Empress of Blandings
@harpomx.bsky.social
Historian, compulsive bookworm, owned by an old rescue dog, youngish old fart 🌻🇺🇦🏳️🌈
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
My Christmas list this year…
- 10 to 15 minutes of being just regular whelmed
- a gift card for the void
- one (1) precedented time
- a day where I don’t spend $150
- legos
- 10 to 15 minutes of being just regular whelmed
- a gift card for the void
- one (1) precedented time
- a day where I don’t spend $150
- legos
December 12, 2025 at 3:52 PM
My Christmas list this year…
- 10 to 15 minutes of being just regular whelmed
- a gift card for the void
- one (1) precedented time
- a day where I don’t spend $150
- legos
- 10 to 15 minutes of being just regular whelmed
- a gift card for the void
- one (1) precedented time
- a day where I don’t spend $150
- legos
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
A spangled drongo has been hanging out in my backyard. That sounds like a weird Australian euphemism but is actually just a normal Australian bird
December 10, 2025 at 5:42 AM
A spangled drongo has been hanging out in my backyard. That sounds like a weird Australian euphemism but is actually just a normal Australian bird
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
On the back of a pub toilet door in south London: If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.
December 2, 2025 at 8:56 PM
On the back of a pub toilet door in south London: If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.
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My hobbies include:
- Switching between the same three apps for hours
- Not speaking to anyone for days at a time
- Listening to the same songs I've been listening to for 15 years
- Imagining myself in situations that will literally never exist
- Switching between the same three apps for hours
- Not speaking to anyone for days at a time
- Listening to the same songs I've been listening to for 15 years
- Imagining myself in situations that will literally never exist
November 30, 2025 at 9:06 PM
My hobbies include:
- Switching between the same three apps for hours
- Not speaking to anyone for days at a time
- Listening to the same songs I've been listening to for 15 years
- Imagining myself in situations that will literally never exist
- Switching between the same three apps for hours
- Not speaking to anyone for days at a time
- Listening to the same songs I've been listening to for 15 years
- Imagining myself in situations that will literally never exist
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Most economists agree that by age 50, you should:
- own at least one magic sword
- get advice from an enchanted bear skull
- be covered by a thin layer of moss & lichen
- disappear into a malevolent fog once a month
- become a creature of myth & legend in the old forest
- own at least one magic sword
- get advice from an enchanted bear skull
- be covered by a thin layer of moss & lichen
- disappear into a malevolent fog once a month
- become a creature of myth & legend in the old forest
November 30, 2025 at 1:01 AM
Most economists agree that by age 50, you should:
- own at least one magic sword
- get advice from an enchanted bear skull
- be covered by a thin layer of moss & lichen
- disappear into a malevolent fog once a month
- become a creature of myth & legend in the old forest
- own at least one magic sword
- get advice from an enchanted bear skull
- be covered by a thin layer of moss & lichen
- disappear into a malevolent fog once a month
- become a creature of myth & legend in the old forest
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
90% of situations would benefit from having a cord you could pull to deploy an inflatable emergency slide like on an airplane
November 29, 2025 at 7:46 PM
90% of situations would benefit from having a cord you could pull to deploy an inflatable emergency slide like on an airplane
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November 29, 2025 at 7:24 AM
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and a pie closest of all, for when these other things disappoint you.
November 28, 2025 at 10:16 PM
Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and a pie closest of all, for when these other things disappoint you.
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Not those pesky humans again
November 28, 2025 at 8:59 AM
Not those pesky humans again
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
My interior design aesthetic is what I call ‘ancient Egyptian burial chamber’ and that’s where the purpose of every single room in my house is to surround me with enough of my favorite things to last me through the afterlife
November 23, 2025 at 3:38 PM
My interior design aesthetic is what I call ‘ancient Egyptian burial chamber’ and that’s where the purpose of every single room in my house is to surround me with enough of my favorite things to last me through the afterlife
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
I like the way you think.
I like the way you move through the world with a rumpled confusion, leaving a trail of half-baked ideas, overdue library books, and disappointments in your wake.
I like the way you move through the world with a rumpled confusion, leaving a trail of half-baked ideas, overdue library books, and disappointments in your wake.
November 21, 2025 at 10:55 PM
I like the way you think.
I like the way you move through the world with a rumpled confusion, leaving a trail of half-baked ideas, overdue library books, and disappointments in your wake.
I like the way you move through the world with a rumpled confusion, leaving a trail of half-baked ideas, overdue library books, and disappointments in your wake.
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Earlier today, I was notified that someone was at my door.
This is who it was:
This is who it was:
November 21, 2025 at 12:59 AM
Earlier today, I was notified that someone was at my door.
This is who it was:
This is who it was:
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Remember.
You don’t need to be the scariest, strongest, fastest, or hairiest monster in the forest. Just be your authentic self and haunt the darkness in your own time and frighten travelers in your own way.
You don’t need to be the scariest, strongest, fastest, or hairiest monster in the forest. Just be your authentic self and haunt the darkness in your own time and frighten travelers in your own way.
November 19, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Remember.
You don’t need to be the scariest, strongest, fastest, or hairiest monster in the forest. Just be your authentic self and haunt the darkness in your own time and frighten travelers in your own way.
You don’t need to be the scariest, strongest, fastest, or hairiest monster in the forest. Just be your authentic self and haunt the darkness in your own time and frighten travelers in your own way.
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
My archnemesis is out of town for a few days. Looking for someone to cover on a temp-to-perm basis. Duties will include foiling my criminal misdeeds and occasional light clerical work
November 19, 2025 at 11:56 PM
My archnemesis is out of town for a few days. Looking for someone to cover on a temp-to-perm basis. Duties will include foiling my criminal misdeeds and occasional light clerical work
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
You can drill a hole in a bicycle frame and fill it to the brim with cheddar & broccoli soup and then weld the hole shut and paint over it. Nobody has to know
November 18, 2025 at 1:32 PM
You can drill a hole in a bicycle frame and fill it to the brim with cheddar & broccoli soup and then weld the hole shut and paint over it. Nobody has to know
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Me, running away from my problems
a lizard is dancing in front of a gifak-net watermark
ALT: a lizard is dancing in front of a gifak-net watermark
media.tenor.com
November 18, 2025 at 12:34 AM
Me, running away from my problems
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Instead of Secret Santa, we're doing something similar but for colleagues' kids this year. I've been paired with a chap who always speaks over me. I'm getting his kids glitter and glue. I hope they love it.
November 17, 2025 at 3:20 PM
Instead of Secret Santa, we're doing something similar but for colleagues' kids this year. I've been paired with a chap who always speaks over me. I'm getting his kids glitter and glue. I hope they love it.
Reposted by Empress of Blandings
Does anyone here know what to do? Like in general? I tried running into the side of a van but it didn't help
November 17, 2025 at 6:09 PM
Does anyone here know what to do? Like in general? I tried running into the side of a van but it didn't help
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🎵 …couldn’t bescape if I bonted to 🎶
November 16, 2025 at 3:42 PM
🎵 …couldn’t bescape if I bonted to 🎶