Author | Lightnews

The Sweaty Gardener

@sweatygardener.bsky.social

630 followers 680 following 340 posts

I say things that are not to everyone's taste and I pick my nose

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Ashley @ashleysays.bsky.social · 2h

Wrong kind of Dick to wake up to but I’ll sure take it

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The Sweaty Gardener @sweatygardener.bsky.social · 18h

I'm selling feet pics if anyone is interested.

I won't divulge how many feet.

The Sweaty Gardener @sweatygardener.bsky.social · 1d

I can stay awake throughout the entirety of Godfather 3

- Me, flirting.

The Sweaty Gardener @sweatygardener.bsky.social · 4d

Going to do one sit up and announce it as a workout.

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The Sweaty Gardener @sweatygardener.bsky.social · 4d

I only came here to watch porn but ended up bumping into old friends.

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Jim @jimstewart.bsky.social · 5d

Oh look, your mom ordered Door Dash.

Green tanker-style truck with the word, "Semen" in red lettering on the tank.

Definitely more than a mouthful.

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 5d

i like to pretend that every adult wearing a cast on their arm hurt themselves violently masturbating

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 5d

pinch my nipples and tell me im real

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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · 6d

First date idea: We flip each other off.

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sara @sarasoci.al · 5d

what if penises had little hands and u could jerk someone off with yuour penis hands

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Ashley @ashleysays.bsky.social · 5d

Not sure why everyone isn’t cheering for the BlueJays

Bjs are so fun

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Ashley @ashleysays.bsky.social · 5d

I feel like this is most of you at work

Raccoons Hourly @raccoonhourly.bsky.social · 5d

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The Sweaty Gardener @sweatygardener.bsky.social · 5d

a judge sitting at a desk with the word guilty written on the table in front of him

ALT: a judge sitting at a desk with the word guilty written on the table in front of him

media.tenor.com

Reposted by The Sweaty Gardener

Ashley @ashleysays.bsky.social · 6d

I saved a pretty big spider from the flames of my stove by putting him on a paper towel and putting him outside. Where’s my Nobel Peace Prize

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The Sweaty Gardener @sweatygardener.bsky.social · 5d

I'm unorthodox, I cum a number of months prior to sex

The Sweaty Gardener @sweatygardener.bsky.social · 5d

I'm pretty superficial, so happy shalloween

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The Sweaty Gardener @sweatygardener.bsky.social · 6d

If I grow a mullet, does that instantly make me a sex machine?

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WineMummy @winemummy.bsky.social · Sep 11

I don’t know who needs to hear this but turn off the fucking news and go outside.

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The Sweaty Gardener @sweatygardener.bsky.social · Sep 11

Pornstars take a shot to the neck almost everyday, you don't see them dying.

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The Sweaty Gardener @sweatygardener.bsky.social · Sep 11

We be fucking but I'm wearing chain mail

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Knew Nic @knewagirlnic.bsky.social · Sep 6

Welcome to your 50s, using the bathroom is now a multi-stage process.

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Pot Shop Boy @potshopboy.bsky.social · Sep 5

I think my toilet is finally sick of my shit.

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Jenn 🩷 @alldolledup44.bsky.social · Sep 6

Do they make a full body sized ice pack? Asking for a friend.

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Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · Sep 4

Forget the hoodie, I’m stealing your flannel and maybe your soul.

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