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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 6h

oh nooooooooo

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 6h

I am SO GLAD I work in a place that’s basically fragrance-free like why do you need to bathe in it???

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 6h

there should be a force field at the gym entrance and if you’re wearing a gallon of cologne it just bounces you back out the door

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 22h

my circumcision definitely gave me autism my mom should get her money back

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 22h

I need a television that blocks out the scary movie trailers for me in October I have unwillingly seen way too much horrifying shit this week

The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 1d

😂😂😂

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 1d

there’s a lot of super dumb things right now 😂

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 1d

it’s super dumb when Adidas black doesn’t match Adidas black

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 5d

I always draw my eyebrows on perfectly on days I’m probably not even leaving my house

The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 7d

this is the saddest email ever

Cancelled
The Joey Bada$$ event at Showbox SoDo on Saturday, November 1, 2025
has been cancelled.
If you purchased your tickets via AxS online or by phone, a refund will automatically be issued to the credit card you used to purchase within 30 business days. Otherwise, refunds are available at your original point of purchase.

Reposted by The Real Melissa

👻BOO(P)👻 @frozenbodyparts.bsky.social · 9d

People are too nonchalant about the fact that birds can talk.

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 7d

next time you see him just start running in the other direction

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 7d

the whole drive to the UPS store, I was singing “it’s my shit in a box”

two men in suits and sunglasses are standing next to each other holding presents .

Alt: two men in suits and sunglasses are standing next to each other holding presents

media.tenor.com

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Reposted by The Real Melissa

Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 8d

If I loved you in elementary school then I would just happen to bring some extra newspaper articles for a current events assignment in case you forgot yours as you did and still you married somebody else. I would again too, but platonically

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Reposted by The Real Melissa

Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 23d

For mental health reasons, the HHS recommends that your media diet should be 10% news and 90% shitposts.

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 8d

I don’t even need to read the description to know that I would probably cry within the first 10 minutes 😂

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Reposted by The Real Melissa

BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 8d

education is to make a better society, not purely for financial gain
you don’t need it for money, these assholes proved that
so let’s use what we know, whether it was formal education or life experience

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 8d

the number of times I look in the mirror and go “holy shit have I looked like this all day?” is alarming

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 9d

if I have to take a Lyft I screenshot all the driver information and send it to my 3 friends

it makes me think of the 80s and 90s when we would all get in whatever car with like 6 other people and go god knows where…I don’t know how most of us survived 😂

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Reposted by The Real Melissa

Fun @funkelly.bsky.social · 10d

hey, everyone! im gonna be signing guitars at the sherman oaks guitar center tomorrow from 3pm until they call the cops to have me removed. come say hi!

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 12d

*open a package from my bestie and get all teary-eyed from a twinge of homesickness*

17YO walks in the room:

“Is that a butt thing?”

Wine bottle stopper with a glass square decorative top

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 13d

how to spot a sister married to Microsoft money: hey, we got a suite at a Mariners game and we have 10 tickets still. Wanna come? It’s only $225 a ticket

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Reposted by The Real Melissa

Donkey BOO!-tay 😱💩 @donkee.bsky.social · Aug 8

Obviously dna evidence wasn’t readily available in Nazareth in the year 0, but if we could exhume Mary’s body and find one of gods pubes think of the price you could command from the Vatican for such an artifact

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The Real Melissa @therealmelissa.bsky.social · 14d

my brain just read a jeopardy category as “cocaine with cayenne” but cooking definitely makes a lot more sense

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Reposted by The Real Melissa

Dramatix 🍺 @garyniv.bsky.social · 15d

it was not a useless trip. i learned two things: 1. the store takes a lunch break and b. i can’t be bothered to check hours before leaving home

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