david tveite
@tveite.bsky.social
for some reason it's pronounced "twighty." i do standup and i go to the grocery store and that's basically it.
www.davidtveite.com
www.davidtveite.com
it makes sense if you think about it
November 25, 2025 at 10:01 PM
it makes sense if you think about it
workin on smoking the backlog of half-finished joints i found while cleaning out my desk
November 25, 2025 at 8:04 PM
workin on smoking the backlog of half-finished joints i found while cleaning out my desk
DID YOU KNOW: not everybody wanted the bald eagle to be america's national bird! founding father benjamin franklin thought it should be the "toilet bird," a creature he claimed first appeared to him in a dream. he used to carry around a crude stained drawing of one which he loved showing to people.
November 25, 2025 at 7:51 PM
DID YOU KNOW: not everybody wanted the bald eagle to be america's national bird! founding father benjamin franklin thought it should be the "toilet bird," a creature he claimed first appeared to him in a dream. he used to carry around a crude stained drawing of one which he loved showing to people.
thom yorke is what happens when an english child is raised in the abyssal zone (4,000 to 6,000 meters beneath the ocean's surface)
November 25, 2025 at 6:13 PM
thom yorke is what happens when an english child is raised in the abyssal zone (4,000 to 6,000 meters beneath the ocean's surface)
glad i stopped posting on twitter before i got exposed as a shadowy bot farm operating out of tuvalu
November 24, 2025 at 8:28 PM
glad i stopped posting on twitter before i got exposed as a shadowy bot farm operating out of tuvalu
this nfl season reflecting our current reality in that you can't trust any of these teams they're all total frauds
November 24, 2025 at 12:49 AM
this nfl season reflecting our current reality in that you can't trust any of these teams they're all total frauds
this is fucking crazy
I can't go yell at the guy who publicly argued with me about this because he has cancer right now but I absolutely will log on here and say I Told You So into the void one million times because I am a PETTY BITCH
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT???????
YouTube video by fantano
youtu.be
November 21, 2025 at 9:21 PM
this is fucking crazy
Reposted by david tveite
Don't do that. Don't call your record that. Come on.
November 21, 2025 at 3:35 AM
Don't do that. Don't call your record that. Come on.
i hate to rue a day
November 21, 2025 at 12:02 AM
i hate to rue a day
they arrested patrick beverley? since when is it a crime to have that dog in you?
November 19, 2025 at 12:08 AM
they arrested patrick beverley? since when is it a crime to have that dog in you?
regrettably this was one of my best tweets
November 18, 2025 at 11:35 PM
regrettably this was one of my best tweets
curious that i haven't been able to generate the same kind of buzz with the memoir i wrote about my illicit romance with dan bongino
November 18, 2025 at 9:23 PM
curious that i haven't been able to generate the same kind of buzz with the memoir i wrote about my illicit romance with dan bongino
i think it should be optional for nfl teams to have goal posts on their home fields. you should be allowed to be like "sorry no field goals here" and the visitors just have to deal with it.
November 18, 2025 at 5:22 AM
i think it should be optional for nfl teams to have goal posts on their home fields. you should be allowed to be like "sorry no field goals here" and the visitors just have to deal with it.
imagine being a raiders fan like you're putting on silver face paint for this and shit
November 18, 2025 at 2:25 AM
imagine being a raiders fan like you're putting on silver face paint for this and shit
if i get nothing else from the show pluribus at least i have this: for some reason, the word forecastle is pronounced "folks'll"
November 17, 2025 at 10:47 PM
if i get nothing else from the show pluribus at least i have this: for some reason, the word forecastle is pronounced "folks'll"
holy shit greet death is such a fucking good live band
November 16, 2025 at 7:46 AM
holy shit greet death is such a fucking good live band
how is sam altman married to a child who's taller than him
*To the tune of the Coca-Cola christmas ad music*
Eugenics are coming
Eugenics are coming
Sam Altman and husband fund startup to edit babies’ genes
The Open AI boss and his husband, Oliver Mulherin, have invested in the startup Preventive, which aims to genetically engineer children free from hereditary diseases
www.thetimes.com
November 15, 2025 at 9:42 PM
how is sam altman married to a child who's taller than him
on mushrooms at the sigur ros concert trying to sing along with the songs
November 15, 2025 at 5:07 AM
on mushrooms at the sigur ros concert trying to sing along with the songs
being serious for a minute, if the epstein files come out and all that's in there is donald trump consensually sucking off another elderly man, i'm gonna owe donald trump an apology
November 14, 2025 at 7:47 PM
being serious for a minute, if the epstein files come out and all that's in there is donald trump consensually sucking off another elderly man, i'm gonna owe donald trump an apology
capitalism is the best engine for innovation that's why all our new consumer products these days are a computer that helps you kill yourself or a muffin that's suspiciously high on protein
November 14, 2025 at 7:43 PM
capitalism is the best engine for innovation that's why all our new consumer products these days are a computer that helps you kill yourself or a muffin that's suspiciously high on protein
having a hard time affording a home huh well that's because joe biden let all these refugees from guatemala and el salvador financialize the housing market
November 13, 2025 at 11:05 PM
having a hard time affording a home huh well that's because joe biden let all these refugees from guatemala and el salvador financialize the housing market
donald trump and kash patel just pulled me into the situation room and told me to quit doing comedy??
November 13, 2025 at 10:44 PM
donald trump and kash patel just pulled me into the situation room and told me to quit doing comedy??
Reposted by david tveite
*witch cocks gun*
"double double, motherfucker"
"double double, motherfucker"
November 13, 2025 at 9:56 PM
*witch cocks gun*
"double double, motherfucker"
"double double, motherfucker"
one of my favorite horror movie tropes is when characters get punished for not respecting the norms of halloween. this literal demon from hell gets sooo mad if you take more than one candy out of the unattended bowl!
November 13, 2025 at 8:41 PM
one of my favorite horror movie tropes is when characters get punished for not respecting the norms of halloween. this literal demon from hell gets sooo mad if you take more than one candy out of the unattended bowl!