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Alison B

@akbea.bsky.social

1.9K followers 680 following 16K posts

I twist other people's words for money. http://rewritten.uk Anything pre-July 2023 is imported from Twitter; I don't have a time machine. Not that I'd tell you about, anyway.

rewritten.uk

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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · Apr 17

TFW you're a British tourist in the EU and the buildings are giving you the disapproving side-eye.

A building on the River Arno in central Florence that looks like a big old grumpy face with a white nose, a red mouth and a green moustache.

Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 2h

Absolutely excellent trolling.

Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 18h

Me too! I went down a proper rabbit hole of mid-80s nostalgia!

Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 1d

How am I meant to get any work done when the British Newspaper Archive now has all of Jackie online?

Part of the Cathy and Claire advice page. Everything from zodiac sign incompatibility to tetanus.

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Reposted by Alison B

Randall Munroe @xkcd.com · 2d

Window Screen

xkcd.com/3151/

4-panel comic. (1) [person in front of window, shaped like a trapezoid with a curved top] This weekend, I had to make an oversized screen for a porch window. (2) [person sitting with hands on head surrounded by images of assorted equations and measurements] It involved countless tiny problems, each somehow way harder than it should be. Oblique angles. Curved edges. Noncoplanarity. (3) [person in front of window with screen on it, with building detritus strewn on the ground] ...I solved them all. I measured precisely. I did trigonometry. I made custom parts. And it fit *perfectly.* No gaps, no ripples. (4) [person typing at computer] I know that your foundation normally limits its purview to physics, medicine, peace, chemistry, and literature. However, if you review the attached photos showing how well the screen fits into the...

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Reposted by Alison B

Jonny Morris @jonnymorris.bsky.social · 3d

"Tap tap tap at the bloody window pane. I looked out. You know who it was?"

Mrs. Detective PikaBOO, Esq. @clapifyoulikeme.favrd.social · 3d

“I left my wife, Nicole Kidman, because I was sick of her, Nicole Kidman, needing me to have sex with her, Nicole Kidman” do you hear yourself man

Tweet from Daily Mail Celebrity @DailyMailCeleb
How Nicole Kidman's 'bottomless need for sexual attention' led to the end of her marriage to country music star Keith Urban: Nashville insiders open up to
ALISON BOSHOFF

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Reposted by Alison B

Laura Ashe @lauraashe.bsky.social · 3d

Epic; no notes

Headline from the Times: "Bestselling novelist Jilly Cooper dies in fall aged 88", illustrated with a rather famous black and white picture of Virginia Woolf

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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 3d

Saw those guys back in April. They didn't look at all well then, either.

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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 5d

It's an excellent plan.

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Reposted by Alison B

Deanna Kreisel 🌱 @doctorwaffle.substack.com · 7d

In honor of National Poetry Day, the greatest parody rewrite of all time:

Screen cap of parodic version of William Blake's "The Tyger" that begins:
Tyger! Tyger! Burning bright
(Not sure if I spelled that right)
What immortal hand or eye
Could fashion such a stripy guy?
What the hammer that hath hewn it
Into such a chonky unit?
Did who made the lamb make thee,
Or an external franchisee?

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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 6d

Ditto for me with 'I should have let him, shouldn't I?'. Heartbreaking.

Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 6d

Talking Heads is some of my very favourite television ever. Not a duff one among them, and some incredible performances.

Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 6d

Don't go into the Thora Hird ones without plenty of tissues. The second one in particular is absolutely devastating.

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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 7d

Revelation said it would be horses, but apparently it's an Ocado van.

A notification from Ocado telling me that Destiny is on the way, in the Cherry van.

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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 8d

And also me. It's just beautiful.

Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 11d

I'm glad I don't like golf and am in no way refreshing the Guardian live feed every three seconds 👀

#RyderCup

Reposted by Alison B

Parody Keir Starmer @parodypm.bsky.social · 13d

As Reform's Nathan Gill admits taking bribes from Russian 'secret service pawn' Oleg Voloshyn, here’s a nice photo of Nigel Farage with Voloshyn’s wife.

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Graeme Swanson @swansonian.bsky.social · 13d

Sharing in the hope it gets on the most read stories column. www.bbc.com/news/article...

Reform UK's ex-Wales leader Nathan Gill admits pro-Russia bribery

Nathan Gill admits eight charges of bribery while being a Member of the European Parliament.

www.bbc.com

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Reposted by Alison B

HappyToast @happytoast.co.uk · 15d

No mention of Nigel and no picture of the nephew so women can be on their guard if they see him. So weird. Imagine if it was a relative of Starmer's or an asylum seeker.

Jeswings @jeswings.bsky.social · 15d

Just because my nephew Joseph Farage admitted he was guilty of the sexual offence of upskirting, doesn’t mean all Farages are sexual offenders.

That went under the radar

www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/2488393...

Orpington's Joseph Farage fined for putting phone underneath woman's skirt at Co-op

Joseph Farage has been fined £576 after he was convicted of 'upskirting'.

www.newsshopper.co.uk

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Reposted by Alison B

Ned Hartley @nedhartley.com · 15d

Out today.