Melissa
@pretzel365.bsky.social
username is a reference to the show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and also I love pretzels
she/her
pfp by @bound-light.bsky.social
she/her
pfp by @bound-light.bsky.social
Reposted by Melissa
As many of us begin Christmas meal prep, allow me to share the advice that my ER nurse sister puts in the chat every year:
A dropped knife has no handle. Jump away. Let it fall. You can pick it up and wash it.
A dropped knife has no handle. Jump away. Let it fall. You can pick it up and wash it.
December 24, 2025 at 6:31 PM
As many of us begin Christmas meal prep, allow me to share the advice that my ER nurse sister puts in the chat every year:
A dropped knife has no handle. Jump away. Let it fall. You can pick it up and wash it.
A dropped knife has no handle. Jump away. Let it fall. You can pick it up and wash it.
Reposted by Melissa
For further context twitter added a button that allows users to generate ai images using existing art posts from artists. It removes glaze and it basically reskins the artwork by using the existing work as a base. Twitter is no longer a safe space for art
December 24, 2025 at 8:03 PM
For further context twitter added a button that allows users to generate ai images using existing art posts from artists. It removes glaze and it basically reskins the artwork by using the existing work as a base. Twitter is no longer a safe space for art
I switched shampoos and I hate the way it makes my hair feel, and I can't find my blowdryer so now I'm going to bed damp, tangled, and angry
December 24, 2025 at 3:05 AM
I switched shampoos and I hate the way it makes my hair feel, and I can't find my blowdryer so now I'm going to bed damp, tangled, and angry
Reposted by Melissa
Hey! I have a 20% off coupon for folks who shop on Bookshop.org. So if you were thinking about, you know, buying one of me books (THE DEAD COME TO STAY or THE INTERMEDIARIES for instance), here you go:
refer.bookshop.org/brandyschill...
refer.bookshop.org/brandyschill...
Refer a Friend
Invite your friends to shop on Bookshop.org where every purchase supports independent bookstores. Give your friends 20% off and you'll get 20% off after their first purchase.
refer.bookshop.org
December 23, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Hey! I have a 20% off coupon for folks who shop on Bookshop.org. So if you were thinking about, you know, buying one of me books (THE DEAD COME TO STAY or THE INTERMEDIARIES for instance), here you go:
refer.bookshop.org/brandyschill...
refer.bookshop.org/brandyschill...
Reposted by Melissa
Reposted by Melissa
December 21, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Reposted by Melissa
And the people who are the most obsessed with using ChatGPT and Sora and whatnot aren’t exactly the smartest people
December 21, 2025 at 12:12 AM
And the people who are the most obsessed with using ChatGPT and Sora and whatnot aren’t exactly the smartest people
Reposted by Melissa
Look man I don’t think the people being poisoned by data centers really care if you remove the generated assets before shipping, and I don’t really care if you “only” use the machine that stole my shit and convinced teens to off themselves for internal PowerPoints.
Cool motive. Still bullshit tho.
Cool motive. Still bullshit tho.
December 16, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Look man I don’t think the people being poisoned by data centers really care if you remove the generated assets before shipping, and I don’t really care if you “only” use the machine that stole my shit and convinced teens to off themselves for internal PowerPoints.
Cool motive. Still bullshit tho.
Cool motive. Still bullshit tho.
I need a new sleep video because I've cycled through the old standbys too many times, and my brain doesn't shut off on its own.
December 16, 2025 at 3:08 AM
I need a new sleep video because I've cycled through the old standbys too many times, and my brain doesn't shut off on its own.
Reposted by Melissa
DM or text your friends to check in and say hi even if you're worried about being "annoying" (hello, my own neurosis)
i promise it won't bother them and will instead make their entire day to know you were thinking about them 🩵
i promise it won't bother them and will instead make their entire day to know you were thinking about them 🩵
December 16, 2025 at 2:36 AM
DM or text your friends to check in and say hi even if you're worried about being "annoying" (hello, my own neurosis)
i promise it won't bother them and will instead make their entire day to know you were thinking about them 🩵
i promise it won't bother them and will instead make their entire day to know you were thinking about them 🩵
Reposted by Melissa
I hate that every week there's something stupid like an Everyone Has To Drink Pee Now Bill and the alert sounds to CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVES THIS IS NOT A DRILL and you really wish you could just trust them to not go for the pee drinking bill
December 15, 2025 at 9:23 PM
I hate that every week there's something stupid like an Everyone Has To Drink Pee Now Bill and the alert sounds to CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVES THIS IS NOT A DRILL and you really wish you could just trust them to not go for the pee drinking bill
Reposted by Melissa
December 14, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Reposted by Melissa
Born to jest, forced to joust
December 14, 2025 at 6:37 AM
Born to jest, forced to joust
Reposted by Melissa
twilight princess and portal are very similar games in that u r solving platformer puzzles while a girl is mean to you
December 13, 2025 at 8:43 PM
twilight princess and portal are very similar games in that u r solving platformer puzzles while a girl is mean to you
idk if I've ever felt "older pretending to be young" than earlier today when I used a shoehorn to put on my fake Uggs
December 12, 2025 at 2:02 AM
idk if I've ever felt "older pretending to be young" than earlier today when I used a shoehorn to put on my fake Uggs
Reposted by Melissa
you'll spend your entire life thinking "that's not her, not really" and pushing the thought away. you'll never truly grieve. you'll become attached to a simulacrum, something that isn't your grandmother & never was; it will eventually replace her in your memory. you will live in hell before you die
IN DEPTH | If you could speak to your dead grandmother forever, would you?
If you could speak to your dead grandmother forever, would you?
www.independent.co.uk
December 10, 2025 at 5:46 PM
you'll spend your entire life thinking "that's not her, not really" and pushing the thought away. you'll never truly grieve. you'll become attached to a simulacrum, something that isn't your grandmother & never was; it will eventually replace her in your memory. you will live in hell before you die
Reposted by Melissa
Hey all,
The Onion is accepting applicants for our writing, video and graphics fellowships.
Fellowships last six months, pay well, and provide full benefits.
You can apply at theonion.com/fellowship.
The Onion is accepting applicants for our writing, video and graphics fellowships.
Fellowships last six months, pay well, and provide full benefits.
You can apply at theonion.com/fellowship.
Fellowship
theonion.com
December 3, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Hey all,
The Onion is accepting applicants for our writing, video and graphics fellowships.
Fellowships last six months, pay well, and provide full benefits.
You can apply at theonion.com/fellowship.
The Onion is accepting applicants for our writing, video and graphics fellowships.
Fellowships last six months, pay well, and provide full benefits.
You can apply at theonion.com/fellowship.
Reposted by Melissa
Remember folks: if you have any small amount of artistic talent, any sex appeal, or can make your friends laugh, the richest man on earth is crying screaming throwing up because he can’t be you.
December 6, 2025 at 10:59 PM
Remember folks: if you have any small amount of artistic talent, any sex appeal, or can make your friends laugh, the richest man on earth is crying screaming throwing up because he can’t be you.
Reposted by Melissa
Reposted by Melissa
You gotta be silly, dude. At least a little bit. You gotta have a spring in your step and a smile in your heart or else none of this matters
November 30, 2025 at 6:27 PM
You gotta be silly, dude. At least a little bit. You gotta have a spring in your step and a smile in your heart or else none of this matters
Reposted by Melissa
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
membership.theonion.com
November 28, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
pretty cool that I'm welcomed among the youngest adult contingent of the cousins although I am old enough to have babysat all of them, because hanging out with all the adults who have children (and said children) takes a toll, and there's only so much I can tune out while reading on my phone
November 28, 2025 at 1:16 AM
pretty cool that I'm welcomed among the youngest adult contingent of the cousins although I am old enough to have babysat all of them, because hanging out with all the adults who have children (and said children) takes a toll, and there's only so much I can tune out while reading on my phone
Reposted by Melissa
Help us send 2,000 books to readers who are incarcerated this winter through our Books Not Bars program
Books Not Bars 2025 Holiday Campaign
BOOKS NOT BARS FOR THE HOLIDAYS
Haymarket Books is committed to making our books available for free to people who are incarcerated.
In an effort to support those inside who are dealing with the imm...
haymarketbooks.app.neoncrm.com
November 23, 2025 at 10:11 PM
Help us send 2,000 books to readers who are incarcerated this winter through our Books Not Bars program
Reposted by Melissa
🧵 We are, in fact, doing the thing again for @onesimplewish.bsky.social. In 2024, the kind people of this community put the money cannon on blast to help grant $75K in wishes for children in foster care. Toys, tech, a suit for job interviews. Here we go again! 👇
www.onesimplewish.org/giving/megwa...
www.onesimplewish.org/giving/megwa...
November 21, 2025 at 4:54 PM
🧵 We are, in fact, doing the thing again for @onesimplewish.bsky.social. In 2024, the kind people of this community put the money cannon on blast to help grant $75K in wishes for children in foster care. Toys, tech, a suit for job interviews. Here we go again! 👇
www.onesimplewish.org/giving/megwa...
www.onesimplewish.org/giving/megwa...