@girl-moss.bsky.social
Reposted
ICE Opens New Supermax Detention Center For Most Hardened Toddlers
ICE Opens New Supermax Detention Center For Most Hardened Toddlers
CORNUDAS, TX—In response to growing issues with its population of juvenile detainees, the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency reportedly announced on Tuesday the opening of a new supermax ...
theonion.com
September 6, 2025 at 6:02 PM
ICE Opens New Supermax Detention Center For Most Hardened Toddlers
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WHITE HOUSE AIDE: we need a distraction from the president being dead
OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
September 1, 2025 at 2:02 AM
WHITE HOUSE AIDE: we need a distraction from the president being dead
OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
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My translator tells me "thoughts & prayers" is an American political expression that means "we'd rather have a secret police force than a weather service".
July 6, 2025 at 7:20 AM
My translator tells me "thoughts & prayers" is an American political expression that means "we'd rather have a secret police force than a weather service".
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Only flipping 1 blizzard?! We used to be a proper country
June 27, 2025 at 8:50 PM
Only flipping 1 blizzard?! We used to be a proper country
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It’s every parent’s nightmare, isn’t it? you check your child’s bulletproof backpack and find a picture book about gay penguins
June 27, 2025 at 6:47 PM
It’s every parent’s nightmare, isn’t it? you check your child’s bulletproof backpack and find a picture book about gay penguins
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Gavin Newsom Sits Down For Podcast With Serial Killer Who Targets Homeless
Gavin Newsom Sits Down For Podcast With Serial Killer Who Targets Homeless
SACRAMENTO, CA—Promising his podcast listeners an engaging and enlightening conversation, California Gov. Gavin Newsom reportedly sat down Tuesday with a serial killer who targets the homeless populat...
theonion.com
May 13, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Gavin Newsom Sits Down For Podcast With Serial Killer Who Targets Homeless
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Fringe Catholic Sect Doesn’t Tolerate Child Abuse
theonion.com/fringe-...
theonion.com/fringe-...
May 8, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Fringe Catholic Sect Doesn’t Tolerate Child Abuse
theonion.com/fringe-...
theonion.com/fringe-...
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the new york sewer rats have finally elected a new rat pope
May 8, 2025 at 4:18 PM
the new york sewer rats have finally elected a new rat pope
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Mike Waltz has been fired for outrageously adding his wife and brother to a classified chat about national security.
Oh, I'm sorry, that was Pete Hegseth, who keeps his job.
Oh, I'm sorry, that was Pete Hegseth, who keeps his job.
May 1, 2025 at 4:28 PM
Mike Waltz has been fired for outrageously adding his wife and brother to a classified chat about national security.
Oh, I'm sorry, that was Pete Hegseth, who keeps his job.
Oh, I'm sorry, that was Pete Hegseth, who keeps his job.
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mike waltz: 😢🍺💥
pete hegseth: noooo way!!! such a bummer man. I do have to remove you from this top secret war crimes chat though.
[pete hegseth double added mike waltz to the chat]
pete hegseth: noooo way!!! such a bummer man. I do have to remove you from this top secret war crimes chat though.
[pete hegseth double added mike waltz to the chat]
May 1, 2025 at 4:49 PM
mike waltz: 😢🍺💥
pete hegseth: noooo way!!! such a bummer man. I do have to remove you from this top secret war crimes chat though.
[pete hegseth double added mike waltz to the chat]
pete hegseth: noooo way!!! such a bummer man. I do have to remove you from this top secret war crimes chat though.
[pete hegseth double added mike waltz to the chat]
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Oh my god you want me to find "evidence" before putting someone in jail? Every time?? Do you have any idea how long that would take
April 15, 2025 at 10:58 PM
Oh my god you want me to find "evidence" before putting someone in jail? Every time?? Do you have any idea how long that would take
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Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage
March 14, 2025 at 5:55 PM
Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage
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“Those nasty Canadians are ripping us off and are controlled by Mexican cartels. They’re poisoning us with fentanyl and need to become the 51st state or they will pay a high price” is a belief that literally ZERO Americans had six weeks ago. It’s entirely invented from scratch.
March 6, 2025 at 2:23 AM
“Those nasty Canadians are ripping us off and are controlled by Mexican cartels. They’re poisoning us with fentanyl and need to become the 51st state or they will pay a high price” is a belief that literally ZERO Americans had six weeks ago. It’s entirely invented from scratch.
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I think it's important to remember, with everything extremely fucked up and dumb right now, that at the root of it, fuck fuck fucking fucking fuck.
March 4, 2025 at 4:48 PM
I think it's important to remember, with everything extremely fucked up and dumb right now, that at the root of it, fuck fuck fucking fucking fuck.
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DoorDash Order Arrives In Humiliatingly Large Bag
theonion.com/doordash-ord...
theonion.com/doordash-ord...
March 4, 2025 at 7:00 PM
DoorDash Order Arrives In Humiliatingly Large Bag
theonion.com/doordash-ord...
theonion.com/doordash-ord...
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Supporters Praise Trump For Upholding Traditional American Value Of Supporting Murderous Dictators For Political Gain
February 28, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Supporters Praise Trump For Upholding Traditional American Value Of Supporting Murderous Dictators For Political Gain
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All the folks who exited NBC today. Seen together, hoo boy. Message received.
February 25, 2025 at 4:14 AM
All the folks who exited NBC today. Seen together, hoo boy. Message received.
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Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
WASHINGTON—Saying his latest executive order was legal due to an “underutilized but totally feasible workaround,” President Trump claimed Tuesday that he could overrule the U.S. Constitution by means ...
theonion.com
February 8, 2025 at 4:56 PM
Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
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The FBI’s core values, including integrity, compassion, fairness, and allegiance to the Constitution - and oh, yeah, diversity, are being painted over at the FBI Academy. Source: NYT.
January 31, 2025 at 7:26 PM
The FBI’s core values, including integrity, compassion, fairness, and allegiance to the Constitution - and oh, yeah, diversity, are being painted over at the FBI Academy. Source: NYT.
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Chick-Fil-A Raptured
theonion.com/chick-f...
theonion.com/chick-f...
January 29, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Chick-Fil-A Raptured
theonion.com/chick-f...
theonion.com/chick-f...
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Take a deep breath and enjoy positive news from around the world 🌍 🌱 (a thread) 1/3
January 30, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Take a deep breath and enjoy positive news from around the world 🌍 🌱 (a thread) 1/3