Simon
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ellisuk.com
Simon
@ellisuk.com
Moments of outstanding brightness followed by periods of quiet contemplation / anxiety / dullness. If you're a bigot, nazi or general shitehawk of a human being you will be blocked. Otherwise let's see what's out there. Also remember fix your heart or die.
Reposted by Simon
Just farted so hard I defected to Reform.
January 15, 2026 at 5:51 PM
Reposted by Simon
January 15, 2026 at 11:33 AM
*adds to the pen collection*
January 15, 2026 at 1:33 PM
Reposted by Simon
I reposted this immediately when it first crossed my timeline because it is so accurate

Now I'm quote posting so you can see it again
Columbo in his first episode looks like a dog that's just come back from the groomer
January 15, 2026 at 10:36 AM
May one suggest this which we had delivered yesterday for our 1.5litre tea pot:
January 15, 2026 at 10:16 AM
Reposted by Simon
Whoever came up with the name “Ewok Powell” to describe Tommy Robinson should take the rest of the year off.
January 14, 2026 at 3:28 PM
1.5 litres
January 14, 2026 at 6:17 PM
New Tea Cosy has landed
January 14, 2026 at 4:14 PM
@mbalazo.bsky.social looks absolutely terrified, were you doing your Nadine Dorries impression while high-fiving him?
January 13, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Well let’s see what our resident professor of ethics thinks.
January 13, 2026 at 10:18 AM
That would just be from Bernie.
January 12, 2026 at 9:57 PM
You know with our government involved it’ll end up like this:
a red car is parked next to a trailer that says u-tow on it
Alt: Sideshow Bob stepping on a load of rakes.
media.tenor.com
January 12, 2026 at 9:56 PM
Errr yes, of course you’re right there’s no listening device in your pen.

“Team Omega, he’s rumbled us go for extraction of the mighty asset that isn’t a sword”
January 12, 2026 at 9:53 PM
Reposted by Simon
Reform UK is transparently absorbing expired tories like a jellyfish digesting used condoms.
January 12, 2026 at 9:48 PM
No new pictures where are you mentally?
January 12, 2026 at 9:42 PM
I couldn’t possibly dear lady, we haven’t been formally introduced.
January 12, 2026 at 8:11 PM
Reposted by Simon
This is funnier than anything Gervais has done in 15 years.
January 12, 2026 at 2:59 PM
It worked
January 12, 2026 at 11:53 AM
Nor me
January 11, 2026 at 10:43 PM
Reposted by Simon
I want that mouse toy on my desk by tomorrow morning!
January 11, 2026 at 9:09 PM
a chalkboard with the words hard agree and a pink cat
Alt: a chalkboard with the words hard agree and a pink cat
media.tenor.com
January 11, 2026 at 9:06 PM
Nope:

Mug count x 1
Tea drunk x 4
January 11, 2026 at 7:17 PM