Hamiltwan
@hamiltwan.bsky.social
Call me Christopher Robin, gonna solve all of my problems
With imaginary friends who are there when I need them
With imaginary friends who are there when I need them
Reposted by Hamiltwan
(AP) Punxsutawney Phil has been indicted on 17 counts of wire fraud.
February 2, 2026 at 1:40 PM
(AP) Punxsutawney Phil has been indicted on 17 counts of wire fraud.
I've been assuming that Trump disappears once a month because he's getting some kind of treatment for the stroke(s?) he obviously had, but have we considered that might actually just be the frequency at which he poops his pants so bad they have to sedate him to get him cleaned up?
Entirely possible he didn’t know he shat himself, and everyone knew that he did and acted accordingly because this isn’t the first time it’s happened
February 2, 2026 at 4:07 AM
I've been assuming that Trump disappears once a month because he's getting some kind of treatment for the stroke(s?) he obviously had, but have we considered that might actually just be the frequency at which he poops his pants so bad they have to sedate him to get him cleaned up?
No, all bands are good. Music is a goddamned gift.
I want five bands you can't fucking stand
1. U2
2. R.E.M.
3. Megadeth
4. Imagine Dragons
5. Kiss
1. U2
2. R.E.M.
3. Megadeth
4. Imagine Dragons
5. Kiss
I want five bands you can't fucking stand
1. Blink 182
2. Fall Out Boy
3. Panic At The Disco
4. I Hate Billy Joel So Much
5. That I Will List Billy Joel Twice
1. Blink 182
2. Fall Out Boy
3. Panic At The Disco
4. I Hate Billy Joel So Much
5. That I Will List Billy Joel Twice
February 1, 2026 at 11:32 PM
No, all bands are good. Music is a goddamned gift.
Reposted by Hamiltwan
my favorite part of the Melania movie is when she turns to the camera and says “it’s Melorbin time”
January 31, 2026 at 7:40 PM
my favorite part of the Melania movie is when she turns to the camera and says “it’s Melorbin time”
Hey man, The Jerk Store called, and he was actually really apologetic when he realized it was a private number, it's just that the Google AI had it listed as 'fast local plumber' and he normally wouldn't trust it but there is water everywhere and he's not even supposed to be on shift tonight.
February 1, 2026 at 2:17 AM
Hey man, The Jerk Store called, and he was actually really apologetic when he realized it was a private number, it's just that the Google AI had it listed as 'fast local plumber' and he normally wouldn't trust it but there is water everywhere and he's not even supposed to be on shift tonight.
Damnit, I thought Toilet Merwin was one of the good guys. I guess I gotta stop listening to his podcast (Toilet Talk with Merwin and the Hitler Hallucination from the movie JoJo Rabbit)...
January 31, 2026 at 7:41 PM
Damnit, I thought Toilet Merwin was one of the good guys. I guess I gotta stop listening to his podcast (Toilet Talk with Merwin and the Hitler Hallucination from the movie JoJo Rabbit)...
Would the fact that I used them to make stock make it harder or easier for a necromancer to reanimate bones into a shambling undead skelington?
January 31, 2026 at 4:39 PM
Would the fact that I used them to make stock make it harder or easier for a necromancer to reanimate bones into a shambling undead skelington?
I see a lot of people pointing out that if you actually believe the opsec for protests stuff, you should delete your social media. I don't know if that's accurate from a security standpoint, but it would certainly make _my_ social media experience better if those people quit.
I hear we’re doing protest OPSEC discourse again. Brought the emergency beans.
Has anyone asked Will if he's kitted out in a balaclava and burner phone? Bowie knife? Go bag? Off-frequency walkie talkie? Faraday tent? Flex cuffs? Sortie orders? Paracord bracelet? Life vest? Baking soda? Tactical pen? Map of escape coordinates? Emergency beans?
Can't believe he left the house.
Can't believe he left the house.
January 31, 2026 at 3:49 AM
I see a lot of people pointing out that if you actually believe the opsec for protests stuff, you should delete your social media. I don't know if that's accurate from a security standpoint, but it would certainly make _my_ social media experience better if those people quit.
Reposted by Hamiltwan
Just saw Eddie Vedder in a parking lot looking kinda scruffy. He was talking to his phone, and I heard him say "Siri, find a barbershop. Siri, men's barber. SIRI! HAIRCUT STORE!!"
After a while he just gave up and got back into his car and drove away. Shame, he was right here:
After a while he just gave up and got back into his car and drove away. Shame, he was right here:
January 28, 2026 at 10:47 PM
Just saw Eddie Vedder in a parking lot looking kinda scruffy. He was talking to his phone, and I heard him say "Siri, find a barbershop. Siri, men's barber. SIRI! HAIRCUT STORE!!"
After a while he just gave up and got back into his car and drove away. Shame, he was right here:
After a while he just gave up and got back into his car and drove away. Shame, he was right here:
JD Vance on the Holocaust: "humans create beautiful things"
Legitimately a feat of carefully calculated writing to issue a Holocaust Remembrance Day statement of this length without mentioning either (1) the people who perpetrated the Holocaust or (2) the people against whom they perpetrated it
January 28, 2026 at 1:27 PM
JD Vance on the Holocaust: "humans create beautiful things"
Reposted by Hamiltwan
you’re all making jokes but the reason Greg Bovino was removed from duty is a safety issue we all need to take seriously
January 27, 2026 at 12:34 AM
you’re all making jokes but the reason Greg Bovino was removed from duty is a safety issue we all need to take seriously
Reposted by Hamiltwan
RIP Greg Bovino
January 27, 2026 at 2:33 AM
RIP Greg Bovino
As a guy from Philly, one thing I like to do when people bring up the whole 'threw snowballs at Santa' thing is say:
"You know it wasn't really Santa, right? It was just a guy in a costume. Why would Santa even be at an Eagles game? He lives in the North Pole, he probably likes hockey."
"You know it wasn't really Santa, right? It was just a guy in a costume. Why would Santa even be at an Eagles game? He lives in the North Pole, he probably likes hockey."
January 26, 2026 at 2:43 PM
As a guy from Philly, one thing I like to do when people bring up the whole 'threw snowballs at Santa' thing is say:
"You know it wasn't really Santa, right? It was just a guy in a costume. Why would Santa even be at an Eagles game? He lives in the North Pole, he probably likes hockey."
"You know it wasn't really Santa, right? It was just a guy in a costume. Why would Santa even be at an Eagles game? He lives in the North Pole, he probably likes hockey."
Reposted by Hamiltwan
my wife saw this and said “is that hillary clinton”
we need to go back to athletes not trying to be fashionable
January 26, 2026 at 12:37 AM
my wife saw this and said “is that hillary clinton”
Every time Smith-Njigba does something like that, I wish AJ Brown was still alive.
January 26, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Every time Smith-Njigba does something like that, I wish AJ Brown was still alive.
Tom Brady's commentating really shows that, the same way that Elon Musk shows you don't have to be smart to get really rich, you don't have to be smart to be a great NFL quarterback. He consistently comes off as a guy who is maybe 60th percentile smart who thinks he is 99th percentile.
January 26, 2026 at 12:18 AM
Tom Brady's commentating really shows that, the same way that Elon Musk shows you don't have to be smart to get really rich, you don't have to be smart to be a great NFL quarterback. He consistently comes off as a guy who is maybe 60th percentile smart who thinks he is 99th percentile.
Every alt text should also include "and you know it smell crazy in there"
oh wow I see a lotta y’all are still being ableist against our olfactorally challenged brethren by not including smell information in your alt text
January 25, 2026 at 10:43 PM
Every alt text should also include "and you know it smell crazy in there"
Saw a commercial for a movie about The Odyssey coming out in the summer, which reminded me I should watch O Brother Where Art Thou
January 25, 2026 at 10:25 PM
Saw a commercial for a movie about The Odyssey coming out in the summer, which reminded me I should watch O Brother Where Art Thou
Nick Siriani just learned a terrible lesson from those two missed field goals.
January 25, 2026 at 9:40 PM
Nick Siriani just learned a terrible lesson from those two missed field goals.
Guys, I thought the Broncos-Pats game started at 3:30, and upon logging on immediately found out I was a half hour off. Bluesky has the juice.
January 25, 2026 at 8:18 PM
Guys, I thought the Broncos-Pats game started at 3:30, and upon logging on immediately found out I was a half hour off. Bluesky has the juice.
As a Philly guy, I gotta say, it's true. Eagles won the last Super Bowl and I don't remember a single cop car getting carried to and dumped into the Schuylkill. Someone's gotta get my boy Ian from high school a box of Smirnoff and his lacrosse stick and let him work his magic on an ICE jagoff.
Philly been dining out on the Hitchbot thing since 2013 . It’s been decades since they whipped a battery at Santa. The craziest thing they’ve done recently was when that guy ate shit after the Eagles won and that was before COVID. Minneapolis has the belt right now sorry to say.
no smoke for this person in particular but your city needs to burn down a cop shop before you talk about how you're so much harder than minneapolis
January 24, 2026 at 1:02 AM
As a Philly guy, I gotta say, it's true. Eagles won the last Super Bowl and I don't remember a single cop car getting carried to and dumped into the Schuylkill. Someone's gotta get my boy Ian from high school a box of Smirnoff and his lacrosse stick and let him work his magic on an ICE jagoff.
Someone clever, make an analogy to politics out of what my child did this morning.
January 23, 2026 at 3:38 PM
Someone clever, make an analogy to politics out of what my child did this morning.
Ok, but I can't be the only one who saw that headline at thought "wow, they indicted Bovino for hiring the guy who murdered that lady? Or the guys who murdered the other people ICE has killed?" And then realized, oh, just a guy who wanted that little creep dead.
#BREAKING: Federal jury finds Chicago man NOT GUILTY of offering $10K for the murder of U.S. Border Patrol Cmdr. Gregory Bovino.
The trial of Juan Espinoza Martinez was the first to result from “Operation Midway Blitz”: chicago.suntimes.com/live/closing...
The trial of Juan Espinoza Martinez was the first to result from “Operation Midway Blitz”: chicago.suntimes.com/live/closing...
January 22, 2026 at 10:18 PM
Ok, but I can't be the only one who saw that headline at thought "wow, they indicted Bovino for hiring the guy who murdered that lady? Or the guys who murdered the other people ICE has killed?" And then realized, oh, just a guy who wanted that little creep dead.
A bunch of 'serious thinkers' and congresspeople see this and say "let's not be so inflammatory!"
And the average winemom/Dem primary voter is debating the morality of nailing the doors shut with the ICE agents still inside first.
And the average winemom/Dem primary voter is debating the morality of nailing the doors shut with the ICE agents still inside first.
The median position edged closer to "burn every ICE facility to the ground" tonight.
January 22, 2026 at 2:12 AM
A bunch of 'serious thinkers' and congresspeople see this and say "let's not be so inflammatory!"
And the average winemom/Dem primary voter is debating the morality of nailing the doors shut with the ICE agents still inside first.
And the average winemom/Dem primary voter is debating the morality of nailing the doors shut with the ICE agents still inside first.