Nicole Wilkins
@nvw.bsky.social
All I know is all my haters become my waiters when I sit down at the table of success,
I’m at least 15 minutes early getting ready for my wedding. I walked downstairs to talk to Igor and he quoted this headline.
theonion.com/dad-suggests...
theonion.com/dad-suggests...
Dad Suggests Arriving At Airport 14 Hours Early
CARLISLE, MA—Planning for his family’s Saturday evening flight to Florida, local dad Walter Holbrook suggested arriving at the airport at least 14 hours early, sources confirmed. "The plane leaves at ...
theonion.com
January 9, 2026 at 4:55 PM
I’m at least 15 minutes early getting ready for my wedding. I walked downstairs to talk to Igor and he quoted this headline.
theonion.com/dad-suggests...
theonion.com/dad-suggests...
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
Guy who becomes an upzoning urbanist just so ICE doesn’t have any local parking lots to stage their raids in.
January 8, 2026 at 5:20 AM
Guy who becomes an upzoning urbanist just so ICE doesn’t have any local parking lots to stage their raids in.
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
i know we're all busy but i just overheard a plumber say "parlez-vous français ? non ? you motherfuckers don't even speak french, do you" to a pair of french bulldogs
January 8, 2026 at 2:18 PM
i know we're all busy but i just overheard a plumber say "parlez-vous français ? non ? you motherfuckers don't even speak french, do you" to a pair of french bulldogs
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
Make-a-wish world domination ass dying president
January 7, 2026 at 3:48 PM
Make-a-wish world domination ass dying president
I’m wheezing.
Congratulations to Kristen Stewart, who may have managed to already wear the worst outfit we're going to see all year. You are not prepared for the scrolldown:
tomandlorenzo.com/2026/01/kris...
tomandlorenzo.com/2026/01/kris...
Kristen Stewart Promotes THE CHRONOLOGY OF WATER on LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS - Tom + Lorenzo
We can say with utter certainty that, despite her many years of wearing fucked-up fashion and our many years of lovingly (or not) documenting her choices,
tomandlorenzo.com
January 7, 2026 at 5:53 AM
I’m wheezing.
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
This is super solider serum for septuagenarians
they're gonna need to dunk me in this scitechdaily.com/anti-aging-i...
Anti-Aging Injection Regrows Knee Cartilage and Prevents Arthritis
A treatment that blocks an age-related protein restored cartilage in aging and injured joints by reprogramming existing cells rather than using stem cells. Researchers at Stanford Medicine report that...
scitechdaily.com
January 6, 2026 at 7:28 PM
This is super solider serum for septuagenarians
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
Just leaving your mom’s house.
January 4, 2026 at 8:18 PM
Just leaving your mom’s house.
Murc’s law is ironclad.
the reason people sometimes act madder at democrats than republicans when republicans do impossibly evil shit is the same reason why, if you hired an exterminator to handle a roach infestation and he showed up to feed and play with them instead, your first instinct wouldn’t be to yell at the roaches
January 4, 2026 at 8:42 PM
Murc’s law is ironclad.
Just a bunch of idiots telling each other 'exactlyyyy.'
They’ve got Twitter up on the big screens in Trump’s Mar-a-Lago makeshift “situation room.”
Photos from Trump’s Truth Social account.
Photos from Trump’s Truth Social account.
January 3, 2026 at 8:47 PM
Just a bunch of idiots telling each other 'exactlyyyy.'
The amount of flat surface in a house one needs to dust is outrageous. We should do something about it.
January 3, 2026 at 8:06 PM
The amount of flat surface in a house one needs to dust is outrageous. We should do something about it.
Trump is not running *our* country. How’s he going to run a second one?
Update: President Trump said the U.S. will run Venezuela until a "proper transition can take place," as he defended Saturday's military strikes that resulted in the capture of President Nicolás Maduro and his wife.
Trump says 'we are going to run the country now' after removing Venezuela's president
President Trump says the United States conducted a strike in Venezuela and captured that country's president, Nicolás Maduro along with his wife, Cilia Flores.
n.pr
January 3, 2026 at 5:16 PM
Trump is not running *our* country. How’s he going to run a second one?
My whole life conservative white Americans have complained about how much the rest of the world hates us. It was never true but Trump is really doing to his damnedest to their paranoid fantasies real.
January 3, 2026 at 5:09 PM
My whole life conservative white Americans have complained about how much the rest of the world hates us. It was never true but Trump is really doing to his damnedest to their paranoid fantasies real.
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
“oh, i wish there were some kind of punctuation to chain these two sentences together”
the humble semicolon:
the humble semicolon:
January 2, 2026 at 1:42 PM
“oh, i wish there were some kind of punctuation to chain these two sentences together”
the humble semicolon:
the humble semicolon:
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
guys, "the judges at the ICC are being sanctioned by the USA and can't access their iphones or bank accounts" and "why aren't any countries banning twitter or prosecuting elon musk for owning a site that manufactures CSAM" stories are the same story
January 2, 2026 at 6:58 PM
guys, "the judges at the ICC are being sanctioned by the USA and can't access their iphones or bank accounts" and "why aren't any countries banning twitter or prosecuting elon musk for owning a site that manufactures CSAM" stories are the same story
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
Fish At Pretty Good Place In Its Life Right Now https://theonion.com/fish-at-pretty-good-place-in-its-life-right-now-1819573188/
January 2, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Fish At Pretty Good Place In Its Life Right Now https://theonion.com/fish-at-pretty-good-place-in-its-life-right-now-1819573188/
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
A few months ago I got the story of a duck who aspires to curling greatness stuck in my brain and simply couldn't get it out until I did this
January 1, 2026 at 5:12 PM
A few months ago I got the story of a duck who aspires to curling greatness stuck in my brain and simply couldn't get it out until I did this
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
lol I forgot the original post covered this
January 1, 2026 at 12:11 PM
lol I forgot the original post covered this
Happy 2026! May your haters become your waiters at the table of success.
January 1, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Happy 2026! May your haters become your waiters at the table of success.
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
January 1, 2026 at 2:05 PM
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
Outlook for the new year ...
December 31, 2025 at 11:20 PM
Outlook for the new year ...
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
wizard cat has a very important message
December 31, 2025 at 1:17 PM
wizard cat has a very important message
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
One of the best to ever do it
December 30, 2025 at 2:09 PM
One of the best to ever do it
Reposted by Nicole Wilkins
I've waited 3 years to make this post
December 30, 2025 at 3:14 PM
I've waited 3 years to make this post
I regret to inform you that Buffalo Bill was right about lotion. It does make your skin nicer.
December 30, 2025 at 5:43 AM
I regret to inform you that Buffalo Bill was right about lotion. It does make your skin nicer.