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Shawn Carlow

@shawncarlow.bsky.social

790 followers 580 following 2.1K posts

Writer/Comedian/Producer Author of People of the Titanic - Out right now from @HumoristBooks.bsky.social www.ShawnCarlowWrites.com

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Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · Jul 20

Why is Arizona's state motto "God enriches" and not "Welcome to our Cactus-filled Oven"?

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Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 3h

Space Force to the rescue!

Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 4h

Here are the 9 films next year being added to The Library of Congress’s National Film Registry, according to recently hired curator, Frank Stallone:

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
Escape Plan
Cliffhanger
Grudge Match
Tango & Cash
Judge Dredd (original version)
The Expendables 3
Rhinestone
Over The Top

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Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 10h

Gearing up for Halloween with my Zodiac Killer costume.

Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 1d

“Not ham and bananas hollandaise a-gain!”

Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 1d

Which he passes with flying colors. Nobody knows the kids names better than him.

Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 1d

Mr. Freeze at the Vatican today urging you to vote yes on 50.

Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 1d

This is about the time of year when I always check in on the Palins in Alaska to see if Sarah and her kids, Truck, Tractor, Brick, Purse, and Pollen are doing okay.

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Reposted by Shawn Carlow

Amy @lolennui.bsky.social · 1d

George Orwell’s Animal Crossing

Someone in a frog costume facing down a line of police in riot gear

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Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 1d

I rarely go through a block of advertising nowadays without seeing either Snoop or Shaq.

Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 2d

A reminder that it’s very lucrative for a hard-working call girl during Fleet Week.

Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 2d

Running a personal growth, walk-on-hot coals campaign, but Consumer Reports doesn’t rate the best hot coals for this. A little help?

Reposted by Shawn Carlow

Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · Sep 8

A full moon is like a regular moon only it asks to be excused from the dinner table

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Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 2d

Best Boy is a movie term for the name of the first assistant to the lighting crew. Although if the film is about a wedding, they automatically get promoted to Best Man, and they are required to give a big speech when the movie wraps.

Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 3d

The longer we wait, the harder and harder it’s going to be to invoke the 25th Amendment.

Reposted by Shawn Carlow

Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · Mar 26

It's unforgivable that we let plaid shirts with ripped jeans become the default uniform of men when it used to be the most reliable way of identifying who's secretly a werewolf.

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Reposted by Shawn Carlow

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 4d

Love makes you do crazy things. One time I jumped out of the bushes wearing a panda costume and shot my mailman with a blow dart

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Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 4d

Driving up to the car show, arm at a jaunty angle out the window:

“Weep, ye mighty, and despair!”

(I park in a central spot, all eyes jealously devouring my wares, and exit my Yugo)

Reposted by Shawn Carlow

andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 13d

Big day for me. A box I've been saving for over 3 years was just perfect for something

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Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 5d

Important guests at the White House stay in the Lincoln Bedroom. When Stephen Miller sleeps over while crafting one of the Trump screeds, he stays in a subterranean lair called the Lincoln Tunnel.

Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 6d

They have gummy worms slated in the next minting

Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 6d

But what if Jane Goodall gets reincarnated as an ape? Maybe that’s where the Planet of the Apes begins?

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Reposted by Shawn Carlow

Marloween @marlebean.bsky.social · 6d

*Spends the first 7 minutes of my job interview carefully tearing off the perforated edge of my spiral notebook resume*

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Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 7d

I feel terrible that the area that once proudly held my umbilical cord attached, passing important nutrients back and forth, has now become a mostly forgotten repository for lint.

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Reposted by Shawn Carlow

Nate's Myth @natesmith.dev · 7d

technically dehydration is also a drinking problem

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Shawn Carlow @shawncarlow.bsky.social · 7d

Squirting flower distances have begun a precipitous decline so Trump and Hegseth are flying in all of America’s top clowns this week to get that squared away.

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