i can smell a brick of chat gpt text from a mile off. my geiger counter starts clicking the second a screenshot enters my bubble. i am not going to read a thing that some loser did not even bother to write

damn it's amazon prime day "do you want a bunch of shit you don't want, but at normal price?"

in 97 back when malls were still a thing i saw yoda get his robe caught stepping off an escalator. it pulled him back and the robe started to constrict so hard he turned purple. we briefly made eye contact and i could see the light go out before my mom pulled me away. then he was in phantom menace??

Gene Hackman sounds like a name Kojima would pick if he wrote Jurassic Park

About 95% of Star Trek eps can be summed up as “a weird guy shows up”

Everyone knows Goodreads was abandoned and cursed to persist like a forgotten neopet but if you EVER thought a five-point rating scale was sufficient for a BOOK RATING APP you LOST IT dude

if Hoffman's a pirate and you see Neverland: Hook, by Spielberg (broadly panned)

if the pirate is Hopper and you see land never: Waterworld, Costner's troubled endeavor

after days of grifters and con men at CES we stumbled upon the booth for VLC. they were all dressed as wizards and told us, "we have nothing to sell, we just decided to show up". i told them I'd been using their software to pirate media for 15 years and they said "keep doing that"

Ominous set of burned discs I found while cleaning

any sound you make that is audible in the theater during a good movie is a crime. america you have been sentenced to the fucking electric chair you god damned hogs

Honestly cannot stop laughing at this suggested post from Instagram

i used to get on "vr chat" bc i found an extremely realistic kevin smith model and i liked to just go stand there while the guys tried to flirt with cat girls. i did this for many hours

Christmas Feel Box Ideas

damp sponge = Santa’s brains
peeled grapes = Santa’s eyes
dried apple slices = Santa’s ears
tines of a plastic fork = Santa’s teeth
dog feces = Santa’s feces

The Japan travel experience is discovering your souldrink from a vending machine day one and then trying and failing to find another one for the remainder of your trip