Jackie Bouvier
@jackiebouvier.bsky.social
These are my jokes. Please don't laugh at them.
My children:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:btj7htumgboprmobfodhw7wu/feed/aaaiisbbcciv6
My children:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:btj7htumgboprmobfodhw7wu/feed/aaaiisbbcciv6
Pinned
Jackie Bouvier
@jackiebouvier.bsky.social
· Nov 13
If by "morning person" you mean I wake up at 4 am staring into the inky blackness imagining horrific outcomes, then yes, I'm a morning person.
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Me: My anxiety is out of control.
Dr.: Have you tried cutting back on coffee?
Me: Are you even a real doctor?
Dr.: Have you tried cutting back on coffee?
Me: Are you even a real doctor?
November 26, 2024 at 1:40 PM
Me: My anxiety is out of control.
Dr.: Have you tried cutting back on coffee?
Me: Are you even a real doctor?
Dr.: Have you tried cutting back on coffee?
Me: Are you even a real doctor?
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Knuckle tats:
(H)(E)(L)(P) (M)(E)(U)(P)
(H)(E)(L)(P) (M)(E)(U)(P)
November 25, 2024 at 11:49 PM
Knuckle tats:
(H)(E)(L)(P) (M)(E)(U)(P)
(H)(E)(L)(P) (M)(E)(U)(P)
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Friend: I'm getting married!
Me: Have you considered just letting some guy sleep on your couch instead?
Me: Have you considered just letting some guy sleep on your couch instead?
November 23, 2024 at 9:28 PM
Friend: I'm getting married!
Me: Have you considered just letting some guy sleep on your couch instead?
Me: Have you considered just letting some guy sleep on your couch instead?
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
As long as I remain in complete denial, I'm absolutely fine.
November 23, 2024 at 2:10 PM
As long as I remain in complete denial, I'm absolutely fine.
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Coworker: You look tired.
Me: Apparently, I also look approachable.
Me: Apparently, I also look approachable.
November 20, 2024 at 5:10 PM
Coworker: You look tired.
Me: Apparently, I also look approachable.
Me: Apparently, I also look approachable.
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
I've been up for 20 hours. There's no way I could perform surgery right now. Mainly, because I have no medical training.
November 19, 2024 at 6:13 PM
I've been up for 20 hours. There's no way I could perform surgery right now. Mainly, because I have no medical training.
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
[Rolls down window and flicks ash off joint]
Oh, I'm sorry, officer - was I speeding?
Oh, I'm sorry, officer - was I speeding?
November 18, 2024 at 6:25 PM
[Rolls down window and flicks ash off joint]
Oh, I'm sorry, officer - was I speeding?
Oh, I'm sorry, officer - was I speeding?
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
My charm is that I break people down over time; like waterboarding or marriage.
November 18, 2024 at 1:53 PM
My charm is that I break people down over time; like waterboarding or marriage.
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Therapist: Make yourself comfortable.
Me: If I could do that, I wouldn't be here.
Me: If I could do that, I wouldn't be here.
November 17, 2024 at 11:12 PM
Therapist: Make yourself comfortable.
Me: If I could do that, I wouldn't be here.
Me: If I could do that, I wouldn't be here.
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Me: Could I be Bipolar?
Dr.: No, you're just an asshole.
Dr.: No, you're just an asshole.
November 17, 2024 at 9:18 PM
Me: Could I be Bipolar?
Dr.: No, you're just an asshole.
Dr.: No, you're just an asshole.
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Spread as much fucking kindness as you can.
November 17, 2024 at 1:34 AM
Spread as much fucking kindness as you can.
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
she’s got Betty Crocker eyes
August 1, 2025 at 12:06 PM
she’s got Betty Crocker eyes
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Star Wars is my favorite movie about how everyone can tolerate a little bit of incest as long as you save the galaxy
January 27, 2025 at 9:48 PM
Star Wars is my favorite movie about how everyone can tolerate a little bit of incest as long as you save the galaxy
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
smoke it in the morning, smoke it in the evening, smoke it at suppertime. when weed is on the table, you can smoke weed at anytime
November 25, 2025 at 1:42 PM
smoke it in the morning, smoke it in the evening, smoke it at suppertime. when weed is on the table, you can smoke weed at anytime
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
I seem to have misplaced the last 10 years of my life
March 10, 2025 at 3:47 PM
I seem to have misplaced the last 10 years of my life
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Me: *panicking*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
November 25, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Me: *panicking*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
November 25, 2025 at 1:43 PM
I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Do you even look for things to feel bad about bro
November 24, 2025 at 4:15 AM
Do you even look for things to feel bad about bro
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll vomit, you’ll wish you were dead ʷʰᵉⁿ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵉᵉ ᵐʸ ⁿᵘᵈᵉˢ
November 25, 2025 at 3:58 PM
you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll vomit, you’ll wish you were dead ʷʰᵉⁿ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵉᵉ ᵐʸ ⁿᵘᵈᵉˢ
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
a food critic who doesn’t waffle but he does pan cakes 👻
November 25, 2025 at 2:14 PM
a food critic who doesn’t waffle but he does pan cakes 👻
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
the hills are alive with the sound of fuck this shit
April 16, 2025 at 10:59 AM
the hills are alive with the sound of fuck this shit
And now, it's time for everyone's favorite game, is it chocolate or is it poop?
November 25, 2025 at 4:02 PM
And now, it's time for everyone's favorite game, is it chocolate or is it poop?
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Karoline Leavitt making her outsides match her insides
November 24, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Karoline Leavitt making her outsides match her insides
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
When calligraphers get mad they send strongly lettered words
November 24, 2025 at 5:31 AM
When calligraphers get mad they send strongly lettered words
Reposted by Jackie Bouvier
Finishing a book is like saying goodbye to an old friend. Finishing a show you binge-watched is like staggering out of a motel where you’ve been holed up for 24 hours with someone you met while trying to score crack.
July 15, 2023 at 11:45 PM
Finishing a book is like saying goodbye to an old friend. Finishing a show you binge-watched is like staggering out of a motel where you’ve been holed up for 24 hours with someone you met while trying to score crack.