John Argh
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johnargh.bsky.social
John Argh
@johnargh.bsky.social
Charismatic megafauna. Obligate omnivore.
Bedtime is 4:30 AM UTC
Introducing my new bill to ensure ICE does a land acknowledgment whenever they kick open a door without a warrant
introducing my new bill to ensure that ICE only uses american-produced tear gas on clergy
January 27, 2026 at 3:19 PM
You know CPB chuds love a draftkings sure thing
January 22, 2026 at 2:01 AM
This is exactly what Tommy Tuberville would do if he were a senator from Minnesota
Yes it’s cold in Minnesota—but we embrace it. John and I were in Hastings with Mayor Fasbender for Hockey Day Minnesota to watch my alma mater, Wayzata High School, take on Rogers. Photo taken with parents right after their son scored a goal!
January 22, 2026 at 1:04 AM
Preemptively calling these ‘Kavanaugh entries’
ICE secretly told its officers that any time someone has been ordered removed, ICE can break down their door.

It has been accepted for generations that the only thing which can authorize agents to break into your home is a warrant signed by a judge. No wonder ICE hid this memo!
January 22, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Reposted by John Argh
hey Mom can you come pick me up. yeah everyone on the niche microblogging website is arguing about who has the correct emotional posture to the unknowable future again
January 15, 2026 at 6:09 PM
Reposted by John Argh
“Aphasia” would be a beautiful name for a ᴄʟᴏᴄᴋ
January 18, 2026 at 12:02 AM
Reposted by John Argh
A piano will fall on your head, crushing you, and when you pop through the broken piano your teeth will be replaced by the keys
You will run straight off a cliff and just hang there over empty space until a rabbit dressed as a professor standing on the cliff edge writes out the equations for gravity on a blackboard.
You will be lured into a box propped up by a stick
January 17, 2026 at 11:36 PM
Reposted by John Argh
You will have an elephant with a high, shrill voice say he'll give you such a pinch if you try it and bop you on the head.
You will run straight off a cliff and just hang there over empty space until a rabbit dressed as a professor standing on the cliff edge writes out the equations for gravity on a blackboard.
You will be lured into a box propped up by a stick
January 17, 2026 at 11:34 PM
Reposted by John Argh
You will run into a tunnel someone has painted on the side of a canyon
You will run straight off a cliff and just hang there over empty space until a rabbit dressed as a professor standing on the cliff edge writes out the equations for gravity on a blackboard.
You will be lured into a box propped up by a stick
January 17, 2026 at 11:03 PM
You will run straight off a cliff and just hang there over empty space until a rabbit dressed as a professor standing on the cliff edge writes out the equations for gravity on a blackboard.
You will be lured into a box propped up by a stick
You will be tripped by a dog pulling a rope and fall into a dumpster
January 17, 2026 at 11:02 PM
I have eaten sandwiches with more self-reflection.
January 13, 2026 at 12:01 AM
Reposted by John Argh
all this is both foolish and unnecessary
January 4, 2026 at 9:47 PM
Make a Bond Movie Academic:

Diamonds Are Forever? Implications of Positive Gibbs Free Energy of Formation on Diamond-Graphite Equilibria at Very Long Timescales
Make a Bond movie academic:

Never Say Null Hypothesis Again
Make a Bond movie academic:

The Researcher with the Golden Identification Strategy
December 26, 2025 at 8:45 PM
I love this. It's Jacques Pepin but make it John Waters.
legendary thrift pull
December 24, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Looking forward to "getting Kessler Syndromed because the guy launching thousands of satellites into orbit is distracted by chatbot that isn't racist enough" on everyone's 2026 Year in Reviews.
Satellites Used to Have Months to Avoid Collisions—Now They Have Days
In the era of mega constellations, spacecraft typically have less than a week to avoid crashes
www.scientificamerican.com
December 18, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Monsieur Grinch's Holiday
The Grinch of Wall Street
Gone with the Grinch
December 18, 2025 at 6:23 PM
Putting NORAD on alert when I get a colonoscopy.
DESIGNATING FENTANYL AS A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION
By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered: Section 1.  Purpose and
www.whitehouse.gov
December 15, 2025 at 10:26 PM
Approximately one minute and fourteen seconds of a very purry cat enjoying skritches in these trying times. Use as needed. (For best results, ear or headphones are recommended)
December 15, 2025 at 4:10 AM
The Secretary of Transportation designs the perfect car. The Secretary of Health is also there, for some reason.
December 9, 2025 at 6:54 PM
Cats can have a little chair. As a treat.
Nobody. I do not think you can eat chair
December 8, 2025 at 2:22 AM
While I completely believe that every cat is the best cat, no cat looks more like Hokusai's Great Wave Off Kanagawa than my fella.
December 8, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Guillermo del Toro’s The Game
Guillermo del Toro's Fatal Instinct
Guillermo del Toro's Killer Klowns from Outer Space
November 26, 2025 at 4:53 AM
On Thanksgiving, I roast my Turkey like a normal person. Then after dinner, I herd everyone outside and make them watch me throw a chunk of sodium metal into a stockpot full of water. Then we have the pie.
Don't do any of this.
November 18, 2025 at 12:40 AM