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@dopeshow.bsky.social

2.1K followers 930 following 1.9K posts

Cigarette butt collector, esquire. Legal Advice: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7kbe2ppvlcrszkduecbj4syj/feed/aaai5iu6grewk

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captcha @dopeshow.bsky.social · 29d

One day you'll make your little DIY toilet seat cover with three pieces of tissue paper for the very last time

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Ben @liztruss.bsky.social · 17h

You’ll know it’s real when I call you “dude” in bed

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Not JPo @notjpo.bsky.social · 18h

Just know that your great grandparents are looking down at you from heaven feeling so proud of your butthole skeets

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mindi @flawdbizkit.bsky.social · 19h

I'll meep you so hard, you'll call me beaker

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captcha @dopeshow.bsky.social · 5h

Her: Wanna watch a horror movie?

Me: Sure! Coraline or Edward Scissor Hands?

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 1d

Just remember, you’re only one or two life decisions away from shopping for camper toilets on Amazon

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Boo B 👻🐝 @vtbee80.bsky.social · 13h

in an alternate universe a nine volt battery is licking me

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 8h

if you don’t love me at my hooba you don’t deserve me at my stank

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teq @quilling.dev · 9h

my stalkers are starting to feel bad for me

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d.ly @dly.bsky.social · 8h

visiting friends with kids rocks bc they alway have snacks up the wazoo

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captcha @dopeshow.bsky.social · 8h

I thought edging was eating the crispy part of the lasagna!

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 9h

Women really be like “I’m sorry for what I said when you made me feel like an unlovable piece of shit”

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Blinky McBlinksalot @shannanegans.bsky.social · 11h

Remember Twitter cliques?

**thousand yard stare**

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 2d

Jazz up your posts by using words.

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 10h

*jumps up on a table at the morgue* give me a double

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Devi 🧙‍♀️✨ @deviwestside.bsky.social · 9h

The lack of engagement on my skeets is Mastodon’s fault (delusional)

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captcha @dopeshow.bsky.social · 9h

Told my date I would eat her out

...of house and home

......cause she has an amazing snack collection

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 3d

On Mastodon they don’t send dick pics, they send Mastodongs. No wonder people are leaving Bsky.

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𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠 @ironlilacc.bsky.social · 17d

Passing off my picked scabs as beef jerky for Halloween this year

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𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠 @ironlilacc.bsky.social · 15d

I need a febreeze that smells like my dad's approval

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𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠 @ironlilacc.bsky.social · 2d

Disgusted by children who can't give a proper high five

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𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠 @ironlilacc.bsky.social · 2d

Yeah you suck up that mess you love getting that filth inside you.
*me vacuuming*

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𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠 @ironlilacc.bsky.social · 1d

It's getting chilly out. Mind if I crack your ribs open and burrow inside?

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SpatialKimtamine @kimmalien.bsky.social · 14h

British people be like “I bot yew a fokin vape innit”

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[Sic] Burns @sicburns2.bsky.social · 16h

We’re already doing our first Halloween without Ozzy don’t you fucking dare make us do our first Christmas without Dolly

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Robbie 🌹 @ghostinaglass.bsky.social · 14h

Checking out rental options in my area and suddenly realising my roomates really aren't that bad

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