Ian Miles Schlong
@tedcruznipples.com
Area man, unfortunately
Bluesky’s #1 Ken Bone hater
in Los Angeles
he/him
Bluesky’s #1 Ken Bone hater
in Los Angeles
he/him
Pinned
Ian Miles Schlong
@tedcruznipples.com
· Jan 24
Everything is the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen
There’s no way Trump even saw Rush Hour 3. This bloviating fuck just wanted to be able to issue a decree and actually have something happen.
November 25, 2025 at 7:40 PM
There’s no way Trump even saw Rush Hour 3. This bloviating fuck just wanted to be able to issue a decree and actually have something happen.
The funny part is, by the time this gets released, Trump will be an 82 year old sack of quivering demented crap, if he’s even alive at all, and he’ll quite possibly be in prison or exile
November 25, 2025 at 6:02 PM
The funny part is, by the time this gets released, Trump will be an 82 year old sack of quivering demented crap, if he’s even alive at all, and he’ll quite possibly be in prison or exile
The ticket scanner on the flyaway bus just told me I was valid 🥹 feeling a sense of spiritual renewal
November 25, 2025 at 5:51 PM
The ticket scanner on the flyaway bus just told me I was valid 🥹 feeling a sense of spiritual renewal
The plan? Charge our paid subscribers actual money to read us complaining about paper towels — that way they’ll be more appreciative when our editorial board makes actual substantive arguments, regardless of how bad or socially corrosive they are.
November 25, 2025 at 3:54 PM
The plan? Charge our paid subscribers actual money to read us complaining about paper towels — that way they’ll be more appreciative when our editorial board makes actual substantive arguments, regardless of how bad or socially corrosive they are.
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
Any time corporate executives are in a room together and don't know they're being recorded, the transcript is like: "Christ, I hate our customers. We're agreed that we all hate our customers? Let's lie to the IRS, criminally. Did I mention the Holocaust never happened? Put more lead in our soda."
Campbell's soup VP caught on tape trashing his own brand. Oof. www.clickondetroit.com/news/local/2...
November 24, 2025 at 11:32 PM
Any time corporate executives are in a room together and don't know they're being recorded, the transcript is like: "Christ, I hate our customers. We're agreed that we all hate our customers? Let's lie to the IRS, criminally. Did I mention the Holocaust never happened? Put more lead in our soda."
“I can’t wait until you are no longer the secretary of defense” is lowkey hilarious
Gallego to Hegseth: "You will never ever be half the man that Sen. Kelly is. You, sir, are a coward. And the fact that you are following this order from the president shows how big of a coward you are. I can't wait until you are no longer the secretary of defense."
November 24, 2025 at 9:53 PM
“I can’t wait until you are no longer the secretary of defense” is lowkey hilarious
I am making a voodoo doll of Sean Duffy to shove up my ass
Sean Duffy: "Dressing with respect -- whether it's a pair of jeans and a decent shirt, I would encourage people to maybe dress a little better which encourages us to maybe behave a little better. Let's try not to wear slippers and pajamas as we come to the airport."
November 24, 2025 at 9:50 PM
I am making a voodoo doll of Sean Duffy to shove up my ass
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
Anyway, here's Wonderwall
November 24, 2025 at 8:06 PM
Anyway, here's Wonderwall
As I grab the glock
Put it to your headpiece
One in the chamber
The safety is off release
Straight at your dome homes
I wanna see cabbage
Biggie smalls the savage
Doin your brain cells much damage
Put it to your headpiece
One in the chamber
The safety is off release
Straight at your dome homes
I wanna see cabbage
Biggie smalls the savage
Doin your brain cells much damage
November 24, 2025 at 8:00 PM
As I grab the glock
Put it to your headpiece
One in the chamber
The safety is off release
Straight at your dome homes
I wanna see cabbage
Biggie smalls the savage
Doin your brain cells much damage
Put it to your headpiece
One in the chamber
The safety is off release
Straight at your dome homes
I wanna see cabbage
Biggie smalls the savage
Doin your brain cells much damage
At some point somebody’s gonna have to challenge this guy to a duel
November 24, 2025 at 6:18 PM
At some point somebody’s gonna have to challenge this guy to a duel
President Trump after realizing he’s losing all his court cases, his party is in open revolt, everybody hates him, he smells like shit, and Laura Loomer is reportedly having a baby with Ian Miles Cheong
November 24, 2025 at 6:05 PM
President Trump after realizing he’s losing all his court cases, his party is in open revolt, everybody hates him, he smells like shit, and Laura Loomer is reportedly having a baby with Ian Miles Cheong
I love it when gas is at a 5 year low that I put in my car
BARTIROMO: Do you want to see the president cut tariffs on certain things, like coffee from Brazil?
TOM EMMER: Groceries are down. Gas is at a 5 year low that you put in your car. Look, they destroyed this economy under Joe Biden.
TOM EMMER: Groceries are down. Gas is at a 5 year low that you put in your car. Look, they destroyed this economy under Joe Biden.
November 24, 2025 at 5:16 PM
I love it when gas is at a 5 year low that I put in my car
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
Stop trying to make fetch happen. It’s not going to happen, Charlie Brown
Bullshit, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Charlie Brown
We all float down here, Charlie Brown
November 24, 2025 at 8:14 AM
Stop trying to make fetch happen. It’s not going to happen, Charlie Brown
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
YOU’RE TEARING ME APART, CHARLIE BROWN
Bullshit, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Charlie Brown
We all float down here, Charlie Brown
November 24, 2025 at 5:32 AM
YOU’RE TEARING ME APART, CHARLIE BROWN
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
Your mother sucks cocks in hell, Charlie Brown
Bullshit, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Charlie Brown
We all float down here, Charlie Brown
November 24, 2025 at 5:23 AM
Your mother sucks cocks in hell, Charlie Brown
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
That just, like, your opinion, Charlie Brown
Bullshit, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Charlie Brown
We all float down here, Charlie Brown
November 24, 2025 at 5:16 AM
That just, like, your opinion, Charlie Brown
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
You're a virgin who can't drive, Charlie Brown.
Bullshit, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Charlie Brown
We all float down here, Charlie Brown
November 24, 2025 at 5:08 AM
You're a virgin who can't drive, Charlie Brown.
Bullshit, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Charlie Brown
We all float down here, Charlie Brown
Second prize is a set of steak knives, Charlie Brown
November 24, 2025 at 5:01 AM
Bullshit, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Charlie Brown
I;m thinking about thos Beans
November 24, 2025 at 4:57 AM
I;m thinking about thos Beans
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
Telling my kid that these are the Krassenstein twins.
Ever since I made my fantasy football team pic this photo of the bogdanoff brothers, my team has been plagued by major issues and has lost all but one game. The lesson is never to make your team pic this photo of the bogdanoff bros.
November 24, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Telling my kid that these are the Krassenstein twins.
They don’t make comedies anymore because studios are terrified of pissing off touchy partisans in the age of Trump
“Trump appears to want to revive the raucous comedies and action movies of the late 1980s to late 1990s. He’s passionate, for instance, about the 1988 Jean Claude Van Damme sports flick Bloodsport.”
A person directly familiar with the conversations tells Semafor that Donald Trump has personally pressed Larry Ellison to revive Brett Ratner's "Rush Hour" franchise.
www.semafor.com/article/11/2...
www.semafor.com/article/11/2...
November 24, 2025 at 3:14 AM
They don’t make comedies anymore because studios are terrified of pissing off touchy partisans in the age of Trump
Sorry Donald. Brett was cancelled as part of the #MeToo movement that took place during your first administration. You need to respect that.
A person directly familiar with the conversations tells Semafor that Donald Trump has personally pressed Larry Ellison to revive Brett Ratner's "Rush Hour" franchise.
www.semafor.com/article/11/2...
www.semafor.com/article/11/2...
Exclusive: How Trump is trying to remake American culture — starting with his favorite buddy-cop franchise
The president is offering some creative input on potential upcoming projects.
www.semafor.com
November 24, 2025 at 2:56 AM
Sorry Donald. Brett was cancelled as part of the #MeToo movement that took place during your first administration. You need to respect that.
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
This is the world we live in.
And these are the hands we're given.
Use them and let's start trying.
To make it a place worth living in.
And these are the hands we're given.
Use them and let's start trying.
To make it a place worth living in.
Of course, how rude of me. This one should perform fine for you.
November 24, 2025 at 2:14 AM
This is the world we live in.
And these are the hands we're given.
Use them and let's start trying.
To make it a place worth living in.
And these are the hands we're given.
Use them and let's start trying.
To make it a place worth living in.
Of course, how rude of me. This one should perform fine for you.
November 24, 2025 at 1:42 AM
Of course, how rude of me. This one should perform fine for you.