Santa Tweet! Santa Tweet!

It’s not cool to celebrate someone’s death. Sure, Vlad the Impaler dipped his bread in the blood of his victims, but he was a human being who deserves our courtesy and respect

Walton Goggins, thank you

If you want to have a successful Bluesky post just ask yourself “is this something an old person would complain about?” If yes, then press post as fast as you fuckin can

having exactly (1) day out of the year where every amateur chef in America attempts to cook a giant bird and not fuck it up is, honestly, a wonderful and hilarious tradition

every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know

KNOW YOUR MAD MEN MODALITIES:
Don Draper mode - leaving work early to go to a movie
Summer Manning- getting head in the back of a cab
Monolithed - so drunk you want to watch the Mets
Dick Whitmanpilled - smoking, drinking, and cheating on your wife

[a turtle walks by]

me: *holding back the guy who discovered pistachios* no dont do it

not an early bird, nor a night owl, just generally sleepy all the time

pin me like one of your bangers

if white culture doesn’t exist then why is there a clear difference between loaded and fully loaded chili cheese fries

THE PYRAMIDS HAVE BEEN ACTIVATED!!!!!!!