me: i’m here for the improv class
receptionist: 2nd floor, studio 3
me: yes and
receptionist: and the lift’s out of service
me: yes and
receptionist: so you’ll have to take the stairs
me: yes and
receptionist: i'm your father and i'm also in love with you
me: wow you’re good
receptionist: 2nd floor, studio 3
me: yes and
receptionist: and the lift’s out of service
me: yes and
receptionist: so you’ll have to take the stairs
me: yes and
receptionist: i'm your father and i'm also in love with you
me: wow you’re good
December 13, 2024 at 2:14 PM
me: i’m here for the improv class
receptionist: 2nd floor, studio 3
me: yes and
receptionist: and the lift’s out of service
me: yes and
receptionist: so you’ll have to take the stairs
me: yes and
receptionist: i'm your father and i'm also in love with you
me: wow you’re good
receptionist: 2nd floor, studio 3
me: yes and
receptionist: and the lift’s out of service
me: yes and
receptionist: so you’ll have to take the stairs
me: yes and
receptionist: i'm your father and i'm also in love with you
me: wow you’re good
Reposted by joe
Trying to impress my psychiatrist by telling them that not only am I taking my meds, I'm also taking a ton of other drugs
December 11, 2024 at 9:05 PM
Trying to impress my psychiatrist by telling them that not only am I taking my meds, I'm also taking a ton of other drugs
*important distinction*
Problem in *your* 30s:
All your friends are married and boring
Problem in *the* 30s:
Europe will soon be in the grip of fascism
Problem in *your* 30s:
All your friends are married and boring
Problem in *the* 30s:
Europe will soon be in the grip of fascism
December 12, 2024 at 12:39 AM
*important distinction*
Problem in *your* 30s:
All your friends are married and boring
Problem in *the* 30s:
Europe will soon be in the grip of fascism
Problem in *your* 30s:
All your friends are married and boring
Problem in *the* 30s:
Europe will soon be in the grip of fascism
has it occurred to anyone else that the fall in cases of spontaneous human combustion might be connected to the rise in vaping
November 26, 2024 at 3:25 PM
has it occurred to anyone else that the fall in cases of spontaneous human combustion might be connected to the rise in vaping
Being in ur 30s just hits different.
There was a time when if someone told me they were going to something called “ultrasound”, I’d have seen if I could still get a ticket.
There was a time when if someone told me they were going to something called “ultrasound”, I’d have seen if I could still get a ticket.
November 26, 2024 at 3:12 PM
Being in ur 30s just hits different.
There was a time when if someone told me they were going to something called “ultrasound”, I’d have seen if I could still get a ticket.
There was a time when if someone told me they were going to something called “ultrasound”, I’d have seen if I could still get a ticket.
Reposted by joe
We, as a society, have given the morning people far too much power
September 13, 2023 at 4:42 PM
We, as a society, have given the morning people far too much power
boss explaining spreadsheet:
And the queries go in this column
me, the wokest man alive:
You can’t call them that any more
And the queries go in this column
me, the wokest man alive:
You can’t call them that any more
October 29, 2023 at 12:52 PM
boss explaining spreadsheet:
And the queries go in this column
me, the wokest man alive:
You can’t call them that any more
And the queries go in this column
me, the wokest man alive:
You can’t call them that any more
*life hack*
Dog Prozac is cheaper than human Prozac.
Get a depressed dog (who’s cool w/ sharing) and watch the savings roll in.
Dog Prozac is cheaper than human Prozac.
Get a depressed dog (who’s cool w/ sharing) and watch the savings roll in.
August 27, 2023 at 2:08 PM
*life hack*
Dog Prozac is cheaper than human Prozac.
Get a depressed dog (who’s cool w/ sharing) and watch the savings roll in.
Dog Prozac is cheaper than human Prozac.
Get a depressed dog (who’s cool w/ sharing) and watch the savings roll in.
Reposted by joe
Me at the tattoo shop: yeah I’d like to get something about Drake
Tattoo artist: Cool. Like, lyrics, or…
Me, blown away: I had no idea Sir Francis Drake wrote songs
Tattoo artist: Cool. Like, lyrics, or…
Me, blown away: I had no idea Sir Francis Drake wrote songs
August 24, 2023 at 4:31 PM
Me at the tattoo shop: yeah I’d like to get something about Drake
Tattoo artist: Cool. Like, lyrics, or…
Me, blown away: I had no idea Sir Francis Drake wrote songs
Tattoo artist: Cool. Like, lyrics, or…
Me, blown away: I had no idea Sir Francis Drake wrote songs
Reposted by joe
“Mark! My words!” i yell at Mark, my word butler, who finishes all my sentences bc i have, uhhh…
Mark: “Aphasia, ma’am. You have aphasia.”
Mark: “Aphasia, ma’am. You have aphasia.”
August 24, 2023 at 1:11 PM
“Mark! My words!” i yell at Mark, my word butler, who finishes all my sentences bc i have, uhhh…
Mark: “Aphasia, ma’am. You have aphasia.”
Mark: “Aphasia, ma’am. You have aphasia.”
Reposted by joe
A movie no one ever talks about - it might not even be THAT good - but you still love it. filmsky 📽️🎬
Star Wars (1977)
fun Hidden Fortress remake with a scifi twist made by a still green George Lucas (his 3rd movie) A lesser Alec Guiness vehicle but Peter Cushing is great in this piece of 70s pulp
Star Wars (1977)
fun Hidden Fortress remake with a scifi twist made by a still green George Lucas (his 3rd movie) A lesser Alec Guiness vehicle but Peter Cushing is great in this piece of 70s pulp
August 24, 2023 at 6:00 PM
A movie no one ever talks about - it might not even be THAT good - but you still love it. filmsky 📽️🎬
Star Wars (1977)
fun Hidden Fortress remake with a scifi twist made by a still green George Lucas (his 3rd movie) A lesser Alec Guiness vehicle but Peter Cushing is great in this piece of 70s pulp
Star Wars (1977)
fun Hidden Fortress remake with a scifi twist made by a still green George Lucas (his 3rd movie) A lesser Alec Guiness vehicle but Peter Cushing is great in this piece of 70s pulp
name ideas for a sashimi-only japanese restaurant:
nori seems to be the hardest word
no more mr rice guy
just fucking fish
nori seems to be the hardest word
no more mr rice guy
just fucking fish
August 24, 2023 at 7:10 PM
name ideas for a sashimi-only japanese restaurant:
nori seems to be the hardest word
no more mr rice guy
just fucking fish
nori seems to be the hardest word
no more mr rice guy
just fucking fish
Reposted by joe
heard the dudes a few caves down are working on some sort of ‘tools’ made of stone but i’m not too worried about it
August 23, 2023 at 2:58 PM
heard the dudes a few caves down are working on some sort of ‘tools’ made of stone but i’m not too worried about it
*on a plane as the engines fail*
This is your captain speaking
Women, children, and MileagePlus Premier® members to the emergency exits immediately
This is your captain speaking
Women, children, and MileagePlus Premier® members to the emergency exits immediately
August 23, 2023 at 2:03 PM
*on a plane as the engines fail*
This is your captain speaking
Women, children, and MileagePlus Premier® members to the emergency exits immediately
This is your captain speaking
Women, children, and MileagePlus Premier® members to the emergency exits immediately
Reposted by joe
“I’m not here to make friends,” I said to myself, but within the sacred walls of this Build-a-Bear, I would be proven wrong
August 23, 2023 at 6:12 AM
“I’m not here to make friends,” I said to myself, but within the sacred walls of this Build-a-Bear, I would be proven wrong
waiter: have you dined with us before
me (sweating nervously): yes
waiter: then you know how it works
me (panicking, flailing my knife and fork): i lied. please tell me how this works
me (sweating nervously): yes
waiter: then you know how it works
me (panicking, flailing my knife and fork): i lied. please tell me how this works
August 23, 2023 at 12:47 PM
waiter: have you dined with us before
me (sweating nervously): yes
waiter: then you know how it works
me (panicking, flailing my knife and fork): i lied. please tell me how this works
me (sweating nervously): yes
waiter: then you know how it works
me (panicking, flailing my knife and fork): i lied. please tell me how this works
Reposted by joe
What a week, huh?
August 23, 2023 at 10:18 AM
What a week, huh?
Reposted by joe
Marty: Anything I should know?
Doc Brown: DON'T BANG YOUR MOM, MARTY
Marty: I meant about time travel
Doc Brown: DON'T BANG YOUR MOM, MARTY
Marty: I meant about time travel
August 23, 2023 at 7:15 AM
Marty: Anything I should know?
Doc Brown: DON'T BANG YOUR MOM, MARTY
Marty: I meant about time travel
Doc Brown: DON'T BANG YOUR MOM, MARTY
Marty: I meant about time travel
bluesky in the morning, elon musk’s warning
bluesky at night, jack dorsey’s delight
August 23, 2023 at 8:28 AM
bluesky in the morning, elon musk’s warning
Please. MISTER tambourine man was my father.
August 22, 2023 at 9:08 PM
Please. MISTER tambourine man was my father.
insisting on “declaring an interest” in any takeaway food that gets delivered to the house
August 22, 2023 at 6:28 PM
insisting on “declaring an interest” in any takeaway food that gets delivered to the house
How your email finds me:
enjoying a lil afternoon snack
enjoying a lil afternoon snack
August 22, 2023 at 5:08 PM
How your email finds me:
enjoying a lil afternoon snack
enjoying a lil afternoon snack
Things that are very expensive according to restaurants:
1) prawns
2) guac
3) [most confusingly] rice
1) prawns
2) guac
3) [most confusingly] rice
August 22, 2023 at 3:47 PM
Things that are very expensive according to restaurants:
1) prawns
2) guac
3) [most confusingly] rice
1) prawns
2) guac
3) [most confusingly] rice
9am - boy am I gonna get [task] done today
12pm - plenty of time still to do [task]
6pm - first thing tomorrow’s as good as today
(And repeat)
12pm - plenty of time still to do [task]
6pm - first thing tomorrow’s as good as today
(And repeat)
August 21, 2023 at 6:41 PM
9am - boy am I gonna get [task] done today
12pm - plenty of time still to do [task]
6pm - first thing tomorrow’s as good as today
(And repeat)
12pm - plenty of time still to do [task]
6pm - first thing tomorrow’s as good as today
(And repeat)