Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 18h

Toddlers have a “being mean to everyone” phase, which helps them learn the important skill of being mean to everyone

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Reposted by donni saphire

Xzigalia @xzigalia.bsky.social · 8d

Standing in front of the microwave holding my spoon expectantly. Soon I shall devour the microwave.

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 1d

Hey man, your portents are growing a bit ominous. Probably nothing to worry about

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Reposted by donni saphire

arr @arr.bsky.social · 16d

One of the smartest things Costco does is assigning every shopper a “Costco Enemy,”who stays in front of them putting carts in stupid places and blocking the aisle and going really slowly. This gives the shopper 30% more browsing time and creates a memorable, provocative experience

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 2d

It’s actually pretty bad for your mental health to know stuff

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Reposted by donni saphire

mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 2d

Convince your neighbors you own a pet owl by yelling "has anyone seen my pet owl" through their letterbox at 4am

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 3d

You don’t have to worry about stuff. Just be zen and let the beautiful waves smash you into the rocks

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Reposted by donni saphire

merritt @merrittk.com · 3d

its like the old saying goes, if you dont get everything done in one day you should give up. its obviously not going to happen

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 4d

I don’t ask for much, just a refreshing variety of sips, snacks and treats every 5 minutes of every day

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 4d

Maybe you’ll be spared from the wave of terrible consequences engulfing everyone

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Reposted by donni saphire

lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social · 4d

Moon last night gave me powers. Remains to be seen if they’re good or bad. I’m thinking probably mixed bag, like everything

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 4d

I taught the crabs how to do it

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 4d

I just invented walking sideways. No one is happy about it

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Reposted by donni saphire

Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 7d

Bank of America is pulling out as a Platinum Sponsor and demanding I return their six figure charitable contribution to my 501(c)(3) organization Snakes for Unfuckable Men after an independent investigation found many of our snake recipients were giving each other hand and mouth stuff on the reg.

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 5d

I bet our brains will come out of this ordeal very cool and normal

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Reposted by donni saphire

good hyuck, babe! @markpopham.bsky.social · 5d

hey man, that was a funny joke... with a BIT of a dark edge to it! sure would be a shame if I were to humorlessly elucidate the gristly consequences of such a scenario, were it not in jest

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 5d

Oh well, maybe their horrific schemes won’t work

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Reposted by donni saphire

"max" @ringworm.bsky.social · 6d

me slowly boiling to death: this pond is mad warm.. (texting my frog buddies) you gotta check out this sick pond

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 6d

I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, standing behind two robots and next to a large kangaroo. Pretty crowded in here

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Reposted by donni saphire

Crockett Houghton @crocketthoughton.bsky.social · 6d

You die on hills, you break your crown on hills- hills are not safe places to visit. Stay home, eat pizza.

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 7d

"Employees Must Worship Hans." -Bathroom sign at Hans's Cult Restaurant

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Reposted by donni saphire

Hi, it's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 10d

I need a Shazam-type app to identify what movie my neighbor is watching

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 7d

What a great time to be alive for fans of existential fear and continuous rage

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 7d

TODDLER AT 6 AM: Daddy wake up!
ME: WTF no why
ME AT 4 PM: Sweetie, naptime’s over, wake up
TODDLER: WTF no why

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Reposted by donni saphire

Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 7d

Ordered too much Chinese food for one person so had to do the whole charade of pretending there were other people in the house too, but oversold it and accidentally crafted a one act play about strained friendships and growing apart that is being heavily tipped for awards.

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