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Surprised Face Guy

@surprisedface.bsky.social

8.2K followers 530 following 16K posts

You could be one of my first 10,000 followers. Time is not running out. Ranked one of the Top 10 Surprised Face Guys on Bluesky, 2023. Sorry in advance: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaly5qgvbn52

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Jul 16

Him: “What fresh hell awaits us today.”

Her: “… okay look, no offense, but after this appointment I’m going to find a new gynecologist.”

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 49m

Alexander the Great had a lesser known cousin Jeff the Pretty Good

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Doctor The Frog @skipbidder.bsky.social · 47m

I'll just floss in the sexiest way possible tomorrow.

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1h

I’m not mad. I’m romantic, actually.

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

GᵣₐbₜₕₑWₑₙₑₛₛ @ayankdownunder.bsky.social · 4h

Your mom makes the most delicious urinal cake.

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 4h

Someone should hard boil my brain

Peetomb🐺🍷 @geraldelephants.bsky.social · 4h

the brain is kept in a hard shell for a reason

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 4h

[high school me] Me too, olive oil. Me too.

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 4h

Doubt it. More likely they’ve finally prepared the fake files and they’re ready to roll with them

Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Reverie 💀🕯️ @augustreverie.bsky.social · 6d

Boy, if we were seahorses, I would get you *so pregnant*

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 11h

[whispering lovingly to my blueberry banana smoothie] "thank you for becoming my pee."

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

[at the car dealership]

witch: “I’m looking for an upgrade.”

sales: “perfect, we have a great selection of witches vrooms”

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

debbspook @debbshock.blue · 14h

definitely not doing crimes right now

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 21h

Sex so kinky the memory foam mattress drinks to forget

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d.ly @dly.bsky.social · 1d

[when someone tries to move their cat off camera during a call]

LEAVE IT 🔫

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 22h

Did you hear about the haunted house at the CIA? They say it was spooky.

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 22h

Flossing in the sexiest way possible.

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 22h

Pointing a lollypop at you in the most menacing way possible.

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

[at the car dealership]

witch: “I’m looking for an upgrade.”

sales: “perfect, we have a great selection of witches vrooms”

1 3

Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

(spoo)key 👻 @kmillz.lol · 1d

a dick tattoo that reads “biisrth” when it’s soft but “biiiiiiiig stretch” when it’s hard

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Corduroy Cheddar @corduroycheddar.bsky.social · 1d

When you transplant pubes to a different part of your body, you can grow new genitals there

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

My retirement is all locked up in a trust, in the sense that I trust one of my kids will be a doctor or something.

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

Doctor: "Are you doing any aerobic exercise?"

Me: "Yes, I scroll."

Doctor:

Me: "I scroll the news."

Doctor: "Oh! Okay. Yes, keep it up."

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

My cardio is crippling anxiety.

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

My cardio is crippling anxiety.

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Mind Goblin @slartibartfast34.bsky.social · 1d

chlamydia chowder

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 2d

[first date]

Her: "Do you do any community service?"

Me: "Not exactly. But I do give all of my pubic hair to charity!"

Her:

Me: "I'm a perm donor."

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 2d

it's called a fleshlight because jack-o-lantern was taken

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