Author | Lightnews

Meghan

@deloisivete.bsky.social

3.6K followers 720 following 290 posts

surrounded by a chaos of my own making My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:rhjpww65fgvbp2txyhl2zksb/feed/aaac2f5bigl42

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Meghan @deloisivete.bsky.social · Dec 4

You're not my real can

A label on a black plastic trash can that reads Step Can

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Meghan @deloisivete.bsky.social · May 23

Just popped a second ibuprofen, so yeah, I party

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Reposted by Meghan

RealLifeMommy3 @reallifemommy3.bsky.social · May 23

Based on research, I have concluded that when my toddler says ”you look so pretty, Mommy”, What she means is, “you’re not wearing leggings and I didn’t know you own real clothes”

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · May 10

Wife: The new neighbors are so quiet

Me: I knew moving next door to a black hole would pay off

Wife: something else just got sucked off the porch

Me: meh, it’s worth it

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Meghan @deloisivete.bsky.social · May 10

Vacuumed up some dried lavender that spilled and it smelled pretty good, follow me for more homemaking tips

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · May 9

New pope: (walks into the Vatican carrying a sink)

The whole world: omg no

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🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · May 9

especially now I think it’s important to underscore the importance of now especially

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Nate's Myth @natesmith.dev · May 9

in England, "strawberry" sounds like "robbery" and that's all you need to know about them maybe

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TracieBreaux @traciebreaux.bsky.social · Apr 27

If you love something, set if free. If it comes back that means no one else wanted it. Set it free again.

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Meghan @deloisivete.bsky.social · Apr 25

My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some hard truths about myself

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Nate's Myth @natesmith.dev · Apr 27

Subway should be able to make me a little charcuterie plate

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · Apr 27

YOU: Yes
I: No
YOU: Stop
I: Go Go Go
(Oh No)
YOU: Goodbye
I: Hello, Hello, Hello
YOU: Goodbye
I: Hello, Hello, Hello

- Paul McCartney, Playwright

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Meghan @deloisivete.bsky.social · Apr 25

My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some hard truths about myself

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Reposted by Meghan

Nate's Myth @natesmith.dev · Apr 20

an inferiority complex? you mean dilutions of grandeur?

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🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · Apr 19

rip jesus you would have hated la croix

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · Apr 12

I can’t believe there’s a movie called, “IT,” and it’s not about playing tag.

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Meghan @deloisivete.bsky.social · Apr 12

I'm not saying I don't have a green thumb, I'm just saying my kids have started calling one part of the dining room "dead plant corner"

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Meghan @deloisivete.bsky.social · Apr 10

me: I'm not old

also me: *realizes the number of meteorologists I follow on social media is not zero*

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · Apr 9

Welp, I just reached my move goal.
<refuses to move again until tomorrow>

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Nate's Myth @natesmith.dev · Apr 9

they probably had to name it ‘scoliosis’ because ‘s-curvy’ was taken

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Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad.bsky.social · Apr 3

I asked my kid to help me convince his toddler sister to put her boots on. He was successful! Unfortunately, his trick was to tell her that I’d give her chocolate if she put her boots on. I don’t have any chocolate.

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RealLifeMommy3 @reallifemommy3.bsky.social · Apr 9

Boss: Can you work late tonight?

Me: Sure, let me quickly move the webcam so you can explain to my dog why there’ll be no couch cuddles tonight

Dog:

Boss: Go home, you can finish it tomorrow

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sophia 🦇♥️🦇 @sophamir.bsky.social · Apr 9

I’m gonna try to go to bed early this week [goes to bed even later than usual every single night]

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Meghan @deloisivete.bsky.social · Apr 9

Check your Hesperus before you wreck your Hesperus

Meghan @deloisivete.bsky.social · Apr 9

What is botox if not a murder of crow’s feet

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