Chris, it’s Mark Kelly. They’re after me and I need to take the next rocket into space as soon as possible. Can I count on you to chip in $15 by midnight so I can return to outer space where Trump and his goons can’t find me?

If you write javascript to replace "the markets" with "the spiders" then financial news makes much more sense

I don't think fame is supposed to exist really. I think most people are fucked up. someone gets famous, and then it's like "WHOA this person is fucked up???" and it's like... well, yeah......

(woman who's only read her own Harry Potter books) I'm getting some real Harry Potter vibes from this Iranian political rebellion

one of the things i hate most about this persistent line of argument is the implication that any of these actions would be fine if groceries were cheaper

Madeline Horwath

I was wondering how this might all turn out to have been my fault

Some of you would make very bad politicians.

🎶Chili's baby back ribs, I want my Chili's baby back ribs

B̶̜͖̓̈̏̽͂̋͑̏̅̽̚̚͘͝͝͝͝͝a̴̺͓̲̯̦̙̜̦͓͙̼̦͇̙̲͉͉̱͉̟͖͑̌͊́̈́̋̈́̓̔́̈́͋̇̅͂̔͒̊͑͐̔͒͌̉̕͘͝͠ͅͅŗ̶̨̛͔̩̭̥̠̬̲̪̪̘̞̠̺̞͙̙̟͑̃͒̿̂̀̊̋͗̊͗͗̔̿͊͂͛̀͌̋̎̏̓̓̾͋̚̚͜b̸̘̖̗͚̲͔̣͎͓͇̈̉̾̉͊̔͒̊̇̈́̅̓͗͒̇̀̇̓͋͛͌͋͊̚͝ͅą̵̠̺̰͙̦͉̪̙͎͕̥͉̩͓̼̺̳͌̒̑͊̇̒̏͐̀̎̌̿͒̒̑̆̿̽̇̑̉̚c̷̮̦͎͇̳̐̓̑̀́̄̇̚͝ͅư̶̰̹̹̞̘̺͉̟̮̓̂͛͆͐̀̿̋͂͗̃͆̓͗̐̏̽͆̆̿̆̒̑̄̌͌͛̚̚ͅĕ̷͈̏̄̌̍̍͗͑̈̓͂̏́̒̕͘ ̸̢̢̭̼̩͙̼͓̥̮̥̄̂̾͊̿̀̈́͊̉̆̓̊̿̎̀̊͋̍̿̄͌̀̋́͊̇̕͘͜͝͠ş̵̨̨̱̫͎̫͕̺̼̱̯̤͓͎̭̮͚͂̾͌̀͊̍̅̋̉̅̂́͗̈́͆̚͝a̸̧̨͍̩̥͛̂̈́͗͗͐̐͌̿̀u̵̢̧̧̨͖̲̱̝̼̠͓̞̤͙̜̣̤̫̥̪̭̙̻̟̻̟̺̟̒̂͑́̇̚͜͠͝c̴͖̱̠͓͈̹̠̞̤͈̤̹͐̋̐̍̏͐͋̓̂̇̎̏͂̚̚̕͠e̵̻͓̙̭̠̹̫͖̭̒̂̅͂͘͜͝🎶

Something Forbidden Stirs Deep Within Trump After He Sees Political Cartoon Depicting Him As Chicken https://theonion.com/something-forbidden-stirs-deep-within-trump-after-he-sees-political-cartoon-depicting-him-as-chicken/

"Did you see what Mark Cuban posted? Oh did you see the clapb—"

You shake yourself awake in the cold North Atlantic water. You are not online. It is July of 1858. You are a baleen whale, and you have changed your mind. The future most not come to pass. The telegraph cable must break.

2000: You need to have a website.
2008: Actually you need to be on our website.
2017: Our website has caused a genocide.
2024: And we think that’s good.

one lesser awful thing about the Epstein files is that genuine crimes against a huge number of children are being morphed into fuel for the influencer industrial complex who don't care about truth or accuracy and just want grist for the content mills

yes. she investigated the case of why everyone at the new york times hated her and discovered that it was because she was too smart and too brave.

Bari Weiss won't hear your remarks about how disgusted you are with her toadying to the admin but on the other hand yes she will, these people are absolute dogs for attention and would eat their own vomit on live TV if it meant even three people would notice them

bari weiss going to see the epstein files and ask bill clinton to do a town hall about what love means to him

I honestly cannot think of a current celebrity who is more suited to being a scene partner for the Muppets than Sabrina Carpenter