Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 1h

lol this rules this is like an adult swim show

"Big news in the world of show business," Metaxas began the first episode. "Harrison Ford will be returning for a fifth Indiana Jones movie. Yeah. In this one Harrison will find an ancient artifact ….. by looking in the mirror."
There were a few titters from the audience, and scattered applause. Metaxas, appearing nervous, continued with the one-liners:
"Barbie's longtime companion, Ken, just turned 61 years old. Yeah. And he said the perfect gift for his birthday would be to finally get a prostate."
This time there were some audible groans.
Metaxas stuck at it.

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 1h

israel is disappearing jewish americans

Jewish Currents @jewishcurrents.bsky.social · 4h

The flotilla carrying Jewish Currents reporter Emily Wilder has been captured by the Israeli military. Please contact Emily's senators and representatives—Adam Schiff, Alex Padilla, and Jimmy Gomez—and urge them to advocate for her safe release from Israeli detention

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 1h

if i get twenty thousand replies here i will create an account

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 1h

how many of y'all would follow me if i created a mastodon? i don't want to suffer the indignity of having fewer than twenty thousand followers

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 2h

they should close florida to the grinch next. fuck that joyless green bastard

Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net · 2h

This is a real tweet by the Florida AG.

**Alt text:**
A social media post by Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier states that, as of October 1st, all Florida airports are closed to any weather modification activities. The post urges people to report violations of the new law at reportfloridaskies.com. Below the message are two airport notices. The first shows Daytona Beach International Airport (DAB) closed to geoengineering and weather modification aircraft except with 48-hour prior permission. The second shows Palm Beach International Airport (PBI) closed to aircraft equipped with weather modification or geoengineering equipment except with 24-hour prior permission.

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 2h

the triangle goes in the square hole tiktok

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 2h

asking permission from car owners to use their catalytic converters would kill the stealing catalytic converter industry

The Verge @theverge.com · May 26

Nick Clegg says asking artists for use permission would ‘kill’ the AI industry

Paul McCartne, Elton John and others signed an open letter.

buff.ly

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 2h

nope. it happened due to a magical elf who lives on my shoulder whom only i can see and hear

Conrad Hackett @conradhackett.bsky.social · 16h

Has anything great happened in your life because of social media?

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 2h

is ice getting paid during the shutdown?

if not i support continuing the shutdown for another three years

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Paul F. Tompkins @pftompkins.bsky.social · 4h

FanTASTIC news let’s get this done

The Verge @theverge.com · May 26

Nick Clegg says asking artists for use permission would ‘kill’ the AI industry

Paul McCartne, Elton John and others signed an open letter.

buff.ly

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 4h

shits not good fam

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 5h

if john lennon were alive today he'd say "oh boy" every day he read the news

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Cooger & Dark’s Pandemonium Shadow Podcast @gonebabygone.bsky.social · 7h

I say this with love, some of you are going to lose your life savings to a man who says you have parking tickets that can only be paid in Target gift cards

Angry @angrystaffer.bsky.social · 7h

👀👀👀👀

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Kristi Yamaguccimane @wapplehouse.bsky.social · 1d

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 9h

they're trying to tell you this guy is an antisemite

Zohran Kwame Mamdani @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social · 1d

I grew up going to Zabar's. So many of my childhood memories center around the best lox in NYC (which is saying something). With Saul Zabar's passing today, the Upper West Side has lost a legend who turned his parent's humble store into a culinary institution.

Saul Zabar, Smoked Fish Czar of Upper West Side, Dies at 97

www.nytimes.com

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 20h

can't have the fourth amendment without the second amendment

Bill Conroy @bconroy.bsky.social · 22h

Masked ICE agents are violating the 4th Amendment blatantly. The amendment isn't foggy. It doesn't say "citizens." It says "the right of the people" to be secure in their persons and homes. Sue them as John Does. You can if they violate your constitutional rights. I would. See Bivens lawsuit.

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 20h

let's go blue jays

Keegan Matheson @keeganmatheson.bsky.social · 21h

Some boos over the start of the Canadian national anthem here at Yankee Stadium, following the “U-S-A!” chant. #BlueJays

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Bob Wehadababyitsaboy @followers4algernon.bsky.social · 22h

Fuck… FUCK. I think my baby’s favorite music is ska.

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acabylon 👻 BOO! 👻 @acabylonbee.bsky.social · 20h

your pizza fuckin sucks tho

Governor JB Pritzker @govpritzker.illinois.gov · 1d

BEST BIG CITY IN THE US 9 YEARS IN A ROW.

While critics try to paint Chicago as something to fear, the rest of the world knows the truth — this is the best big city in America.