Chris Theisen
@ctheisen.bsky.social
Security for Microsoft. PhD from NCSU in computer science and infosec. Love bunnies. Reigning Uniracers world champion. My friend Bonzi Buddy tells me what my opinions are.
Not sure if this was really @pftompkins.bsky.social on @dropout.tv @gamechangershow.bsky.social because he didn't use his catchphrase "Well well well, look at this candy-ass motherfucker! You wanna fight Santa?"
May 6, 2025 at 6:50 PM
Not sure if this was really @pftompkins.bsky.social on @dropout.tv @gamechangershow.bsky.social because he didn't use his catchphrase "Well well well, look at this candy-ass motherfucker! You wanna fight Santa?"
:Attenborough Voice: Such a concentration of boomers has never been filmed
I found a group of 17,000 people called "Facebook complaints center" and every single post on there is amazing
April 21, 2024 at 2:31 PM
:Attenborough Voice: Such a concentration of boomers has never been filmed
Reposted by Chris Theisen
Oh, shit! I am sorry, stoners. Please do not weakly throw things at me, then forget what you were doing, and sit back down on the couch.
First the Came for the Double Down, and I said nothing...
I can't believe we're witnessing this sort of anti-stoner slander on a stoner holiday. From America's sweetheart no less. Sad. Tragic.
I can't believe we're witnessing this sort of anti-stoner slander on a stoner holiday. From America's sweetheart no less. Sad. Tragic.
Everything the tech industry does now all just feels insanely and stupidly over the top. It is the coked up third album, so bloated with its own self importance, that everybody hates. It’s Cats or Waterworld or Showgirls, with no fun kitsch factor. A KFC Double Down.
April 20, 2024 at 9:16 PM
Oh, shit! I am sorry, stoners. Please do not weakly throw things at me, then forget what you were doing, and sit back down on the couch.
Reposted by Chris Theisen
Full disclosure: Everything I've every posted on BlueSky has been Al-generated content
April 18, 2024 at 9:08 PM
Full disclosure: Everything I've every posted on BlueSky has been Al-generated content
Reposted by Chris Theisen
ANY GIVEN CASTING DIRECTOR: So the character’s a creepy little freak, who do we got
Miles away, Walton Goggins tilts his head like a dog hearing a frequency no one else can hear. He sniffs the air. A slow, genuine, but terrifying, smile fills his face.
Miles away, Walton Goggins tilts his head like a dog hearing a frequency no one else can hear. He sniffs the air. A slow, genuine, but terrifying, smile fills his face.
April 12, 2024 at 4:08 PM
ANY GIVEN CASTING DIRECTOR: So the character’s a creepy little freak, who do we got
Miles away, Walton Goggins tilts his head like a dog hearing a frequency no one else can hear. He sniffs the air. A slow, genuine, but terrifying, smile fills his face.
Miles away, Walton Goggins tilts his head like a dog hearing a frequency no one else can hear. He sniffs the air. A slow, genuine, but terrifying, smile fills his face.
Reposted by Chris Theisen
Every Irish band booked to play SXSW has pulled out, joining the boycott in solidarity with Gaza. You love to see it
All Irish bands have now cancelled their official SXSW performances | Nialler9
What began with an initial boycott and cancellation of SXSW Festival shows this past weekend by Kneecap in the wake of their US TV debut has now resulted
t.co
March 13, 2024 at 1:16 AM
Every Irish band booked to play SXSW has pulled out, joining the boycott in solidarity with Gaza. You love to see it
Reposted by Chris Theisen
one of the wildest things about working in security engineering is that you’ll have a truly hellish week, but trying to explain it to someone who doesn’t understand the job is virtually indistinguishable from “i was trying to play call of duty and some teenager was really mean to me.”
March 9, 2024 at 6:41 PM
one of the wildest things about working in security engineering is that you’ll have a truly hellish week, but trying to explain it to someone who doesn’t understand the job is virtually indistinguishable from “i was trying to play call of duty and some teenager was really mean to me.”
Reposted by Chris Theisen
“TV is too woke now!” Sir, we grew up with a television show where a racially diverse group of kids summon a man with green hair to fight climate change
February 17, 2024 at 3:04 AM
“TV is too woke now!” Sir, we grew up with a television show where a racially diverse group of kids summon a man with green hair to fight climate change
Reposted by Chris Theisen
Shitty ai being integrated into everything despite it being ass is like nepotism with a bunch of tech billionaires insisting we have to work with and take seriously their idiot robot son
February 16, 2024 at 12:44 PM
Shitty ai being integrated into everything despite it being ass is like nepotism with a bunch of tech billionaires insisting we have to work with and take seriously their idiot robot son
Reposted by Chris Theisen
I don’t understand the need for women on Instagram to have tens or even hundreds of Stanley cups.
17 years ago two girls could share one cup and be happy.
17 years ago two girls could share one cup and be happy.
January 18, 2024 at 11:28 PM
I don’t understand the need for women on Instagram to have tens or even hundreds of Stanley cups.
17 years ago two girls could share one cup and be happy.
17 years ago two girls could share one cup and be happy.
Reposted by Chris Theisen
Everything about the last half-dozen years, from COVID mitigations to criminalization of reproductive health and attacks on trans rights, has demonstrated to me that people in infosec are so much worse at threat modeling than they think they are.
January 18, 2024 at 6:48 PM
Everything about the last half-dozen years, from COVID mitigations to criminalization of reproductive health and attacks on trans rights, has demonstrated to me that people in infosec are so much worse at threat modeling than they think they are.
Reposted by Chris Theisen
My first newsletter of the year is about Substack's categorical failure to deal with their nazi problem, and how outlets like Platformer are, by striving for 'objectivity' and accepting Substack's framing, helping empower racists and bigots.
tinyurl.com/wyea011024
tinyurl.com/wyea011024
A Continual Christmas
At the end of a newsletter back in 2022, I retold a story shared by Michael B. Tager about a situation in a crust-punk bar, where he watched somebody get thrown out almost immediately on entering: The...
tinyurl.com
January 10, 2024 at 6:17 PM
My first newsletter of the year is about Substack's categorical failure to deal with their nazi problem, and how outlets like Platformer are, by striving for 'objectivity' and accepting Substack's framing, helping empower racists and bigots.
tinyurl.com/wyea011024
tinyurl.com/wyea011024
Reposted by Chris Theisen
This is:
1) An article of my recent Bluesky posts, so be careful out there.
2) Very weird, and seems to shame me for disclosing that I have depression.
1) An article of my recent Bluesky posts, so be careful out there.
2) Very weird, and seems to shame me for disclosing that I have depression.
October 6, 2023 at 7:56 PM
This is:
1) An article of my recent Bluesky posts, so be careful out there.
2) Very weird, and seems to shame me for disclosing that I have depression.
1) An article of my recent Bluesky posts, so be careful out there.
2) Very weird, and seems to shame me for disclosing that I have depression.
Reposted by Chris Theisen
I applaud @jaketapper.bsky.social professionalism for getting through the entire Leopards Eating People's Faces party meme without cracking a smile after McCarthy's unhinged press conference. That's a pro.
October 4, 2023 at 1:54 AM
I applaud @jaketapper.bsky.social professionalism for getting through the entire Leopards Eating People's Faces party meme without cracking a smile after McCarthy's unhinged press conference. That's a pro.
Reposted by Chris Theisen
Sure, Kevin McCarthy may have humiliated himself for Trump. Yes, it took him 15 tries to become Speaker. And, of course, he had to beg the dumbest, most racist people in Congress to vote for him. But on the bright side, he ended up with absolutely nothing.
October 3, 2023 at 9:06 PM
Sure, Kevin McCarthy may have humiliated himself for Trump. Yes, it took him 15 tries to become Speaker. And, of course, he had to beg the dumbest, most racist people in Congress to vote for him. But on the bright side, he ended up with absolutely nothing.
Finally, the burden of family members who are helping by yelling at people is lessened
"This clinic offers anyone using drugs a safe place to speak with someone trained to chastise them for their decisions and explain to them how their choices are all their fault."
New Clinic Provides Drug Users With Free Scolding
DAYTON, OH—In an effort to provide those suffering from substance-use disorder with the resources they need most, a drug clinic that opened its doors Tuesday in downtown Dayton confirmed it now prov...
www.theonion.com
October 3, 2023 at 6:12 PM
Finally, the burden of family members who are helping by yelling at people is lessened
Someone at work just referred to me as a "Security Bug Cop" and I've never been more insulted in my entire life :(
October 2, 2023 at 5:32 PM
Someone at work just referred to me as a "Security Bug Cop" and I've never been more insulted in my entire life :(
Reposted by Chris Theisen
remember the lady from New York who was cursed forever by ass-biting cockatoo ownership
October 2, 2023 at 1:05 PM
remember the lady from New York who was cursed forever by ass-biting cockatoo ownership
Reposted by Chris Theisen
my counterpart at a (tangentially) competing company is posting on linkedin about forrester reports, and i’m over there like
October 2, 2023 at 3:15 PM
my counterpart at a (tangentially) competing company is posting on linkedin about forrester reports, and i’m over there like
300 characters. Luxurious.
September 29, 2023 at 8:47 PM
300 characters. Luxurious.