Cool Lizard
@llizardd.bsky.social
Pinned
Cool Lizard
@llizardd.bsky.social
· Dec 10
I forgot my ssn. Can I borrow yours?
Reposted by Cool Lizard
CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These Year
theonion.com/cia-realizes...
theonion.com/cia-realizes...
December 19, 2025 at 9:27 PM
CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These Year
theonion.com/cia-realizes...
theonion.com/cia-realizes...
American Airlines is ass again
December 9, 2025 at 5:41 AM
American Airlines is ass again
Reposted by Cool Lizard
Fascism in America will manifest as a series of atrocities viewed through phones with footage that gets closer and closer to where you live until there's a pounding on your door.
February 11, 2025 at 1:30 AM
Fascism in America will manifest as a series of atrocities viewed through phones with footage that gets closer and closer to where you live until there's a pounding on your door.
wots all this about “slobbin on bubba”?
November 15, 2025 at 2:11 PM
wots all this about “slobbin on bubba”?
Reposted by Cool Lizard
Reposted by Cool Lizard
Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time
November 5, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time
Happy halloween you farts, i am a weiner
October 31, 2025 at 3:52 PM
Happy halloween you farts, i am a weiner
Reposted by Cool Lizard
Delete your Spotify right now I'm so dead ass
Fuck it man I'm not even gonna do my "all streaming is evil" spiel just use anything other than Spotify
Fuck it man I'm not even gonna do my "all streaming is evil" spiel just use anything other than Spotify
Spotify responded that the ads do not violate its policies.
Spotify is running ICE hiring ads boasting wild signing bonuses
Spotify responded that the ads do not violate its policies.
bit.ly
October 15, 2025 at 9:17 PM
Delete your Spotify right now I'm so dead ass
Fuck it man I'm not even gonna do my "all streaming is evil" spiel just use anything other than Spotify
Fuck it man I'm not even gonna do my "all streaming is evil" spiel just use anything other than Spotify
Reposted by Cool Lizard
NEW: A federal judge in Miami has ruled that operations at the controversial detention facility Alligator Alcatraz must begin to wind down, ordering state and federal officials to stop transferring detainees there and relocate current detainees within 60 days.
Judge: Tear down Alligator Alcatraz within 60 days
"This decision sends a clear message that environmental laws must be respected by leaders at the highest levels of our government."
www.motherjones.com
August 22, 2025 at 3:56 PM
NEW: A federal judge in Miami has ruled that operations at the controversial detention facility Alligator Alcatraz must begin to wind down, ordering state and federal officials to stop transferring detainees there and relocate current detainees within 60 days.
Reposted by Cool Lizard
Reposted by Cool Lizard
If I Take A Bullet For My Child, How Will They Learn To Take Bullets Themselves? theonion.com/if-i-ta...
July 16, 2025 at 6:00 PM
If I Take A Bullet For My Child, How Will They Learn To Take Bullets Themselves? theonion.com/if-i-ta...
Reposted by Cool Lizard
UPDATE: Three days on, disabled veteran and US citizen George Retes is still missing after being kidnapped by ICE.
His wife has phoned every law enforcement agency in the area, they all say they don’t know where he is.
It was his daughter’s third birthday yesterday.
This is America now.
His wife has phoned every law enforcement agency in the area, they all say they don’t know where he is.
It was his daughter’s third birthday yesterday.
This is America now.
July 13, 2025 at 10:30 AM
UPDATE: Three days on, disabled veteran and US citizen George Retes is still missing after being kidnapped by ICE.
His wife has phoned every law enforcement agency in the area, they all say they don’t know where he is.
It was his daughter’s third birthday yesterday.
This is America now.
His wife has phoned every law enforcement agency in the area, they all say they don’t know where he is.
It was his daughter’s third birthday yesterday.
This is America now.
office worker gourmand (cope)
July 8, 2025 at 3:18 PM
office worker gourmand (cope)
squid game 3 is dumb as hell
July 8, 2025 at 2:29 AM
squid game 3 is dumb as hell
i put onion peels in an outdoor bucket and expect it to solve all life’s problems
shitposting, doomposting, pals i’m out here COMPOSTING 🤪🤪
July 6, 2025 at 3:45 PM
i put onion peels in an outdoor bucket and expect it to solve all life’s problems
shitposting, doomposting, pals i’m out here COMPOSTING 🤪🤪
July 6, 2025 at 3:45 PM
shitposting, doomposting, pals i’m out here COMPOSTING 🤪🤪
My life is becoming more formed and fulfilling, thanks to personal discovery and connections forming
July 6, 2025 at 3:02 PM
My life is becoming more formed and fulfilling, thanks to personal discovery and connections forming
Reposted by Cool Lizard
ME: I thought Tom Jones was a dead English singer, but he’s alive and Welsh.
WIFE: You write some awful jokes.
ME: It’s not unusual.
WIFE: You write some awful jokes.
ME: It’s not unusual.
July 4, 2025 at 1:17 AM
ME: I thought Tom Jones was a dead English singer, but he’s alive and Welsh.
WIFE: You write some awful jokes.
ME: It’s not unusual.
WIFE: You write some awful jokes.
ME: It’s not unusual.
Reposted by Cool Lizard
taking a “sabbatical, jr.” (trip to the bathroom)
July 3, 2025 at 12:51 PM
taking a “sabbatical, jr.” (trip to the bathroom)
Reposted by Cool Lizard
i'm taking "mini unemployment" by eating a mid-day meal at my job lasting 30-60 minutes
July 3, 2025 at 12:48 PM
i'm taking "mini unemployment" by eating a mid-day meal at my job lasting 30-60 minutes
Reposted by Cool Lizard
the zoomers have rebranded vacation
July 3, 2025 at 12:47 PM
the zoomers have rebranded vacation
Reposted by Cool Lizard
Take it from me: I'm a reverse kleptomaniac.
June 17, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Take it from me: I'm a reverse kleptomaniac.
Reposted by Cool Lizard
Bezos Wedding Guests Delighted By Amazon Worker With Ring Tied To Collar Crawling Down Aisle theonion.com/bezos-w...
Bezos Wedding Guests Delighted By Amazon Worker With Ring Tied To Collar Crawling Down Aisle
VENICE, ITALY—Smiling at the couple’s lighthearted twist on a traditional ring bearer, guests at the wedding of Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez were reportedly delighted this week by the sight of an Amazon worker with a ring tied to his collar crawling down the aisle. “Oh my gosh, my heart is melting—such a good boy,” […]
theonion.com
June 29, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Bezos Wedding Guests Delighted By Amazon Worker With Ring Tied To Collar Crawling Down Aisle theonion.com/bezos-w...
Reposted by Cool Lizard
“Independence day is canceled because of fear of secret police raids” is really a level of on the nose political symbolism you just can’t make up.
LA Times - Several communities in Los Angeles County have called off or postponed their previously scheduled Independence Day and July events, citing resident safety amid ongoing immigration enforcement raids.
Fear of immigration raids force the cancellation of several July festivities in Los Angeles
Here are some of the July festivities that have been canceled in Los Angeles out of fear over immigration raids.
www.latimes.com
June 28, 2025 at 7:51 PM
“Independence day is canceled because of fear of secret police raids” is really a level of on the nose political symbolism you just can’t make up.