@petrifiedpanda.bsky.social
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Earth Rumbles, Dishes Crash To Floor As Gerrymandering Rips Through House https://theonion.com/earth-rumbles-dishes-crash-to-floor-as-gerrymandering-rips-through-house/
December 1, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Earth Rumbles, Dishes Crash To Floor As Gerrymandering Rips Through House https://theonion.com/earth-rumbles-dishes-crash-to-floor-as-gerrymandering-rips-through-house/
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We have always made delightful little guys.
July 26, 2025 at 11:35 PM
We have always made delightful little guys.
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April 17, 2025 at 4:26 PM
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salad no
do not eat the video game console
do not eat the video game console
March 19, 2025 at 12:06 AM
salad no
do not eat the video game console
do not eat the video game console
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The Onion Magazine:
Acts Of Profound And Unspeakable Evil Get A Bad Rap: Do They Really Deserve It?
Acts Of Profound And Unspeakable Evil Get A Bad Rap: Do They Really Deserve It?
March 5, 2025 at 3:00 PM
The Onion Magazine:
Acts Of Profound And Unspeakable Evil Get A Bad Rap: Do They Really Deserve It?
Acts Of Profound And Unspeakable Evil Get A Bad Rap: Do They Really Deserve It?
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Supporters Praise Trump For Upholding Traditional American Value Of Supporting Murderous Dictators For Political Gain
February 28, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Supporters Praise Trump For Upholding Traditional American Value Of Supporting Murderous Dictators For Political Gain
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I can't play video games anymore, because I feel ashamed that I'm "wasting" my time on "games". I should officially become a Game Developer so I can gaslight myself into thinking that I'm doing research.
February 12, 2025 at 3:44 PM
I can't play video games anymore, because I feel ashamed that I'm "wasting" my time on "games". I should officially become a Game Developer so I can gaslight myself into thinking that I'm doing research.
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Today is Abraham Lincoln's birthday. Had he lived, today Abraham would be 216 years old and 95 feet tall.
February 12, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Today is Abraham Lincoln's birthday. Had he lived, today Abraham would be 216 years old and 95 feet tall.
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This probably isn’t the developers’ top priority (although it should be), but I’d love to see the Bluesky app have an option to switch to the Julian calendar for those of us who reject the lies of Pope Gregory XIII
February 9, 2025 at 12:31 AM
This probably isn’t the developers’ top priority (although it should be), but I’d love to see the Bluesky app have an option to switch to the Julian calendar for those of us who reject the lies of Pope Gregory XIII
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Think Tank Called ‘The Himmler Institute’ Assures Nation This All Legal
theonion.com/think-t...
theonion.com/think-t...
February 3, 2025 at 9:35 PM
Think Tank Called ‘The Himmler Institute’ Assures Nation This All Legal
theonion.com/think-t...
theonion.com/think-t...
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fuecoco playing jump rope with charizard’s tail
January 31, 2025 at 6:44 PM
fuecoco playing jump rope with charizard’s tail
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ME, picking an early-morning saturday appointment to get blood drawn specifically to try to force a reset of my drifted sleep schedule: God. I'm so Wise. and yet, additionally, my actions are those of Temperance and Courage
ME, this morning: they should invent a bullet that goes backwards in time
ME, this morning: they should invent a bullet that goes backwards in time
February 1, 2025 at 11:39 AM
ME, picking an early-morning saturday appointment to get blood drawn specifically to try to force a reset of my drifted sleep schedule: God. I'm so Wise. and yet, additionally, my actions are those of Temperance and Courage
ME, this morning: they should invent a bullet that goes backwards in time
ME, this morning: they should invent a bullet that goes backwards in time
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There's a (great) Buffy episode where all the parents in the town are brainwashed into a sort of satanic panic, and only the kids can see they're being ridiculous, but also THERE SHOULD BE A SATANIC PANIC THEY LIVE ON A HELLMOUTH
January 29, 2025 at 12:55 AM
There's a (great) Buffy episode where all the parents in the town are brainwashed into a sort of satanic panic, and only the kids can see they're being ridiculous, but also THERE SHOULD BE A SATANIC PANIC THEY LIVE ON A HELLMOUTH
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Instagram and Facebook have recently blurred, blocked or removed posts from two abortion pill providers. Instagram also suspended the accounts of several abortion pill providers and hid the providers from appearing in search and recommendations. nyti.ms/4h3PF1x
January 24, 2025 at 3:23 AM
Instagram and Facebook have recently blurred, blocked or removed posts from two abortion pill providers. Instagram also suspended the accounts of several abortion pill providers and hid the providers from appearing in search and recommendations. nyti.ms/4h3PF1x
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"the greatest modern innovation is artificial int–" ❌ wrong
it is the ✅ vacuum cleaner laser beam
it is the ✅ vacuum cleaner laser beam
January 20, 2025 at 11:39 AM
"the greatest modern innovation is artificial int–" ❌ wrong
it is the ✅ vacuum cleaner laser beam
it is the ✅ vacuum cleaner laser beam
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*eating chocolate while my dog stares at me expectantly*
me: "I'm so sorry baby, this is bad for puppies! It'll hurt your wittle tummy! But I love you! I LOVE YOU!"
my dog: you have made a powerful enemy today.
me: "I'm so sorry baby, this is bad for puppies! It'll hurt your wittle tummy! But I love you! I LOVE YOU!"
my dog: you have made a powerful enemy today.
January 18, 2025 at 4:18 PM
*eating chocolate while my dog stares at me expectantly*
me: "I'm so sorry baby, this is bad for puppies! It'll hurt your wittle tummy! But I love you! I LOVE YOU!"
my dog: you have made a powerful enemy today.
me: "I'm so sorry baby, this is bad for puppies! It'll hurt your wittle tummy! But I love you! I LOVE YOU!"
my dog: you have made a powerful enemy today.
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"Cat puke? Sir, I know nothing about this 'cat puke' of which you speak, and frankly I'm offended at the suggestion that I might. Good day, sir. I said, good day!"
January 17, 2025 at 3:49 PM
"Cat puke? Sir, I know nothing about this 'cat puke' of which you speak, and frankly I'm offended at the suggestion that I might. Good day, sir. I said, good day!"
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A new study found a 62% reduction in cervical cancer deaths among women under 25 in the U.S.
Dr. Ashish Deshmukh joins us to discuss the study and why the HPV vaccine, introduced nearly 20 years ago, is likely behind this decline.
Dr. Ashish Deshmukh joins us to discuss the study and why the HPV vaccine, introduced nearly 20 years ago, is likely behind this decline.
As Cervical Cancer Deaths Plummet, Experts Credit HPV Vaccine
HPV can cause a variety of cancers, including cervical. New mortality data for women under 25 show the success of the HPV vaccine.
buff.ly
January 17, 2025 at 8:07 PM
A new study found a 62% reduction in cervical cancer deaths among women under 25 in the U.S.
Dr. Ashish Deshmukh joins us to discuss the study and why the HPV vaccine, introduced nearly 20 years ago, is likely behind this decline.
Dr. Ashish Deshmukh joins us to discuss the study and why the HPV vaccine, introduced nearly 20 years ago, is likely behind this decline.
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January 15, 2025 at 2:23 PM
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I'd just like to thank everybody working tirelessly on diagnostic messages in such compilers as clang, rustc, and many others, making stupid ancient programmers jokes unfunny and irrelevant. You are the Real Engineers pushing the industry forward. Love you all. ❤️
January 3, 2025 at 5:37 PM
I'd just like to thank everybody working tirelessly on diagnostic messages in such compilers as clang, rustc, and many others, making stupid ancient programmers jokes unfunny and irrelevant. You are the Real Engineers pushing the industry forward. Love you all. ❤️
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Kropotkin fantasized about dressing up as Santa to expropriate toys and give them away to children. I wish he'd actually done this.
www.opendemocracy.net/en/transform...
www.opendemocracy.net/en/transform...
An anarchist guide to Christmas
On the night before Christmas, we’ll all be about. While the people are sleeping, we’ll realise our clout. We’ll expropriate goods from the stores, ‘cos that’s fair. And distribute them widely, to tho...
www.opendemocracy.net
December 26, 2024 at 9:23 AM
Kropotkin fantasized about dressing up as Santa to expropriate toys and give them away to children. I wish he'd actually done this.
www.opendemocracy.net/en/transform...
www.opendemocracy.net/en/transform...
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DON CORLEONE: You come to my house, on this day, the day that my daughter is to be married, and you ask me for money?
WEDDING CATERER: Yeah sorry
WEDDING CATERER: Yeah sorry
December 16, 2024 at 10:24 AM
DON CORLEONE: You come to my house, on this day, the day that my daughter is to be married, and you ask me for money?
WEDDING CATERER: Yeah sorry
WEDDING CATERER: Yeah sorry
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