Orc Frasier be like "I listening"

Judge: you’re here because you booped the cop on the nose

Me: your honor, may I approach the bench?

Judge covering his nose: absolutely not

interviewer: can you explain this gap on your resume?

me: nope

there aren’t a lot of purely good things on the internet but “you have to share Tom Holland doing Umbrella” is one of them

I don’t say this lightly but Mr. Beast might be Satan

hibachi magic wand restaurant

Ultimately, we're all looking for the same thing: a horse who solves crimes

just found a bullet casing with the entire bee movie script on it

I get that the news cycle is packed right now, but I just heard from a colleague at the Smithsonian that this is fully a GIANT SQUID BEING EATEN BY A SPERM WHALE and it’s possibly the first ever confirmed video according to a friend at NOAA

10 YEAR OLD ME IS LOSING HER MIND (a thread 🧵)

Are other people also named Macaulay

List 3 things you can talk about for 3 hours with no prep

1. The amazing storytelling of One Piece
2. The incredible worldbuilding of One Piece
3. How to write good fiction (via analyses of the best and worst parts of One Piece)

Help Rania if you can ❤️

Randhawa said: “I’m on top of the world right now. I feel great. Like I could run a marathon, or defeat God in single combat – hang on a minute! I forgot to add those things to my to-do list. I’ll put them both under ‘Priority’.”

benisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenisbenis

Fun time to re-up this @hbomberguy.bsky.social video

sounds about white

So Mohammed asked me if he should share a photo of his son when he was diagnosed with malnutrition on his page- he was worried because it looked so bad people might think he is fake.

Luckily his son has been able to eat more because of donations/ goods getting in- but he needs help ❤️

“Do you want me to give you lots of attention or leave you alone?”

Me: Yes.

who?

boomers

grammar was more important in the days of you’re

Here’s a photo of my cat trying to catch a bubble. You’re welcome.

BLITZER: Now we’re getting reports that one of the bullet casings was engraved with a message saying that if you are reading the casing, you are gay. We must warn our viewers we’re about to show the photo and don’t know at this time whether the engraving is what makes you gay or if it just tells you