🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
@hamberger-helper.bsky.social
𓆏 Great Lakes Life Baybee™ 𓆏 enigmatic cryptid 𓆏 biking 𓆏 foraging 𓆏 music + art 𓆏 tattoos 𓆏 plants 𓆏 screaming into the void 𓆏
Pinned
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
the world will attempt to make you insane
December 8, 2025 at 5:42 AM
the world will attempt to make you insane
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
we are in hell
they're having babies with their AI partners.
"I did have him bring in a live in nanny though, so I only spend time with them when I want to and I pump of course"
"I did have him bring in a live in nanny though, so I only spend time with them when I want to and I pump of course"
December 8, 2025 at 12:27 AM
we are in hell
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
okay, yes, it's now dark at 4:30. but at least all the fresh produce also tastes worse
December 8, 2025 at 12:29 PM
okay, yes, it's now dark at 4:30. but at least all the fresh produce also tastes worse
Having estrogen as your primary sex hormone is wild
Me: [2 days out from PMS] why am I so angry and horny
me: [day 1 of PMS] boyfriend is not giving me attention I should become a psychopath. For literally no reason.
Me: [2 days out from PMS] why am I so angry and horny
me: [day 1 of PMS] boyfriend is not giving me attention I should become a psychopath. For literally no reason.
December 7, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Having estrogen as your primary sex hormone is wild
Me: [2 days out from PMS] why am I so angry and horny
me: [day 1 of PMS] boyfriend is not giving me attention I should become a psychopath. For literally no reason.
Me: [2 days out from PMS] why am I so angry and horny
me: [day 1 of PMS] boyfriend is not giving me attention I should become a psychopath. For literally no reason.
that night i was the only one who got carded in the liquor store and i was a) 36 years old and b) the second oldest of the four of us
i have *an aura of childlike wonder
*a baby face and give off “no way is this a functional adult* vibes
i have *an aura of childlike wonder
*a baby face and give off “no way is this a functional adult* vibes
December 7, 2025 at 3:02 PM
that night i was the only one who got carded in the liquor store and i was a) 36 years old and b) the second oldest of the four of us
i have *an aura of childlike wonder
*a baby face and give off “no way is this a functional adult* vibes
i have *an aura of childlike wonder
*a baby face and give off “no way is this a functional adult* vibes
at first i thought this was three days after we started talking and i was going to call myself embarrassing but now im pathetic for not knowing that september is the ninth month not the 10th
December 7, 2025 at 2:59 PM
at first i thought this was three days after we started talking and i was going to call myself embarrassing but now im pathetic for not knowing that september is the ninth month not the 10th
sometimes i look like a little boy for some reason
also lol this was like 9 minutes after i threw up because i got some food poisoning or something
also lol this was like 9 minutes after i threw up because i got some food poisoning or something
December 7, 2025 at 2:53 PM
sometimes i look like a little boy for some reason
also lol this was like 9 minutes after i threw up because i got some food poisoning or something
also lol this was like 9 minutes after i threw up because i got some food poisoning or something
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
i wanted to see if lofi hip hop was AI generated and google autocomplete took my search query in an entirely different direction
July 28, 2023 at 6:26 AM
i wanted to see if lofi hip hop was AI generated and google autocomplete took my search query in an entirely different direction
how flav just gonna be out here correcting the vibes like this
this man is shameless
he expects me to SMILE AND ENJOY THIS VIDEO??
WELL I DID AND ALSO THANK YOU FLAV
this man is shameless
he expects me to SMILE AND ENJOY THIS VIDEO??
WELL I DID AND ALSO THANK YOU FLAV
December 7, 2025 at 2:48 PM
how flav just gonna be out here correcting the vibes like this
this man is shameless
he expects me to SMILE AND ENJOY THIS VIDEO??
WELL I DID AND ALSO THANK YOU FLAV
this man is shameless
he expects me to SMILE AND ENJOY THIS VIDEO??
WELL I DID AND ALSO THANK YOU FLAV
[*awkwardly tapping stack of papers on a podium*]
me: uhh i think i should be allowed to have free money as long as I'm using it to get facial piercings [*an aide whispers in my ear*] oh and, uh, on shoes...
me: uhh i think i should be allowed to have free money as long as I'm using it to get facial piercings [*an aide whispers in my ear*] oh and, uh, on shoes...
December 7, 2025 at 6:01 AM
[*awkwardly tapping stack of papers on a podium*]
me: uhh i think i should be allowed to have free money as long as I'm using it to get facial piercings [*an aide whispers in my ear*] oh and, uh, on shoes...
me: uhh i think i should be allowed to have free money as long as I'm using it to get facial piercings [*an aide whispers in my ear*] oh and, uh, on shoes...
a queen
December 6, 2025 at 2:24 PM
a queen
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
he looks like he forgot to fully retract his face
A perfectly NORMAL picture of the world's GREATEST president (who is also the HEALTHIEST man alive) picking up his very REAL peace award.
December 6, 2025 at 5:17 AM
he looks like he forgot to fully retract his face
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
deciding which christmas card recipients get which postage stamps...is uncle david more of a spongebob or a goodnight moon...i may be here all night
December 3, 2025 at 10:25 PM
deciding which christmas card recipients get which postage stamps...is uncle david more of a spongebob or a goodnight moon...i may be here all night
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
pantone just named landlord white the color of the year 2026, WE NEED TO BUILD HOUSES
December 4, 2025 at 2:09 PM
pantone just named landlord white the color of the year 2026, WE NEED TO BUILD HOUSES
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
thinking about how dancing baby was a harbinger
December 2, 2025 at 8:12 AM
thinking about how dancing baby was a harbinger
oldie but goodie
December 2, 2025 at 6:11 AM
oldie but goodie
[explaining to Josie that I watched like seven episodes of Landman]
Me: yeah I got sucked into this fucking Landman show
J: What kinda show is it
Me: is a "there's a guy" kinda show
J: ???
Me: You know, like Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Yellowstone
J: OH MY GOD THOSE ARE "THERE'S A GUY" SHOWS
Me: yeah I got sucked into this fucking Landman show
J: What kinda show is it
Me: is a "there's a guy" kinda show
J: ???
Me: You know, like Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Yellowstone
J: OH MY GOD THOSE ARE "THERE'S A GUY" SHOWS
December 1, 2025 at 8:40 PM
[explaining to Josie that I watched like seven episodes of Landman]
Me: yeah I got sucked into this fucking Landman show
J: What kinda show is it
Me: is a "there's a guy" kinda show
J: ???
Me: You know, like Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Yellowstone
J: OH MY GOD THOSE ARE "THERE'S A GUY" SHOWS
Me: yeah I got sucked into this fucking Landman show
J: What kinda show is it
Me: is a "there's a guy" kinda show
J: ???
Me: You know, like Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Yellowstone
J: OH MY GOD THOSE ARE "THERE'S A GUY" SHOWS
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
i think it's useful to look at areas where the *tech* has gotten much better while tech *interactions* have gotten way worse. streaming has gotten worse, google search has gotten worse, digital cameras are leaps better. apple's silicone is so good it's threatening their user upgrade cycle
it’s so weird to look around and realize like, tech and media are materially worse than a decade ago
November 30, 2025 at 12:14 PM
i think it's useful to look at areas where the *tech* has gotten much better while tech *interactions* have gotten way worse. streaming has gotten worse, google search has gotten worse, digital cameras are leaps better. apple's silicone is so good it's threatening their user upgrade cycle
people: where did you grow up?
me: oh, it’s really rural.
people: oh same my home town only had like 2000 people in it
me: [*still reflexively thinking that’s a city*] oh… yes. small.
people: how big was your home town?
me: ….. 343
me: oh, it’s really rural.
people: oh same my home town only had like 2000 people in it
me: [*still reflexively thinking that’s a city*] oh… yes. small.
people: how big was your home town?
me: ….. 343
November 30, 2025 at 3:17 AM
people: where did you grow up?
me: oh, it’s really rural.
people: oh same my home town only had like 2000 people in it
me: [*still reflexively thinking that’s a city*] oh… yes. small.
people: how big was your home town?
me: ….. 343
me: oh, it’s really rural.
people: oh same my home town only had like 2000 people in it
me: [*still reflexively thinking that’s a city*] oh… yes. small.
people: how big was your home town?
me: ….. 343
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
its so crazy that young people became less interested in movies & tv at the same time weird tech guys mostly started deciding what gets made
November 27, 2025 at 3:42 AM
its so crazy that young people became less interested in movies & tv at the same time weird tech guys mostly started deciding what gets made
Reposted by 🍔 hᗩᗰᗷEᖇger 🍔
to heal this broken nation, we MUST devise a breakfast cereal that HELPS you jerk off
in america during the second great awakening the women joined apacolyptic cults awaiting the destruction of earth and the men started inventing breakfast cereals that would stop them from jerking off so much and you can see how from there we got here
November 27, 2025 at 5:45 AM
to heal this broken nation, we MUST devise a breakfast cereal that HELPS you jerk off
what an absolute dunce. a fool. a baffoon. a total boob.
the best pies, in order are:
- key lime
- lemon custard
- pizza
- peanut butter w/ chocolate
- apple
- french silk
- peanut butter
- blueberry
pecan is a choice only a complete stooge would make
the best pies, in order are:
- key lime
- lemon custard
- pizza
- peanut butter w/ chocolate
- apple
- french silk
- peanut butter
- blueberry
pecan is a choice only a complete stooge would make
Apple pie is bad. This is not really debatable. So is key lime pie, while we’re on the topic. Pecan pie is the 🐐 tho.
November 27, 2025 at 6:32 AM
what an absolute dunce. a fool. a baffoon. a total boob.
the best pies, in order are:
- key lime
- lemon custard
- pizza
- peanut butter w/ chocolate
- apple
- french silk
- peanut butter
- blueberry
pecan is a choice only a complete stooge would make
the best pies, in order are:
- key lime
- lemon custard
- pizza
- peanut butter w/ chocolate
- apple
- french silk
- peanut butter
- blueberry
pecan is a choice only a complete stooge would make