david tveite
@tveite.bsky.social
for some reason it's pronounced "twighty." i do standup and i go to the grocery store and that's basically it.
www.davidtveite.com
www.davidtveite.com
james harden has switched nba teams four times since 2021 and each move has been funnier than the last
February 6, 2026 at 6:29 PM
james harden has switched nba teams four times since 2021 and each move has been funnier than the last
Reposted by david tveite
Broken Social Contract
Was this very mid-2000s emo person press-ganged into ICE servitude?
February 6, 2026 at 5:09 AM
Broken Social Contract
Reposted by david tveite
it's unbelievable to me that someone could actually be a trillionaire. i think most of us have trouble internalizing how much money that truly is. let me put it in simple terms for you: a trillion dollars is three million dollars
February 5, 2026 at 8:27 PM
it's unbelievable to me that someone could actually be a trillionaire. i think most of us have trouble internalizing how much money that truly is. let me put it in simple terms for you: a trillion dollars is three million dollars
Reposted by david tveite
Mama Soprano’s Gravy (1999-2000): Jarred pasta sauce marketed as the "personal recipe" of Livia Soprano, matriarch on "The Sopranos". Released as a promotional item to media outlets and collectible shops for the series premiere
August 21, 2025 at 1:49 PM
Mama Soprano’s Gravy (1999-2000): Jarred pasta sauce marketed as the "personal recipe" of Livia Soprano, matriarch on "The Sopranos". Released as a promotional item to media outlets and collectible shops for the series premiere
Reposted by david tveite
goddamnit
February 5, 2026 at 12:54 AM
goddamnit
Reposted by david tveite
A+ ad placement on ESPN’s trade tracker
February 4, 2026 at 9:50 PM
A+ ad placement on ESPN’s trade tracker
Reposted by david tveite
worth noting that the second rich people stopped being afraid of mobs tearing them limb from limb, they stopped building libraries and opera houses and stuff and started ripping the copper wiring out of the walls of society instead
February 4, 2026 at 4:44 PM
worth noting that the second rich people stopped being afraid of mobs tearing them limb from limb, they stopped building libraries and opera houses and stuff and started ripping the copper wiring out of the walls of society instead
i think it's high time for the people on the left and the people on the right to set aside their differences and fight the real enemy: the people in the center
February 3, 2026 at 11:42 PM
i think it's high time for the people on the left and the people on the right to set aside their differences and fight the real enemy: the people in the center
ok so i'm way behind but i've been watching the diddy docuseries and i definitely did not remember how fucking weird his mtv performance with sting was
February 3, 2026 at 11:05 PM
ok so i'm way behind but i've been watching the diddy docuseries and i definitely did not remember how fucking weird his mtv performance with sting was
none of the members of ween are in any of the epstein files
February 3, 2026 at 9:58 PM
none of the members of ween are in any of the epstein files
no fair that birds get to be descended from dinosaurs and i don't
February 3, 2026 at 8:51 PM
no fair that birds get to be descended from dinosaurs and i don't
Reposted by david tveite
alleged constitutional scholar mike johnson: imagine if everyone we wanted to arrest was "due" some sort of "process"
Mike Johnson speaks out against the use of judicial warrants in immigration cases:
"Imagine if we had to go through the process of getting a judicial warrant"
"Imagine if we had to go through the process of getting a judicial warrant"
February 3, 2026 at 8:20 PM
alleged constitutional scholar mike johnson: imagine if everyone we wanted to arrest was "due" some sort of "process"
i feel like today would be an excellent day for it to happen
February 2, 2026 at 3:06 PM
i feel like today would be an excellent day for it to happen
i feel like the people who named this show did not expect it to run for this many seasons
February 2, 2026 at 12:18 AM
i feel like the people who named this show did not expect it to run for this many seasons
if the government doesn't want anyone to see the epstein files maybe they should put them in the freakin melania movie
January 29, 2026 at 9:47 PM
if the government doesn't want anyone to see the epstein files maybe they should put them in the freakin melania movie
this genre of paperback cover art sucks so fuckin bad dude
January 29, 2026 at 8:53 PM
this genre of paperback cover art sucks so fuckin bad dude
Reposted by david tveite
The tweet of this lousy era we can't get out of x.com/dhm/status/8...
January 29, 2026 at 1:42 AM
The tweet of this lousy era we can't get out of x.com/dhm/status/8...
Reposted by david tveite
Also remember this and have a laugh. I think it was Dan’s favorite thing that ever happened.
January 29, 2026 at 3:09 AM
Also remember this and have a laugh. I think it was Dan’s favorite thing that ever happened.
Reposted by david tveite
as one of the world's most important Quora Scholars, i am unsurprised to learn that the insane guy who attacked Ilhan Omar has an account on the website
New York Times journalists, please contact me for key insights into the minds of this important and growing demographic
New York Times journalists, please contact me for key insights into the minds of this important and growing demographic
January 29, 2026 at 5:47 PM
as one of the world's most important Quora Scholars, i am unsurprised to learn that the insane guy who attacked Ilhan Omar has an account on the website
New York Times journalists, please contact me for key insights into the minds of this important and growing demographic
New York Times journalists, please contact me for key insights into the minds of this important and growing demographic
Reposted by david tveite
Dan was a friend and a legend, and it’s been extremely touching to read everyone’s remembrances of him; Dan forever. defector.com/dan-mcquade-...
Dan McQuade, 1983–2026 | Defector
Dan McQuade, our friend and colleague, died this week at the age of 43. He is survived by his wife and young son. At the end of 2024, Dan was diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer. The news of his diag...
defector.com
January 29, 2026 at 2:05 AM
Dan was a friend and a legend, and it’s been extremely touching to read everyone’s remembrances of him; Dan forever. defector.com/dan-mcquade-...
fuck. rip dan mcquade.
January 29, 2026 at 2:07 AM
fuck. rip dan mcquade.
Reposted by david tveite
Take his personal army away from him while you can, you stupid, stupid assholes. You’re like an armadillo playing dead in the middle of the road so the semi won’t hurt you
January 28, 2026 at 11:44 PM
Take his personal army away from him while you can, you stupid, stupid assholes. You’re like an armadillo playing dead in the middle of the road so the semi won’t hurt you
Reposted by david tveite
my road closer for like my first five years in comedy was about this
DiGiorno Pizza & Cookies (2011-circa 2018): A classic DiGiorno frozen pizza (available in 4-cheese, pepperoni, or supreme) along with a package of Toll House chocolate chip cookie dough to make 12 cookies, or possibly 1 giant cookie. Part of a line of "combo" products from DiGiorno in the 2010's.
January 27, 2026 at 6:17 PM
my road closer for like my first five years in comedy was about this