Clara Thomas
@clarathomas.co
Formerly @WeakJoke on Twitter. Advocate for boring gays. Chicagoland sketch/improv comedy writer/performer. Striving for a greater degree of jocularity. 🏳️⚧️, she/her
Reposted by Clara Thomas
"Thagomizer" in Japanese is, in fact, サゴマイザー/sagomaizaa, and you can imagine my delight when it dawned on me what the katakana I was reading represented.
Come to think of it, Johnny, what's the Thagomizer called in Japanese?
December 4, 2025 at 1:39 PM
"Thagomizer" in Japanese is, in fact, サゴマイザー/sagomaizaa, and you can imagine my delight when it dawned on me what the katakana I was reading represented.
Reposted by Clara Thomas
For us Millennials, it used to be we had Dane Cook, Drake & Josh, and Dax Shepard.
But now…
✅ We can’t cook.
✅ We drink 𝒥𝑜𝓈𝒽.
✅ We’ve forsaken our shepherd!
But now…
✅ We can’t cook.
✅ We drink 𝒥𝑜𝓈𝒽.
✅ We’ve forsaken our shepherd!
August 4, 2025 at 9:51 AM
For us Millennials, it used to be we had Dane Cook, Drake & Josh, and Dax Shepard.
But now…
✅ We can’t cook.
✅ We drink 𝒥𝑜𝓈𝒽.
✅ We’ve forsaken our shepherd!
But now…
✅ We can’t cook.
✅ We drink 𝒥𝑜𝓈𝒽.
✅ We’ve forsaken our shepherd!
Reposted by Clara Thomas
As mayor of San Francisco he was dating a teenager (and this is after he got divorced).
Gavin is a fuccboi, not a sleazebag, important distinction.
it feels like a minor miracle that Newsom didn't show up in this somehow
November 14, 2025 at 1:32 AM
As mayor of San Francisco he was dating a teenager (and this is after he got divorced).
Reposted by Clara Thomas
Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.
November 12, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.
Reposted by Clara Thomas
That last sentence made my year. Hell yes. The people will always come out on top if we unite and fight together. Eat shit, moneybaggers!
November 5, 2025 at 4:57 AM
That last sentence made my year. Hell yes. The people will always come out on top if we unite and fight together. Eat shit, moneybaggers!
Reposted by Clara Thomas
Reposted by Clara Thomas
So then I says to Mabel, I says-
what's the stupidest/randomest Simpsons quote that lives in your head rent free? Mine is the urge to say "you said go to bread" every time I am about to head to bed.
October 1, 2025 at 7:35 PM
So then I says to Mabel, I says-
VA emails have gone full Trump propaganda
October 1, 2025 at 7:30 PM
VA emails have gone full Trump propaganda
Reposted by Clara Thomas
I've said it before and I'll say it again:
If something were to happen to me, it'll never be "too soon" to politicize. Politicize it loudly and immediately.
If something were to happen to me, it'll never be "too soon" to politicize. Politicize it loudly and immediately.
September 19, 2025 at 5:58 PM
I've said it before and I'll say it again:
If something were to happen to me, it'll never be "too soon" to politicize. Politicize it loudly and immediately.
If something were to happen to me, it'll never be "too soon" to politicize. Politicize it loudly and immediately.
Prepositions hit different
September 18, 2025 at 11:58 PM
Prepositions hit different
Despite the hormones coursing through my veins, the Emmys memorial didn't get me
But Stephen has me straight up sobbing
But Stephen has me straight up sobbing
September 15, 2025 at 2:43 AM
Despite the hormones coursing through my veins, the Emmys memorial didn't get me
But Stephen has me straight up sobbing
But Stephen has me straight up sobbing
Reposted by Clara Thomas
Witnesses Assumed Charlie Kirk Shooter Was Just Ordinary Gunman On School Campus
Witnesses Assumed Charlie Kirk Shooter Was Just Ordinary Gunman On School Campus
OREM, UT—As law enforcement officials search for a person of interest in the assassination of 31-year-old Turning Point USA co-founder Charlie Kirk, witnesses on the scene at Utah Valley University ad...
theonion.com
September 11, 2025 at 7:41 PM
Witnesses Assumed Charlie Kirk Shooter Was Just Ordinary Gunman On School Campus
Reposted by Clara Thomas
To be clear, this is also political violence.
BREAKING: At least 2 students shot at Evergreen High School, Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office says
At least 2 students shot at Evergreen High School, Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office says
At least two students were shot Wednesday at Evergreen High School, the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office said. This is a developing story that will be updated.
coloradosun.com
September 10, 2025 at 7:39 PM
To be clear, this is also political violence.
We need gun control. All of us.
September 10, 2025 at 7:42 PM
We need gun control. All of us.
Reposted by Clara Thomas
i met anubis in the realm of the underworld, big strong guy by the way, had a dog’s head, i’m not so sure about that. and he said to me, mr president, you’ve got the heaviest soul we’ve ever weighed down here. can you believe it? they’ve never seen a soul that heavy in all of duat
September 2, 2025 at 4:48 AM
i met anubis in the realm of the underworld, big strong guy by the way, had a dog’s head, i’m not so sure about that. and he said to me, mr president, you’ve got the heaviest soul we’ve ever weighed down here. can you believe it? they’ve never seen a soul that heavy in all of duat
Reposted by Clara Thomas
[Giuliani's final breath] Tell my family I loved...9/11
September 1, 2025 at 12:28 AM
[Giuliani's final breath] Tell my family I loved...9/11
Reposted by Clara Thomas
Actually, Frankenstein is a doctor success at the Venice film festival
August 31, 2025 at 12:07 PM
Actually, Frankenstein is a doctor success at the Venice film festival
*sits on the couch next to Bluesky*
Any good deaths on tonight?
Any good deaths on tonight?
August 31, 2025 at 5:10 AM
*sits on the couch next to Bluesky*
Any good deaths on tonight?
Any good deaths on tonight?
Reposted by Clara Thomas
Reposted by Clara Thomas
Reposted by Clara Thomas
nobody has seen the president in three days
[burping and rubbing my president shaped tummy] that’s crazy
[burping and rubbing my president shaped tummy] that’s crazy
August 30, 2025 at 4:04 AM
nobody has seen the president in three days
[burping and rubbing my president shaped tummy] that’s crazy
[burping and rubbing my president shaped tummy] that’s crazy