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Wizard of Awes

@awescar.bsky.social

2K followers 1.5K following 1.3K posts

Just a cool mother fucker. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:gmu4fvraoc2o5fjmx4dp6rah/feed/aaahqvajl7vvk

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Wizard of Awes @awescar.bsky.social · Mar 27

Not to brag, but chicks at truck stops are always asking me for dates.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 49m

idk flipping houses looks really hard

A yellow and white house rest upside-down between a field and a large tree.

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Wizard of Awes @awescar.bsky.social · 42m

When life gives you Don Lemon, you make Don Lemonade.

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · 3h

I’ve been in front of the computer too long. Time to take a break and look at my phone.

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · Jul 1

Stages of life:
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death

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Wizard of Awes @awescar.bsky.social · 3h

*wakes up from sex coma*

ME: IM HORNY

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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 4h

*wakes up from a food coma*

Me: IM STARVING

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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 5h

imagine hating me and I’m just over here licking yogurt off the kitchen counter

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𝔸𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣 𝔻𝕒𝕨𝕟 @amberdawn1116.bsky.social · 5h

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Wizard of Awes @awescar.bsky.social · 20h

Those with bright, broad, flat framed glasses, what do you want from us?

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Wizard of Awes @awescar.bsky.social · 23h

😂😂😂

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kjcon.bsky.social @kjcon.bsky.social · 1d

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 1d

my therapist said i needed to stop talking to myself and then she disappeared into a cloud of mist

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Wizard of Awes @awescar.bsky.social · 1d

Bangers and mash?

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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 1d

Forget roses, lay me down on a bed of mashed potatoes and gravy.

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 1d

HER: what’s on your mind?

ME: scalp mostly.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 1d

Why are they called air marshals and not plane clothes policemen

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Amish Super Model @amishsupermodel.bsky.social · 3d

Trump’s not targeting political violence. He’s inciting political violence against his political opposition.

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Wizard of Awes @awescar.bsky.social · 3d

He probably crushes his liver on his head and asks for another one.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 3d

[best read with a French accent]

“I am so very sorry sir, without a reservation, there is simply nothing I can do for you.”

2 photos of a fluffy black-and-white cat with a pencil-thin mustache. They appear to he looking up and speaking in the first, scowling in the second.

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Amish Super Model @amishsupermodel.bsky.social · 4d

In Hell, everyone watches you trying to parallel park.

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Wizard of Awes @awescar.bsky.social · 4d

"Take a Look at My Girlfriend, OK That's enough!" - Insecure Supertramp.

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Wizard of Awes @awescar.bsky.social · 4d

Now that we have all these great Twitter alternatives, when are we going to get Facebook alternatives? I'm ready to quit them.

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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 5d

“I don’t need to wear deodorant”

~ people who need to wear deodorant

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JB Pritzker @jbpritzker.bsky.social · 11d

- Indicting political rivals
- Suppressing dissent
- Rewriting history

These are all chapters in the authoritarian playbook, and Donald Trump is following them step by step. Now is not the time to stand on the sidelines; it’s time to make your voice heard.

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · Dec 28

Well well well if it isn't the guy whose lawn I woke up on

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