Ian Miles Schlong
@tedcruznipples.com
Area man, unfortunately
Bluesky’s #1 Ken Bone hater
in Los Angeles
he/him
Bluesky’s #1 Ken Bone hater
in Los Angeles
he/him
Pinned
Ian Miles Schlong
@tedcruznipples.com
· Jan 24
Everything is the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen
Sounds like he deserved a kick in the knuts
January 16, 2026 at 7:01 PM
Sounds like he deserved a kick in the knuts
RIP David but he was totally wrong about the future unfortunately
David Lynch passed a year ago today. I hope we all can absorb just a little bit of the energy he put out in his lifetime.
January 16, 2026 at 7:00 PM
RIP David but he was totally wrong about the future unfortunately
Trump is gonna make a statement about how Lara Croft’s tits aren’t big enough isn’t he
January 16, 2026 at 6:56 PM
Trump is gonna make a statement about how Lara Croft’s tits aren’t big enough isn’t he
You should track this guy down and neutralize the threat
January 16, 2026 at 6:52 PM
You should track this guy down and neutralize the threat
We’re leaving the territory of “mean, hateful, petty narcissist” and entering into “deeply, alarmingly psychologically disturbed individual”
Reporter: Why would you want someone else’s Nobel Prize?
Trump: She offered it to me.
Trump: She offered it to me.
January 16, 2026 at 6:46 PM
We’re leaving the territory of “mean, hateful, petty narcissist” and entering into “deeply, alarmingly psychologically disturbed individual”
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
Baloney out for Tony
January 16, 2026 at 5:43 PM
Baloney out for Tony
We made it to Fat Cock Friday with Tony Daffodil. Congrats everyone
January 16, 2026 at 5:42 PM
We made it to Fat Cock Friday with Tony Daffodil. Congrats everyone
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
24 hour televised award ceremony
January 16, 2026 at 7:11 AM
24 hour televised award ceremony
The more time Donald Trump spends stealing trophies and awards from people, the less time he can spend raping children and waging war on sovereign nations. We should applaud and encourage this behavior.
January 16, 2026 at 7:06 AM
The more time Donald Trump spends stealing trophies and awards from people, the less time he can spend raping children and waging war on sovereign nations. We should applaud and encourage this behavior.
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
NO MOM IT'S FOR TWITTER!!!
January 16, 2026 at 1:35 AM
NO MOM IT'S FOR TWITTER!!!
This is kind of like when I made fun of Pete Hegseth for crying in public and someone yelled at me because people shouldn’t feel ashamed of crying in public
January 16, 2026 at 12:54 AM
This is kind of like when I made fun of Pete Hegseth for crying in public and someone yelled at me because people shouldn’t feel ashamed of crying in public
“Are these American people in the room with us now” and no, they’re literally some people he made up
Schumer as a major American metro is being brutally occupied by Trump goons: "The affordability crisis will be our focus throughout 2026 because that's what the American people are demanding"
January 16, 2026 at 12:22 AM
“Are these American people in the room with us now” and no, they’re literally some people he made up
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
Looks like the music video for Black Hole Sun
January 15, 2026 at 10:17 PM
Looks like the music video for Black Hole Sun
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
Pretty striking how much braver ordinary people are than any of our elected leaders, isn’t it.
January 15, 2026 at 9:54 PM
Pretty striking how much braver ordinary people are than any of our elected leaders, isn’t it.
Tfw you give up your Nobel peace prize to an evil demented pedophile who smells horrible, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear
January 15, 2026 at 10:10 PM
Tfw you give up your Nobel peace prize to an evil demented pedophile who smells horrible, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear
Wonder how much you get for the fifa one
January 15, 2026 at 9:58 PM
Wonder how much you get for the fifa one
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
True, but Trump yelling and whining and stomping his feet until he finally gets a hand-me-down prize from a woman who actually did something to earn it is also extremely on brand
January 15, 2026 at 9:53 PM
True, but Trump yelling and whining and stomping his feet until he finally gets a hand-me-down prize from a woman who actually did something to earn it is also extremely on brand
This is the stupidest thing to happen since The Donald J. Trump and the John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts
María Corina Machado on her meeting with Trump: “I presented the president of the United States with the Nobel Peace Prize”
January 15, 2026 at 9:49 PM
This is the stupidest thing to happen since The Donald J. Trump and the John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts
Why did he feel the need to provide a visual for coked up Japanese quail getting their backs blown out?
The total NSF budget was 9 billion. I doubt they spend 89% of it on quail.
January 15, 2026 at 9:40 PM
Why did he feel the need to provide a visual for coked up Japanese quail getting their backs blown out?
This is probably very bad, but also, lmao
January 15, 2026 at 9:21 PM
This is probably very bad, but also, lmao
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
ALERT: My office has received reports of heavy ICE presence near 12th & Maple in DTLA in the Fashion District. Agents are actively walking the area.
If you have info report to:
LA Rapid Response Network: (888) 624-4752
If you have info report to:
LA Rapid Response Network: (888) 624-4752
January 15, 2026 at 8:41 PM
ALERT: My office has received reports of heavy ICE presence near 12th & Maple in DTLA in the Fashion District. Agents are actively walking the area.
If you have info report to:
LA Rapid Response Network: (888) 624-4752
If you have info report to:
LA Rapid Response Network: (888) 624-4752
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
huge congratulations to @froggyblink.bsky.social for absolutely nailing the assignment on the first-ever skeet to feature a functioning $TSLA cashtag
January 15, 2026 at 8:08 PM
huge congratulations to @froggyblink.bsky.social for absolutely nailing the assignment on the first-ever skeet to feature a functioning $TSLA cashtag