Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
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hormonella.bsky.social
Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
@hormonella.bsky.social
My body is not my temple
It’s more like my bar and grill
Pinned
Tips for Managing Stress:

1. Eat healthy regular meals

2. Fresh air and exercise

3. Caffeine, lots of caffeine

4. Sleep two to three hours a night

5. Sob inconsolably
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A waiting list for the kids table.
November 27, 2025 at 6:37 PM
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hug your pets and set them places at the table; put your family in crates
(if they cannot behave)
🧡🦃
November 27, 2025 at 12:31 PM
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i showed you my casserole please respond
November 27, 2025 at 5:37 PM
turkey’s in the oven, table’s set

time to load the medicine cabinet with pingpong balls
November 27, 2025 at 6:10 PM
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Working on my annual Thanksgiving poem to read at the table today what rhymes with ingrates
November 27, 2025 at 12:54 PM
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This year for our Thanksgiving gathering, I'm bringing what I brought last year, shame upon the family.
November 27, 2025 at 1:03 AM
Happy Thanksgiving from our home to yours!
November 27, 2025 at 2:04 PM
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Fine. I will share my nana’s creamed corn recipe but I shan’t be responsible for anyone’s boner
November 27, 2025 at 12:47 PM
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You guys wanna do gravy shots?
November 26, 2025 at 11:12 PM
What the fuck are you all so stressed about?
November 27, 2025 at 12:36 AM
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Jesus didn't die for you to eat fake potatoes
November 26, 2025 at 10:07 PM
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A dating app that only shows their latest Spotify playlist and bank account balance.
November 26, 2025 at 11:30 AM
Subtlety is not a canine trait.

I started cooking and the dog went under my bed.
November 26, 2025 at 2:30 PM
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At least now I have the opportunity to try and blame my bankruptcy and poverty on him, and not my own deeply personal bad decisions.
November 25, 2025 at 9:26 PM
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My dog looks at me with such profound betrayal when I open the door now.

We’ve had the "it's wet out there" talk six times today. He thinks I control the weather and I'm just being a jerk.
November 24, 2025 at 4:39 AM
When you wake up angry and confused and disappointed, know that you are not alone.

Many among us hoped to learn of his demise this morning.
November 25, 2025 at 1:56 PM
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rfk jr cancelling headphones
November 25, 2025 at 1:23 AM
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The arbiters of morality make me glad to be a degenerate
November 24, 2025 at 11:08 PM
Some nights I throw all of my coats on the bed in the guest room so it looks like I’m having a big party.
November 25, 2025 at 12:32 AM
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I opened the fridge door once again looking for enlightenment.
Nope. I can’t believe it’s not Buddha.
November 23, 2025 at 8:33 PM
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Me: My dog really looks up to me.

Coworker: Aw how cute!

Me: Why? He’s just way shorter than I am.
November 17, 2025 at 8:36 PM
Ladies, when a man sends flowers to you at work, he's just marking his territory.

Think of it as lifting his leg on your desk.
November 24, 2025 at 1:56 PM
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It’s hard to lose a loved one during the holidays.

I lost my Mom during Toyotathon.
November 24, 2025 at 3:05 AM
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I'm always surprised to open a can of evaporated milk and find anything there.
November 23, 2025 at 3:41 PM
can’t, I’m pregaming *

* eating mashed potatoes
November 23, 2025 at 8:06 PM