Brian Fleitman
@vomax2k.bsky.social
Millennium hand and shrimp.
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
If you want to know who took all of your money, it's the people with all of the money. Famously, we know that's people working in child care.
January 2, 2026 at 8:53 PM
If you want to know who took all of your money, it's the people with all of the money. Famously, we know that's people working in child care.
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
all this is both foolish and unnecessary
January 4, 2026 at 9:47 PM
all this is both foolish and unnecessary
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
Marco Rubio is reportedly saying Maduro will stand trial in US courts.
Which means it’s now the US administration’s position that US courts can hold foreign presidents, but not the US president, accountable for crimes.
Which means it’s now the US administration’s position that US courts can hold foreign presidents, but not the US president, accountable for crimes.
January 3, 2026 at 10:52 AM
Marco Rubio is reportedly saying Maduro will stand trial in US courts.
Which means it’s now the US administration’s position that US courts can hold foreign presidents, but not the US president, accountable for crimes.
Which means it’s now the US administration’s position that US courts can hold foreign presidents, but not the US president, accountable for crimes.
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
"its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do" is one of my all time favorite tweets, but as a public service I share this tumblr collection of the entire 26-tweet reply chain it was part of (courtesy of haywire4) www.tumblr.com/haywire4/173...
![mikefossey: Check this shit out motherfucker [I slide one foot out from under me and fall on my ass, its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do]
DinkMagic: Ever seen this before [I throw my hat like a frisbee 10 feet away and jump over near it]
mikefossey: [I run down a flight of stairs, stop at the second to last step, I pause, and then I jump the last two steps. I do not land it]
DinkMagic: [i throw a grape up in the air and open my mouth but i get scared that i breathed in some fluff and start choking violently]
mikefossey: [I'm doing a mime act where I pretend to pull on a rope but I somehow accidentally grab a real rope and I pull myself off stage]
DinkMagic: [im cooking an omelette and i flip the pan and snatch the omelette out of the air with my hand burning myself] tadaa](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreicpeii4u2iirkgscaerpb5tltbs4ohykg2obbvchzo56pjzo4juie@jpeg)
![mikefossey: [I kick some dust at a guy after losing an argument but the dust flies up into my mouth and I cough so hard I barf]
DinkMagic: [my friend says im going to the store toss me your keys but i see a strange bird and instead throw my wallet in the ditch]
mikefossey: [guy passes me on the highway and flips me off, I throw a full cup of coffee at my own windshield and it spills all over the car]
DinkMagic: [i toss an apple into my elbow-pit to bounce it back out but i miss and try to bite it out of the air but bite my tongue]
mikefossey: [I try to throw a beer can into the recycle but it hits the trash can instead and it's still mostly full so it knocks it over]
DinkMagic: [2 girls are arguing i say here let me solve this and i flip a gold coin i bought on ebay so hard it breaks a fluorescent tube](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreid5fec634tvopl2nybom2l7yrys7hrqbgrpq5gneukqiwt3zm44qu@jpeg)
![mikefossey: [I ask the guy at the store to recommend me a beer and he talks to me for 23 minutes before he realizes i think beer is wine]
DinkMagic: [i ask to be excused from dinner to do homework & then phone my mom because i broke my wrist playing street fighter at 7-11]
mikefossey: [I bite a gold coin to see if it's real, but it's chocolate. I try to play it cool and eat the whole thing without unwrapping it]
DinkMagic: [a teams softball rolls near me] i got this my friends a cuban pitcher [i throw the ball into the back of my own head & faint]
mikefossey: Here, let me park for you, Im really good at parallel parking [i walk over to the driver side and slam my dick in the car door]
DinkMagic: [i testify under oath that i thought a mortgage was a special kind of measuring tape]
mikefossey: [I'm cracking my knuckles and limbering up to fight but then a guy who's on his way to another fight accidentally knocks me over]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreihgywpjsvklyn2mdkfnvn2e4rknldwwa6brmtfkfkrpimkjj76tp4@jpeg)
![DinkMagic: [i ask the butcher for two pounds of boneless chicken Brent]
mikefossey: [at a dinner party I lean on the grand piano while telling a story, but the lid is open and I fall into it, hitting every string]
DinkMagic: [i get anxious at a fancy bar and order a martini and then say "could you imagine if this was soup" to no one really loud]
mikefossey: I try to open a beer with a lighter but I shatter the bottle and cut my hand, and also light my shirt on fire with the lighter]
DinkMagic: [i ride up on my new dirtbike revving it, and set the kickstand down on my own foot and start crying]
mikefossey: [I get water up my nose while I'm doing the dishes and knock my glasses into the garbage disposal when I go to rub my nose]
DinkMagic: [i get angry that I got confused & told an Italian that pizza came from Russia I drive to little Caesars & throw a stone at it](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreifw77g6afsgy7rhshwknw4kcdgujwj4al6ymbwiawohrn6wc5hpme@jpeg)
December 26, 2024 at 9:16 PM
"its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do" is one of my all time favorite tweets, but as a public service I share this tumblr collection of the entire 26-tweet reply chain it was part of (courtesy of haywire4) www.tumblr.com/haywire4/173...
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
The last few days did not move the main story forward AT ALL. It's just a guy eating little treats and doing nothing. And so many plot holes. He says, "no more little treats," and then he's eating another little treat in literally the next scene.
December 29, 2025 at 10:24 AM
The last few days did not move the main story forward AT ALL. It's just a guy eating little treats and doing nothing. And so many plot holes. He says, "no more little treats," and then he's eating another little treat in literally the next scene.
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
My one resolution for 2026 is to refer to all my meals as either “wet food” or “dry food”
December 27, 2025 at 11:07 AM
My one resolution for 2026 is to refer to all my meals as either “wet food” or “dry food”
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls
December 27, 2025 at 5:27 PM
another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
"the beatles from liverpool" sounds like some shit that would be in a horror movie if you dont know what either of those things are
December 26, 2025 at 2:11 PM
"the beatles from liverpool" sounds like some shit that would be in a horror movie if you dont know what either of those things are
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
“Who’s gonna stop you for that” is Trump’s key political insight
Newly discovered recordings show how far Donald Trump went to attempt overturning the 2020 presidential election results in Georgia.
Trump told the Speaker he could call the session “for transparency, and to uncover fraud,” adding, “Who’s gonna stop you for that?” trib.al/Yk7Lyb5
Trump told the Speaker he could call the session “for transparency, and to uncover fraud,” adding, “Who’s gonna stop you for that?” trib.al/Yk7Lyb5
December 25, 2025 at 8:51 PM
“Who’s gonna stop you for that” is Trump’s key political insight
The post in the screenshot is a fine way to think if the product you're "shipping" is ephemeral bullshit that's not meant to have a user base, or even exist, 6 months from now but for anything more than that it's obvious nonsense brought to you by a management class utterly divorced from reality
Can't wait for the loosened up, non-perfect, but quickly shipped AI-enhanced updates to hit my banking and insurance services next year.
Im sure there will be no issues there at all.
Im sure there will be no issues there at all.
December 26, 2025 at 2:45 PM
The post in the screenshot is a fine way to think if the product you're "shipping" is ephemeral bullshit that's not meant to have a user base, or even exist, 6 months from now but for anything more than that it's obvious nonsense brought to you by a management class utterly divorced from reality
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
Cool graphic, I just went insane
December 25, 2025 at 2:29 AM
Cool graphic, I just went insane
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
The Epstein file is the only thing Trump has ever taken his name off of
🚨 "The Justice Department redacted the names and identifiers of victims. Fox News Digital has learned that the same redaction standards were applied to politically exposed individuals and government officials. "
h/t @kleinmatic.bsky.social
h/t @kleinmatic.bsky.social
Epstein files explode open as DOJ details discovery of powerful figures and more than 1,200 victims
EXCLUSIVE: More than a dozen people and government officials' names appear in the hundreds of thousands of pages of Jeffrey Epstein files made public Friday, sources said.
www.foxnews.com
December 19, 2025 at 11:20 PM
The Epstein file is the only thing Trump has ever taken his name off of
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
I know some people may have thought the purpose of scholarship was to create and refine better understandings of the world while winnowing and weeding out incorrect and obsolete ideas, but what if we just gave all the ideas equal time all the time instead of discarding the dumb and immoral ones?
The dumbest person in American letters
www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/202...
www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/202...
December 18, 2025 at 2:39 PM
I know some people may have thought the purpose of scholarship was to create and refine better understandings of the world while winnowing and weeding out incorrect and obsolete ideas, but what if we just gave all the ideas equal time all the time instead of discarding the dumb and immoral ones?
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
Bjork's hitboxes are wild
December 16, 2025 at 6:34 PM
Bjork's hitboxes are wild
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
One way that the reaction to Rob Reiner's murder mirrors Charlie Kirk's is that the best way to eulogize each of them is to quote their words, and in both cases, doing so pisses off conservatives.
Rob Reiner: “Silence in the face of authoritarianism is complicity. Speaking out is a patriotic act. Democracy doesn’t defend itself. It requires participation, vigilance, and courage from ordinary people."
December 15, 2025 at 8:52 PM
One way that the reaction to Rob Reiner's murder mirrors Charlie Kirk's is that the best way to eulogize each of them is to quote their words, and in both cases, doing so pisses off conservatives.
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
*yelling from inside the getting kicked in the nuts factory* it's actually insane that you guys won't come in here
February 6, 2024 at 7:36 PM
*yelling from inside the getting kicked in the nuts factory* it's actually insane that you guys won't come in here
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
If you're having a bad time you always have the option of taking an edible and rewatching Hundreds Of Beavers with your cat
October 19, 2024 at 5:15 PM
If you're having a bad time you always have the option of taking an edible and rewatching Hundreds Of Beavers with your cat
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
so many of our current problems stem from americans not being able to comprehend that a guy they know from tv might actually be stupid
December 11, 2025 at 9:55 PM
so many of our current problems stem from americans not being able to comprehend that a guy they know from tv might actually be stupid
The lightbulb looks like a caricature of Stephen Miller, which seems appropriate.
Washington Post editorial board really speaking truth to power
December 11, 2025 at 5:46 PM
The lightbulb looks like a caricature of Stephen Miller, which seems appropriate.
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
He heard them say “Clinically remarkable,” and he thinks that’s good.
December 10, 2025 at 4:51 AM
He heard them say “Clinically remarkable,” and he thinks that’s good.
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
This entire grift relies on convincing people that they don't know how to do the things they have always known how to do, and ironically, if it works, we will, in a very short amount of time, forget how to do all the things we have always known how to do.
Jimmy Fallon: "And do you use ChatGPT when raising your baby?"
Sam Altman: "I cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT."
Sam Altman: "I cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT."
December 9, 2025 at 3:40 PM
This entire grift relies on convincing people that they don't know how to do the things they have always known how to do, and ironically, if it works, we will, in a very short amount of time, forget how to do all the things we have always known how to do.
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
I do kind of feel like a different form of life than anyone who thinks this
Jimmy Fallon: "And do you use ChatGPT when raising your baby?"
Sam Altman: "I cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT."
Sam Altman: "I cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT."
December 9, 2025 at 3:56 PM
I do kind of feel like a different form of life than anyone who thinks this
Reposted by Brian Fleitman
Oprah Pursues Dr. Phil On Ship Through Arctic https://theonion.com/oprah-pursues-dr-phil-on-ship-through-arctic/
December 8, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Oprah Pursues Dr. Phil On Ship Through Arctic https://theonion.com/oprah-pursues-dr-phil-on-ship-through-arctic/