david tveite
@tveite.bsky.social
for some reason it's pronounced "twighty." i do standup and i go to the grocery store and that's basically it.
www.davidtveite.com
www.davidtveite.com
Reposted by david tveite
Reposted by david tveite
if one of my henchmen started a sentence with "i think—" i would like to believe i'd be the kind of boss that goes "oh you're thinkin now huh? that's good!" and not the kind who snaps "i don't pay you to think!" but you never know how the pressure is going to affect you in the moment.
February 13, 2026 at 4:13 AM
if one of my henchmen started a sentence with "i think—" i would like to believe i'd be the kind of boss that goes "oh you're thinkin now huh? that's good!" and not the kind who snaps "i don't pay you to think!" but you never know how the pressure is going to affect you in the moment.
i truly believe that if we all work together we can make this country into a place where being involved in a massive international sex crime racket is bad for your career
February 13, 2026 at 7:24 PM
i truly believe that if we all work together we can make this country into a place where being involved in a massive international sex crime racket is bad for your career
feels like i haven't heard about morbius the living vampire in awhile
February 13, 2026 at 7:00 PM
feels like i haven't heard about morbius the living vampire in awhile
if one of my henchmen started a sentence with "i think—" i would like to believe i'd be the kind of boss that goes "oh you're thinkin now huh? that's good!" and not the kind who snaps "i don't pay you to think!" but you never know how the pressure is going to affect you in the moment.
February 13, 2026 at 4:13 AM
if one of my henchmen started a sentence with "i think—" i would like to believe i'd be the kind of boss that goes "oh you're thinkin now huh? that's good!" and not the kind who snaps "i don't pay you to think!" but you never know how the pressure is going to affect you in the moment.
Reposted by david tveite
imperial grapefruits, painted by ellen isham schutt, 1909
February 12, 2026 at 11:18 PM
imperial grapefruits, painted by ellen isham schutt, 1909
i love how aggressive tiktok's follow recommendations are. i just got an email from them where the top 3 "someone you may know"s were two canceled comedians and a coworker from a job i had for 6 months 13 years ago.
February 12, 2026 at 8:04 PM
i love how aggressive tiktok's follow recommendations are. i just got an email from them where the top 3 "someone you may know"s were two canceled comedians and a coworker from a job i had for 6 months 13 years ago.
trying to take better care of my dental health so i bought an unbelievably loud electric toothbrush
February 12, 2026 at 6:54 PM
trying to take better care of my dental health so i bought an unbelievably loud electric toothbrush
Reposted by david tveite
you ever notice there’s never more than a single person in a cybertruck
February 12, 2026 at 3:18 PM
you ever notice there’s never more than a single person in a cybertruck
i hate to say it but the past year has completely turned me off to the whole idea of a cabal
February 12, 2026 at 5:27 PM
i hate to say it but the past year has completely turned me off to the whole idea of a cabal
any questions of this administration's honesty and competence can surely be put to rest after pam bondi's masterful impression of a patti harrison character
February 12, 2026 at 2:14 AM
any questions of this administration's honesty and competence can surely be put to rest after pam bondi's masterful impression of a patti harrison character
last night i was stoned at the grocery store and there was a guy whistling the darryl hannah thing from kill bill so loud that i became convinced he was trying to get me to physically fight him
February 11, 2026 at 7:45 PM
last night i was stoned at the grocery store and there was a guy whistling the darryl hannah thing from kill bill so loud that i became convinced he was trying to get me to physically fight him
Reposted by david tveite
"Fight against being ass" is a message that more people need to receive, tbh
February 11, 2026 at 12:36 PM
"Fight against being ass" is a message that more people need to receive, tbh
if donald trump is guilty then how come he called the police station and said he's innocent
February 10, 2026 at 9:06 PM
if donald trump is guilty then how come he called the police station and said he's innocent
there was a futurama (i think?) episode where richard nixon claimed to have an audio tape that completely exonerated him from involvement in watergate and it was just someone going "someone broke into the watergate" and him going "whaaaat?!"
Lmao come on man. This is B tier Columbo villain stuff
February 10, 2026 at 8:38 PM
there was a futurama (i think?) episode where richard nixon claimed to have an audio tape that completely exonerated him from involvement in watergate and it was just someone going "someone broke into the watergate" and him going "whaaaat?!"
Reposted by david tveite
kid rock's guitar says "this machine gives fascists a lil kiss"
February 9, 2026 at 7:04 PM
kid rock's guitar says "this machine gives fascists a lil kiss"
bad bunny halftime show did a very good job of threading the needle of "insane to get mad at" and also "will make conservatives insanely mad"
February 9, 2026 at 6:35 PM
bad bunny halftime show did a very good job of threading the needle of "insane to get mad at" and also "will make conservatives insanely mad"
who do you guys like in this one
February 9, 2026 at 3:12 AM
who do you guys like in this one
james harden has switched nba teams four times since 2021 and each move has been funnier than the last
February 6, 2026 at 6:29 PM
james harden has switched nba teams four times since 2021 and each move has been funnier than the last
Reposted by david tveite
Broken Social Contract
Was this very mid-2000s emo person press-ganged into ICE servitude?
February 6, 2026 at 5:09 AM
Broken Social Contract
Reposted by david tveite
it's unbelievable to me that someone could actually be a trillionaire. i think most of us have trouble internalizing how much money that truly is. let me put it in simple terms for you: a trillion dollars is three million dollars
February 5, 2026 at 8:27 PM
it's unbelievable to me that someone could actually be a trillionaire. i think most of us have trouble internalizing how much money that truly is. let me put it in simple terms for you: a trillion dollars is three million dollars
Reposted by david tveite
Mama Soprano’s Gravy (1999-2000): Jarred pasta sauce marketed as the "personal recipe" of Livia Soprano, matriarch on "The Sopranos". Released as a promotional item to media outlets and collectible shops for the series premiere
August 21, 2025 at 1:49 PM
Mama Soprano’s Gravy (1999-2000): Jarred pasta sauce marketed as the "personal recipe" of Livia Soprano, matriarch on "The Sopranos". Released as a promotional item to media outlets and collectible shops for the series premiere
Reposted by david tveite
goddamnit
February 5, 2026 at 12:54 AM
goddamnit
Reposted by david tveite
A+ ad placement on ESPN’s trade tracker
February 4, 2026 at 9:50 PM
A+ ad placement on ESPN’s trade tracker