Pants Optional
@pantsoptional.bsky.social
Irregular word-blatherer at goonhammer dot com, “responsible” for the Battle Bros column
Work has now given me so many keys that my power level is becoming unmanageable
December 4, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Work has now given me so many keys that my power level is becoming unmanageable
Charlie Brown, when someone asks if you’re a god, you say, yes.
November 24, 2025 at 1:21 PM
Charlie Brown, when someone asks if you’re a god, you say, yes.
Reposted by Pants Optional
No, a Karen didn't call police on her new Black neighbor who turned out to be the #Boston police chief; to start, we don't have a police chief
www.universalhub.com/2025/no-kare...
#AI #Feh
www.universalhub.com/2025/no-kare...
#AI #Feh
November 23, 2025 at 2:03 AM
No, a Karen didn't call police on her new Black neighbor who turned out to be the #Boston police chief; to start, we don't have a police chief
www.universalhub.com/2025/no-kare...
#AI #Feh
www.universalhub.com/2025/no-kare...
#AI #Feh
Reposted by Pants Optional
honestly prior to today i would've picked Nixon / Reagan as the Presidential pair most likely to have blown each other
November 14, 2025 at 8:50 PM
honestly prior to today i would've picked Nixon / Reagan as the Presidential pair most likely to have blown each other
Reposted by Pants Optional
Here's a photo of my friend and colleague, Jorge Bautista, getting shot in the face with a flashbang grenade. The ICE Agent is so afraid of Jorge (who was posing no threat) that he has wet himself. Please share this photo. Everyone needs to know what cowards ICE agents are.
October 23, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Here's a photo of my friend and colleague, Jorge Bautista, getting shot in the face with a flashbang grenade. The ICE Agent is so afraid of Jorge (who was posing no threat) that he has wet himself. Please share this photo. Everyone needs to know what cowards ICE agents are.
Reposted by Pants Optional
I know a lot of people won’t click through to read about “med beds” so here’s the crucial quote to explain how fucking crazy this is.
Trump just posted an AI video of himself promising every American access to this.
Trump just posted an AI video of himself promising every American access to this.
September 28, 2025 at 3:46 AM
I know a lot of people won’t click through to read about “med beds” so here’s the crucial quote to explain how fucking crazy this is.
Trump just posted an AI video of himself promising every American access to this.
Trump just posted an AI video of himself promising every American access to this.
huh i wonder why josh kraft dropped out of the race just now
September 12, 2025 at 1:13 AM
huh i wonder why josh kraft dropped out of the race just now
Reposted by Pants Optional
@justkauz.bsky.social made this and I have to share
September 2, 2025 at 7:07 PM
@justkauz.bsky.social made this and I have to share
Reposted by Pants Optional
A friend took this at a rally today and I barked laughing.
September 2, 2025 at 1:36 AM
A friend took this at a rally today and I barked laughing.
If you see this post a tank.
August 28, 2025 at 9:31 PM
If you see this post a tank.
God please return what we lost
Dunkin Donuts Dunkaccino (2000-2023): A hot beverage marketed as a "unique blend of coffee and hot chocolate flavors," it developed a strong cult following, along with a frozen variant introduced in 2015.
August 17, 2025 at 1:30 AM
God please return what we lost
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Sounds to me like Costco has confirmed it's not selling a pill it never sold, the religious right have falsely claimed it's their win, and the left has believed them and piled in on Costco which is in fact one of the left's biggest corporate allies. These things are deliberate. Divide and conquer.
Very bad news from Costco. One of the groups orchestrating this pressure campaign is Alliance Defending Freedom, a Christian Nationalist law firm that is hellbent on reshaping US society.
The ADF coalition "now turns its focus to CVS and Walgreens."
The ADF coalition "now turns its focus to CVS and Walgreens."
Costco Won’t Sell Abortion Pill as Religious Investors Declare Win
A coalition of faith-based activists had pressured the retailer to not offer the abortion pill mifepristone in its pharmacy locations. The group now turns its focus to CVS and Walgreens.
www.bloomberg.com
August 14, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Sounds to me like Costco has confirmed it's not selling a pill it never sold, the religious right have falsely claimed it's their win, and the left has believed them and piled in on Costco which is in fact one of the left's biggest corporate allies. These things are deliberate. Divide and conquer.
Reposted by Pants Optional
I wish I never learned to read
August 12, 2025 at 6:33 PM
I wish I never learned to read
We mourn what has been lost to us
Beefsteak Charlie's (1976-2009): An East Coast chain of restaurants, based on a popular NYC spot from the early 20th century. It was known for it's old-timey aesthetic, sprawling salad bar, steak specials, and all-you-can-drink beer and sangria
August 8, 2025 at 9:28 PM
We mourn what has been lost to us
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@goonhammer.com makes fine merchandise that you can wear in public
August 7, 2025 at 10:53 AM
@goonhammer.com makes fine merchandise that you can wear in public
Reposted by Pants Optional
Replace all Columbus statues with *ACTUAL* Italian-American icon Danny DeVito.
There have got to be a number of great options for Italian Americans to celebrate. And who wouldn't love a holiday revolving around Italian food? Just swap the slave trader for almost anyone else and it would be a success.
August 6, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Replace all Columbus statues with *ACTUAL* Italian-American icon Danny DeVito.
If you see this, quote with a robot that isn’t from Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who, or Transformers.
August 1, 2025 at 10:12 PM
If you see this, quote with a robot that isn’t from Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who, or Transformers.
Cat moments:
“Awww, how - DICKHEAD! Why you BITE?!”
Cue a gray fuzzy SHIT knocking over everything on a nightstand.
“Awww, how - DICKHEAD! Why you BITE?!”
Cue a gray fuzzy SHIT knocking over everything on a nightstand.
July 28, 2025 at 3:19 AM
Cat moments:
“Awww, how - DICKHEAD! Why you BITE?!”
Cue a gray fuzzy SHIT knocking over everything on a nightstand.
“Awww, how - DICKHEAD! Why you BITE?!”
Cue a gray fuzzy SHIT knocking over everything on a nightstand.
We’re having a discussion in the GH server about the foul handles some of us have been given there and my brain cannot stop singing our accountant’s handle to the tune of the chorus of Red Flags: Cumslut Dracula, Cumslut Draculaaaa (I think that I’m gonna get murdered tonight)
July 25, 2025 at 4:48 PM
We’re having a discussion in the GH server about the foul handles some of us have been given there and my brain cannot stop singing our accountant’s handle to the tune of the chorus of Red Flags: Cumslut Dracula, Cumslut Draculaaaa (I think that I’m gonna get murdered tonight)
The nice thing about Hogan dying that he’s dead, but also that in lieu of any obituary you can probably just grab a random existing Iron Sheik tweet and it would probably apply
July 24, 2025 at 4:38 PM
The nice thing about Hogan dying that he’s dead, but also that in lieu of any obituary you can probably just grab a random existing Iron Sheik tweet and it would probably apply
Reposted by Pants Optional
Look, you can say a lot about Hogan's legacy: he was racist, he was terrible to his colleagues, he put himself above other people, he firmly believed in the supremacy of white people, he was a bad wrestler, his life was a net negative for society.
That's it. That's the post.
That's it. That's the post.
July 24, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Look, you can say a lot about Hogan's legacy: he was racist, he was terrible to his colleagues, he put himself above other people, he firmly believed in the supremacy of white people, he was a bad wrestler, his life was a net negative for society.
That's it. That's the post.
That's it. That's the post.
Reposted by Pants Optional
I don't get why it's such a big deal that trans people want to play in cis people sports. We let cis people participate in speedrunning tournaments.
July 21, 2025 at 3:16 AM
I don't get why it's such a big deal that trans people want to play in cis people sports. We let cis people participate in speedrunning tournaments.
Walking into a Warhammer event and having a group of trans women compliment me on my Train Good Car Bad shirt from @wtyppod.bsky.social felt like I ascended in the middle of a vast Venn diagram. I rode high on that shit for six hours easy
July 19, 2025 at 11:35 PM
Walking into a Warhammer event and having a group of trans women compliment me on my Train Good Car Bad shirt from @wtyppod.bsky.social felt like I ascended in the middle of a vast Venn diagram. I rode high on that shit for six hours easy