Monkey One
@vitruvianmonkey.bsky.social
Livin’ the farce, baby!
Pinned
I hope you fucking enlighten yourself. I hope you pieces of shit experience the pure joy of perfect clarity. I hope you losers find truth and pursue it like it holds the secret to immortality. I hope your dumb eyes are opened and full of wisdom and purpose.
Ever since I turned forty.
February 7, 2026 at 9:37 PM
Ever since I turned forty.
I apologize to all the sci-fi writers I ever made fun of for trying to invent futuristic slang. This is much worse than what any of you came up with.
we gotta open the schools…or close down the schools. not sure. yikes
February 7, 2026 at 9:34 PM
I apologize to all the sci-fi writers I ever made fun of for trying to invent futuristic slang. This is much worse than what any of you came up with.
I’ve never understood the “Hillary/Kamala warned us” posts. Every person who runs against someone else in an election warns people about their opponent. Half the country was warning the other half about Donald Trump. It took no special insight.
Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris, warned us about Donald Trump. Two leading women that would have lifted our country up. Yet, here we are.
February 7, 2026 at 6:16 PM
I’ve never understood the “Hillary/Kamala warned us” posts. Every person who runs against someone else in an election warns people about their opponent. Half the country was warning the other half about Donald Trump. It took no special insight.
I’m sneering a little bit at Plato. Just a bit.
"Folks on the left will eventually come to terms with the fact they have nowhere else to go," says the founder of the Classic Learning Test. "You can only sneer at Plato, Augustine, Aquinas, Dante, and Shakespeare for so long before the sneering itself starts to look unserious."
WHO IS SNEERING
WHO IS SNEERING
February 7, 2026 at 3:12 AM
I’m sneering a little bit at Plato. Just a bit.
If she’d stop storing her black olives in freshly pressed olive oil she wouldn’t have this problem.
Had no choice but to pay $40 for a taxi burrito because I couldn't figure out how to decant olives
February 7, 2026 at 2:44 AM
If she’d stop storing her black olives in freshly pressed olive oil she wouldn’t have this problem.
Reposted by Monkey One
DHS thinks I'm the leader of antifa
YouTube video by Chandler Patey
youtube.com
February 6, 2026 at 11:13 PM
Rewatching this and I still can’t believe they did the worldwide EMP storyline, in which Magneto pretty unequivocally kills everyone on life support, with a pacemaker, or in an airborne plane.
February 7, 2026 at 12:02 AM
Rewatching this and I still can’t believe they did the worldwide EMP storyline, in which Magneto pretty unequivocally kills everyone on life support, with a pacemaker, or in an airborne plane.
Me and the homies judging you.
February 6, 2026 at 11:27 PM
Me and the homies judging you.
Yes, we’ve done the curse words.
February 6, 2026 at 11:24 PM
Yes, we’ve done the curse words.
Is anyone else losing likes and reposts that you’ve made on other posts?
February 6, 2026 at 10:51 PM
Is anyone else losing likes and reposts that you’ve made on other posts?
I dunno, things are pretty unacceptable now and Americans still haven’t sieged the White House to remove the mad pervert king. I’m not sure stealing an election with voter suppression would generate anything more concrete than further protest theater.
February 6, 2026 at 8:37 PM
I dunno, things are pretty unacceptable now and Americans still haven’t sieged the White House to remove the mad pervert king. I’m not sure stealing an election with voter suppression would generate anything more concrete than further protest theater.
I’m sending Evelyn Normielib this story and a gun.
This is Maria, a 6-year-old detained by ICE last year.
She began to unravel soon after arriving at a detention center in Texas, wetting the bed after years without accidents, crying through the night and begging to breastfeed again.
Most of all, she wanted to be reunited with her cat, Milo. 1/
She began to unravel soon after arriving at a detention center in Texas, wetting the bed after years without accidents, crying through the night and begging to breastfeed again.
Most of all, she wanted to be reunited with her cat, Milo. 1/
February 6, 2026 at 7:41 PM
I’m sending Evelyn Normielib this story and a gun.
Reposted by Monkey One
This is Maria, a 6-year-old detained by ICE last year.
She began to unravel soon after arriving at a detention center in Texas, wetting the bed after years without accidents, crying through the night and begging to breastfeed again.
Most of all, she wanted to be reunited with her cat, Milo. 1/
She began to unravel soon after arriving at a detention center in Texas, wetting the bed after years without accidents, crying through the night and begging to breastfeed again.
Most of all, she wanted to be reunited with her cat, Milo. 1/
February 6, 2026 at 6:25 PM
This is Maria, a 6-year-old detained by ICE last year.
She began to unravel soon after arriving at a detention center in Texas, wetting the bed after years without accidents, crying through the night and begging to breastfeed again.
Most of all, she wanted to be reunited with her cat, Milo. 1/
She began to unravel soon after arriving at a detention center in Texas, wetting the bed after years without accidents, crying through the night and begging to breastfeed again.
Most of all, she wanted to be reunited with her cat, Milo. 1/
That staffer’s name? Stephen M.
No, that’s too obvious, let’s just call him S. Miller.
No, that’s too obvious, let’s just call him S. Miller.
POLITICO reporting that the White House has now claimed the ape video was an accident and removed it.
February 6, 2026 at 5:16 PM
That staffer’s name? Stephen M.
No, that’s too obvious, let’s just call him S. Miller.
No, that’s too obvious, let’s just call him S. Miller.
Reposted by Monkey One
Legally here on a work permit. Arrested when he went to renew it. Not fighting his deportation. Yet he's been in detention 29 days. No access to a lawyer. Has been given no information about his case. Family inquiries also ignored. ICE only responded when local news requested comment.
‘Nobody gives me information’: Jacksonville-area man held in ‘Deportation Depot’ for weeks talks conditions, challenges
Macario Pablo-Reyes, 49, has been held for weeks at the Baker County Immigration and Customs Enforcement facility, sometimes referred to as the “Deportation Depot.”
www.news4jax.com
February 6, 2026 at 1:35 PM
Legally here on a work permit. Arrested when he went to renew it. Not fighting his deportation. Yet he's been in detention 29 days. No access to a lawyer. Has been given no information about his case. Family inquiries also ignored. ICE only responded when local news requested comment.
Tim Scott accidentally revealing that he has noticed the racism before and chose to remain silent and compliant.
February 6, 2026 at 5:07 PM
Tim Scott accidentally revealing that he has noticed the racism before and chose to remain silent and compliant.
Counteroffer: we ruin everything until someone gets rid of these monsters.
February 6, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Counteroffer: we ruin everything until someone gets rid of these monsters.
“kamala harris’s 6-7 themed zoomer digital marketing”…and I’ve already had an aneurysm.
kamala harris's 6-7 themed zoomer digital marketing group has already changed its name after getting made fun of. for some reason they changed it to "68." we're witnessing a level of political instinct never before imaginable
February 6, 2026 at 3:32 PM
“kamala harris’s 6-7 themed zoomer digital marketing”…and I’ve already had an aneurysm.
It was not immediately clear whether the president knew that firing a gun into the crowd was dangerous.
February 6, 2026 at 2:54 PM
It was not immediately clear whether the president knew that firing a gun into the crowd was dangerous.
You see mid-2000s emo, I see weight loss journey Drew Carey.
Was this very mid-2000s emo person press-ganged into ICE servitude?
February 6, 2026 at 2:50 PM
You see mid-2000s emo, I see weight loss journey Drew Carey.
I’m seeing that Epstein invested $57 million, I’m seeing that someone who had $57 million invested discussed removing it, and I’m seeing that the redemptions for that month started the crisis. I’m not seeing an explicit statement that the investor went through with redeeming his $57 mil, though.
February 6, 2026 at 2:15 AM
I’m seeing that Epstein invested $57 million, I’m seeing that someone who had $57 million invested discussed removing it, and I’m seeing that the redemptions for that month started the crisis. I’m not seeing an explicit statement that the investor went through with redeeming his $57 mil, though.
Folks, they’re telling me the old world is dead and the new is struggling to be born. Gyres have never been wider, and that’s good, we like big gyres here. But let me turn it over to my “rough beast,” Bobby Kennedy. Bobby?
February 5, 2026 at 11:13 PM
Folks, they’re telling me the old world is dead and the new is struggling to be born. Gyres have never been wider, and that’s good, we like big gyres here. But let me turn it over to my “rough beast,” Bobby Kennedy. Bobby?
Reposted by Monkey One
Cops were frequently getting caught planting drugs in 2017 because body cameras were new and many of them didn't understand how the technology worked.
When cops hit "record" it saved the 30 seconds from *before* they hit the button. Eventually, they figured it out.
When cops hit "record" it saved the 30 seconds from *before* they hit the button. Eventually, they figured it out.
Why Cops Frequently Got Caught Planting Drugs in 2017
Look. All technology comes with a learning curve.
gizmodo.com
February 5, 2026 at 9:21 PM
Cops were frequently getting caught planting drugs in 2017 because body cameras were new and many of them didn't understand how the technology worked.
When cops hit "record" it saved the 30 seconds from *before* they hit the button. Eventually, they figured it out.
When cops hit "record" it saved the 30 seconds from *before* they hit the button. Eventually, they figured it out.
Nah, it’s actually very funny that the National Prayer Breakfast is being hijacked by an old pervert to talk about all the people he refuses to forgive and how much he loves prisons.
February 5, 2026 at 2:48 PM
Nah, it’s actually very funny that the National Prayer Breakfast is being hijacked by an old pervert to talk about all the people he refuses to forgive and how much he loves prisons.
Top ten expression.
February 5, 2026 at 3:40 AM
Top ten expression.