you are at home. you have food poisoning and are locked in the bathroom. you are alternating between pooping and hurling. lead singer of the verve pipe is knocking on door, he wont stop. he is saying we are all set up in the living room, waiting on you to come out and listen to us do "the freshman"

mark, we are trying to help you. if you guys don't get with the program and stop standing in the way of the idea that government should do things for regular people, your risk is not going to be higher taxes on your income, it's going to be seizure of your assets

STEPHANOPOULOS: I didn't insinuate anything. I asked you whether Tom Homan accepted $50k as was heard on an audio tape recorded by the FBI in September 2024. You did not answer the question. Thank you for your time.

VANCE: No, George, I sai--

STEPHANOPOULOS: We'll be right back

a buddy of mine in high school was on a rap battle forum and I remember him explaining you couldn't ever post on friday or saturday nights because people would bring up you bein home on the weekend against you in their verse

Trump: don’t take acepitoemponoene

RFK Jr: *moth crawls out of mouth*

A nude man is in the background, only referred to as “the colonel”

Person watching on tv: well if they say so

“SETEC ASTRONOMY... TOO MANY SECRETS” #RIP

(living in a country where the most successful people are obscenely rich and shameless perverts and psychopaths) Time to teach my children to be honest and study hard in school

Stephen Miller dancing like Kevin McCalister in Home Alone with ropes tied to Donald's arms standing in front of the White House windows

You see, it's not the absence of the lowest common denominator that oppresses them, it's the existence of anything else

Guys it’s not nice to delight in the possible death of a guy who buried the mother of his kids on his golf course to get a tax break

(mf doom voice) he threw a sandwich cheese and salami, feds couldn't indict folded like origami, afraid of subway both the chain and the train, mayo salt and pepper shake your thang, grand jury shut em down twice, coca cola on the side no ice

It's simple, we turn off the Internet.

it's wild how donald trump is hands down the worst american leader in modern history. like light years more bad than the next closest worst leader, covid donald trump

SWIMSUIT/0462PICP.GIF

i saw yoda fall off a bar stool and when he hit the floor a box of good & plenty candy under his robes went scattering everywhere. he was crawling around trying to pick it all up and the bouncer was yelling at him thinking it was drugs but stopped once he realized. everyone just kinda watched

dude no you just took the edible that makes you wipe before you shit

we never should’ve given power to the nerds. the jocks shouldn’t have it either. we must usher in the age of the goths

2024 is the year my haters become my waiters at the table of success.