Drew
@dmc1138.bsky.social
I don’t have time for this. Gen Xer in Florida. Same username across the multiverse.
My journey thus far: Pittsburgh to Orlando to Honolulu to Chicago to Delray Beach.
99% of these are recycled tweets.
My journey thus far: Pittsburgh to Orlando to Honolulu to Chicago to Delray Beach.
99% of these are recycled tweets.
Pinned
Drew
@dmc1138.bsky.social
· Nov 12
Instructor: "Welcome to salsa class! Who's ready to learn how to dance?"
Me, hiding tortilla chips bag: "There's been a misunderstanding."
Me, hiding tortilla chips bag: "There's been a misunderstanding."
Every day is Cyber Monday when you refuse to leave the house to buy stuff.
December 1, 2025 at 2:50 PM
Every day is Cyber Monday when you refuse to leave the house to buy stuff.
I hope this year Alvin finally gets a hula hoop for Christmas.
November 30, 2025 at 4:05 AM
I hope this year Alvin finally gets a hula hoop for Christmas.
You guys wanna do gravy shots?
November 26, 2025 at 11:12 PM
You guys wanna do gravy shots?
The President pardoned a few Thanksgiving turkeys, which is odd because I don’t recall seeing any turkeys storming the Capitol on January 6th, 2021.
November 26, 2025 at 2:21 PM
The President pardoned a few Thanksgiving turkeys, which is odd because I don’t recall seeing any turkeys storming the Capitol on January 6th, 2021.
Butterflies are just gay moths.
November 22, 2025 at 9:51 PM
Butterflies are just gay moths.
Oh you’re a lobbyist?
Name 3 lobbies.
Name 3 lobbies.
November 22, 2025 at 9:03 PM
Oh you’re a lobbyist?
Name 3 lobbies.
Name 3 lobbies.
No one loads the dishwasher like you do, babe.
November 20, 2025 at 11:40 PM
No one loads the dishwasher like you do, babe.
Reposted by Drew
All I'm saying is the second guy to bungee jump was honest about his weight.
November 20, 2025 at 10:14 PM
All I'm saying is the second guy to bungee jump was honest about his weight.
Reposted by Drew
I’ve never exfoliated. I like to keep my foliage close.
November 20, 2025 at 10:41 PM
I’ve never exfoliated. I like to keep my foliage close.
Reposted by Drew
whoever came up with the word puzzles should name more things
November 20, 2025 at 11:31 PM
whoever came up with the word puzzles should name more things
Right now, aunts all over the country are getting out their recipe for green bean casserole in preparation for Thanksgiving.
November 20, 2025 at 2:29 PM
Right now, aunts all over the country are getting out their recipe for green bean casserole in preparation for Thanksgiving.
Reposted by Drew
Kinda nervous about household smart devices. What if the bathroom scale tells the fridge to lock me out?
November 20, 2025 at 11:56 AM
Kinda nervous about household smart devices. What if the bathroom scale tells the fridge to lock me out?
Reposted by Drew
*First day as a drug dealer*: "is Pepsi ok?
November 20, 2025 at 12:55 PM
*First day as a drug dealer*: "is Pepsi ok?
Reposted by Drew
You can open all the doors but sometimes a ghost just won't leave.
November 20, 2025 at 1:19 PM
You can open all the doors but sometimes a ghost just won't leave.
My wife always likes to bring up how I didn’t cry at our wedding, but what really matters is I’m crying now.
November 20, 2025 at 2:50 AM
My wife always likes to bring up how I didn’t cry at our wedding, but what really matters is I’m crying now.
Reposted by Drew
*seductively eats a tube of raw cookie dough in front of you*
April 12, 2025 at 9:30 PM
*seductively eats a tube of raw cookie dough in front of you*
My obituary will also be a Mad Libs.
November 17, 2025 at 6:21 PM
My obituary will also be a Mad Libs.
My fantasy foosball team lost again. Not a typo.
November 16, 2025 at 9:15 PM
My fantasy foosball team lost again. Not a typo.
Reposted by Drew
Schrödinger should never have been allowed to have a cat
November 16, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Schrödinger should never have been allowed to have a cat
*leaving a negative Yelp review*
“And furthermore, I didn’t see one pink pony.”
“And furthermore, I didn’t see one pink pony.”
November 16, 2025 at 6:17 PM
*leaving a negative Yelp review*
“And furthermore, I didn’t see one pink pony.”
“And furthermore, I didn’t see one pink pony.”
Reposted by Drew
Body count? Lays or murders?
November 16, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Body count? Lays or murders?
Reposted by Drew
I don’t want a fun-sized Snickers. I want the full bar, the full commitment, the full emotional nougat.
November 16, 2025 at 4:14 PM
I don’t want a fun-sized Snickers. I want the full bar, the full commitment, the full emotional nougat.
Reposted by Drew
Conquering chronic lateness by never going anywhere 😎
November 16, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Conquering chronic lateness by never going anywhere 😎
People from New York love telling you they’re from New York.
November 16, 2025 at 3:36 PM
People from New York love telling you they’re from New York.
Reposted by Drew
What we really need is a government shut up.
November 10, 2025 at 7:56 PM
What we really need is a government shut up.