Matt
@coolnessinc.bsky.social
He/Him. I live in Indiana, but not like that. I like books and coffee. I’m a cat person, but I’ll still pet your dog.
Don’t look: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:modcracogimat5hfyc325zsg/feed/aaanunf43yybk
Don’t look: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:modcracogimat5hfyc325zsg/feed/aaanunf43yybk
Pinned
Ran into someone from work and confidently called them by the wrong name.
If you need me, I’ll be living in the ocean.
If you need me, I’ll be living in the ocean.
Reposted by Matt
No one says "I'm just being honest" when they're saying something nice.
November 25, 2025 at 4:45 PM
No one says "I'm just being honest" when they're saying something nice.
Reposted by Matt
I need a job that I can do in a hot tub.
November 25, 2025 at 1:44 PM
I need a job that I can do in a hot tub.
Reposted by Matt
I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
November 25, 2025 at 1:43 PM
I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
Reposted by Matt
Would a repost fucking kill you, Charlie Brown?
November 25, 2025 at 1:53 PM
Would a repost fucking kill you, Charlie Brown?
Reposted by Matt
Gonna delete some "bangers" and leave the "flops" bc you all need to acquire a more rare and sophisticated palette 🫖🥄✨
November 25, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Gonna delete some "bangers" and leave the "flops" bc you all need to acquire a more rare and sophisticated palette 🫖🥄✨
Reposted by Matt
I need multiple chances to make a good first impression
November 25, 2025 at 10:34 AM
I need multiple chances to make a good first impression
Reposted by Matt
At least when I can't sleep I only have my anger to comfort me.
November 25, 2025 at 6:03 AM
At least when I can't sleep I only have my anger to comfort me.
It’s probably just inflammation, Charlie Brown.
November 25, 2025 at 3:21 AM
It’s probably just inflammation, Charlie Brown.
Reposted by Matt
The charge is solicitation, Charlie Brown
That’s my bum, Charlie Brown
A little over and to the left, Charlie Brown
November 25, 2025 at 2:14 AM
The charge is solicitation, Charlie Brown
Reposted by Matt
I need Rudolph's red nose to find my way to your hol---heart.
November 24, 2025 at 9:37 PM
I need Rudolph's red nose to find my way to your hol---heart.
Reposted by Matt
You're the dogshit after buying a fresh pair of shoes
You’re the puddle just after a fresh pair of socks
You’re the toothpaste just after the orange juice.
November 24, 2025 at 9:45 PM
You're the dogshit after buying a fresh pair of shoes
Reposted by Matt
You’re the last piece of toilet paper after explosive diarrhea
You’re the puddle just after a fresh pair of socks
You’re the toothpaste just after the orange juice.
November 24, 2025 at 8:44 PM
You’re the last piece of toilet paper after explosive diarrhea
Reposted by Matt
You’re the puddle just after a fresh pair of socks
You’re the toothpaste just after the orange juice.
You are the milk skin on a reheated cup of coffee
November 24, 2025 at 8:06 PM
You’re the puddle just after a fresh pair of socks
Reposted by Matt
Welcome to your 40s. Hope you like discovering new moles to stress over.
November 24, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Welcome to your 40s. Hope you like discovering new moles to stress over.
Reposted by Matt
Announcer: "California has just evaporated in a nu-cu-lar explosion. Millions are dead."
Me: "It's pronounced nu-CLEAR."
Me: "It's pronounced nu-CLEAR."
November 24, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Announcer: "California has just evaporated in a nu-cu-lar explosion. Millions are dead."
Me: "It's pronounced nu-CLEAR."
Me: "It's pronounced nu-CLEAR."
Reposted by Matt
My favorite childhood memory is having a strong bladder.
November 24, 2025 at 6:16 PM
My favorite childhood memory is having a strong bladder.
Reposted by Matt
Today is sort of wednesday today is sort of wednesday
November 24, 2025 at 1:56 PM
Today is sort of wednesday today is sort of wednesday
Reposted by Matt
Tech bros really can't understand why we're hostile to technology that a) is frequently confidently wrong and b) threatens to ruin our already terrible lives
November 24, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Tech bros really can't understand why we're hostile to technology that a) is frequently confidently wrong and b) threatens to ruin our already terrible lives
Reposted by Matt
They're all going to laugh at you, Charlie Brown
November 24, 2025 at 3:16 PM
They're all going to laugh at you, Charlie Brown
Reposted by Matt
Wait.
… you’re telling me these balls were tripped?
… you’re telling me these balls were tripped?
November 24, 2025 at 12:25 PM
Wait.
… you’re telling me these balls were tripped?
… you’re telling me these balls were tripped?
Reposted by Matt
the girl with the moderate to severe psoriatic arthritis
November 24, 2025 at 1:34 AM
the girl with the moderate to severe psoriatic arthritis
Reposted by Matt
I say “I’m fine” a lot for someone who is grinding their teeth into chalk dust.
November 24, 2025 at 12:33 AM
I say “I’m fine” a lot for someone who is grinding their teeth into chalk dust.
Ran into someone from work and confidently called them by the wrong name.
If you need me, I’ll be living in the ocean.
If you need me, I’ll be living in the ocean.
November 24, 2025 at 12:37 AM
Ran into someone from work and confidently called them by the wrong name.
If you need me, I’ll be living in the ocean.
If you need me, I’ll be living in the ocean.
Reposted by Matt
I wouldn't tell anyone I was mathcore but there would be sines
November 23, 2025 at 6:43 PM
I wouldn't tell anyone I was mathcore but there would be sines
Reposted by Matt
Coffee isn't enough I stare directly at the sun for 30 seconds
November 23, 2025 at 2:04 PM
Coffee isn't enough I stare directly at the sun for 30 seconds