@hendrickse.bsky.social
Reposted
A "reverse mortgage" sounds like a fiscally responsible sex position.
January 18, 2024 at 12:21 PM
A "reverse mortgage" sounds like a fiscally responsible sex position.
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So, they seriously expect me to work a full week now? How is that even still a thing?
January 7, 2024 at 9:10 PM
So, they seriously expect me to work a full week now? How is that even still a thing?
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Not as Good as I Hoped, But Better Than I Feared.
-a memoir
-a memoir
January 3, 2024 at 2:50 AM
Not as Good as I Hoped, But Better Than I Feared.
-a memoir
-a memoir
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Is the free item I was giving away on Facebook marketplace still available?
No.
Am I deleting the post?
Am I answering any more messages about it?
No and no.
Am I snickering every time a new notification comes in from Facebook about the free item?
Yes.
I just want to watch the world burn.
No.
Am I deleting the post?
Am I answering any more messages about it?
No and no.
Am I snickering every time a new notification comes in from Facebook about the free item?
Yes.
I just want to watch the world burn.
January 3, 2024 at 2:16 AM
Is the free item I was giving away on Facebook marketplace still available?
No.
Am I deleting the post?
Am I answering any more messages about it?
No and no.
Am I snickering every time a new notification comes in from Facebook about the free item?
Yes.
I just want to watch the world burn.
No.
Am I deleting the post?
Am I answering any more messages about it?
No and no.
Am I snickering every time a new notification comes in from Facebook about the free item?
Yes.
I just want to watch the world burn.
Reposted
Hello, God? Yes, your son Jesus is refusing to take the wheel.
*covering phone*
Jesus, your dad wants to talk to you.
*covering phone*
Jesus, your dad wants to talk to you.
January 2, 2024 at 12:50 PM
Hello, God? Yes, your son Jesus is refusing to take the wheel.
*covering phone*
Jesus, your dad wants to talk to you.
*covering phone*
Jesus, your dad wants to talk to you.
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"Texas" is the most terrifying word in "Texas Chainsaw Massacre".
January 1, 2024 at 11:17 PM
"Texas" is the most terrifying word in "Texas Chainsaw Massacre".
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“Great balls of fire” sounds like a heinous venereal disease.
December 30, 2023 at 1:23 AM
“Great balls of fire” sounds like a heinous venereal disease.
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How many body of Christ’s do I have to eat before I’ve consumed a whole Jesus?
December 17, 2023 at 11:28 PM
How many body of Christ’s do I have to eat before I’ve consumed a whole Jesus?
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If you’re reading this…your Saturday night sucks as bad as mine.
December 17, 2023 at 3:18 AM
If you’re reading this…your Saturday night sucks as bad as mine.
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This shit is bananas.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
THAT shit is plantains.
P-L-A-I-N-T-A-I-N-S
~ Gwen Stefani, about to get fired from working in the produce section
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
THAT shit is plantains.
P-L-A-I-N-T-A-I-N-S
~ Gwen Stefani, about to get fired from working in the produce section
November 23, 2023 at 4:14 PM
This shit is bananas.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
THAT shit is plantains.
P-L-A-I-N-T-A-I-N-S
~ Gwen Stefani, about to get fired from working in the produce section
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
THAT shit is plantains.
P-L-A-I-N-T-A-I-N-S
~ Gwen Stefani, about to get fired from working in the produce section
Reposted
Me: do we have any tape
Mom: check the phonebook drawer
The Phonebook Drawer:
📐 🪡 🗝️📼🧩🔌
📷 💊🏎️🪥🪪 🔋
🔧 ⏲️🩹 🕶️♟️🧲
🪀💍🖊️ 🍭 🔦💿🎖️🖍️
💾🪃✏️ 🧴🥢 ✉️ 🪙 🥜
🍬 🦵 🪮🪨 🪙🥨
💳 ✒️✂️ 🎗️ ⏰ ✏️ 🐚
🌂 🧵 💄🔩 🔑 🗒️
🪛🎾🎟️ 👓 🎫 🪭
🐞🦴 🥄
Mom: check the phonebook drawer
The Phonebook Drawer:
📐 🪡 🗝️📼🧩🔌
📷 💊🏎️🪥🪪 🔋
🔧 ⏲️🩹 🕶️♟️🧲
🪀💍🖊️ 🍭 🔦💿🎖️🖍️
💾🪃✏️ 🧴🥢 ✉️ 🪙 🥜
🍬 🦵 🪮🪨 🪙🥨
💳 ✒️✂️ 🎗️ ⏰ ✏️ 🐚
🌂 🧵 💄🔩 🔑 🗒️
🪛🎾🎟️ 👓 🎫 🪭
🐞🦴 🥄
November 23, 2023 at 11:02 PM
Me: do we have any tape
Mom: check the phonebook drawer
The Phonebook Drawer:
📐 🪡 🗝️📼🧩🔌
📷 💊🏎️🪥🪪 🔋
🔧 ⏲️🩹 🕶️♟️🧲
🪀💍🖊️ 🍭 🔦💿🎖️🖍️
💾🪃✏️ 🧴🥢 ✉️ 🪙 🥜
🍬 🦵 🪮🪨 🪙🥨
💳 ✒️✂️ 🎗️ ⏰ ✏️ 🐚
🌂 🧵 💄🔩 🔑 🗒️
🪛🎾🎟️ 👓 🎫 🪭
🐞🦴 🥄
Mom: check the phonebook drawer
The Phonebook Drawer:
📐 🪡 🗝️📼🧩🔌
📷 💊🏎️🪥🪪 🔋
🔧 ⏲️🩹 🕶️♟️🧲
🪀💍🖊️ 🍭 🔦💿🎖️🖍️
💾🪃✏️ 🧴🥢 ✉️ 🪙 🥜
🍬 🦵 🪮🪨 🪙🥨
💳 ✒️✂️ 🎗️ ⏰ ✏️ 🐚
🌂 🧵 💄🔩 🔑 🗒️
🪛🎾🎟️ 👓 🎫 🪭
🐞🦴 🥄
Reposted
[Thanksgiving invitation responses]
Mom: I’ll bring my prize-winning green bean casserole.
Sister: I’ll bring my special yam soufflé.
Brother: I’ll bake my famous pumpkin pie.
Me: Who likes Lucky Charms?
Mom: I’ll bring my prize-winning green bean casserole.
Sister: I’ll bring my special yam soufflé.
Brother: I’ll bake my famous pumpkin pie.
Me: Who likes Lucky Charms?
November 22, 2023 at 10:03 PM
[Thanksgiving invitation responses]
Mom: I’ll bring my prize-winning green bean casserole.
Sister: I’ll bring my special yam soufflé.
Brother: I’ll bake my famous pumpkin pie.
Me: Who likes Lucky Charms?
Mom: I’ll bring my prize-winning green bean casserole.
Sister: I’ll bring my special yam soufflé.
Brother: I’ll bake my famous pumpkin pie.
Me: Who likes Lucky Charms?
Reposted
I think my Louis Armstrong is pretty good…
George Washington IIl on TikTok
I think I have a pretty good Louis Armstrong impression… #fyp #parody #comedy
www.tiktok.com
November 22, 2023 at 8:41 PM
I think my Louis Armstrong is pretty good…
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just to clear up any confusion on thanksgiving:
ant-man = superhero
aunt-man = uncle
no further questions
ant-man = superhero
aunt-man = uncle
no further questions
November 21, 2023 at 1:15 AM
just to clear up any confusion on thanksgiving:
ant-man = superhero
aunt-man = uncle
no further questions
ant-man = superhero
aunt-man = uncle
no further questions
Reposted
.
GREETING MY BLUESKY FOLLOWERS 😈
.
GREETING MY BLUESKY FOLLOWERS 😈
.
November 19, 2023 at 7:46 PM
.
GREETING MY BLUESKY FOLLOWERS 😈
.
GREETING MY BLUESKY FOLLOWERS 😈
.
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Sometimes for hours at a time, I forget Elon Musk exists.
It's called complete denial, and you should try it.
It's called complete denial, and you should try it.
November 17, 2023 at 11:05 PM
Sometimes for hours at a time, I forget Elon Musk exists.
It's called complete denial, and you should try it.
It's called complete denial, and you should try it.
Reposted
Don't make me scream at you about how calm I am.
November 17, 2023 at 2:27 AM
Don't make me scream at you about how calm I am.
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waitress: are there any allergies at this table?
me, already drunk: POLLEN
me, already drunk: POLLEN
November 17, 2023 at 1:54 AM
waitress: are there any allergies at this table?
me, already drunk: POLLEN
me, already drunk: POLLEN
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Reposted
Deliberately eating a Dairy Queen Blizzard at the McDonald's drive-thru window to show them their broken ice cream machines can't break my heart anymore. I've moved on.
November 16, 2023 at 1:13 AM
Deliberately eating a Dairy Queen Blizzard at the McDonald's drive-thru window to show them their broken ice cream machines can't break my heart anymore. I've moved on.
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BREAKING: Tim Scott was running for president
November 13, 2023 at 2:40 AM
BREAKING: Tim Scott was running for president
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Tim Scott withdrawing from GOP race. Understandable. He’s got a serious girlfriend and relationships are a big time commitment.
November 13, 2023 at 2:38 AM
Tim Scott withdrawing from GOP race. Understandable. He’s got a serious girlfriend and relationships are a big time commitment.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but booty is in the eye of the butt holder.
November 13, 2023 at 12:59 AM
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but booty is in the eye of the butt holder.
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I don’t wanna brag, but I can make a mountain out of a mole hill in record time.
November 12, 2023 at 12:46 PM
I don’t wanna brag, but I can make a mountain out of a mole hill in record time.
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i’ll back the blue on this and this alone
November 11, 2023 at 11:48 PM
i’ll back the blue on this and this alone