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Slouchy

@slouchy.bsky.social

3.5K followers 450 following 93 posts

Like most kangaroos I live a life of crime.

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Slouchy @slouchy.bsky.social · Nov 23

You wake up one day and all the world has turned to Greg. You're surprised, you did not see this coming. In the kitchen your boyfriend Greg greets you with a cup of greg. Greg, he says with a smile. Greg, you answer, and it just feels right, the gregness of it all.

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 14h

Convince your neighbors you own a pet owl by yelling "has anyone seen my pet owl" through their letterbox at 4am

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 14h

Everything is terrible
Everything is taint
Let's form a utopian society
Around all of us eating paint

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 18h

If you want to search a vengeful ghost you need a warrant signed by a grudge but seriously, all the business you have collected so far isn't unfinished enough to be admissable

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 1d

Imaginary conversations will actually unprepare you for nobody else being there

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The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 1d

my dream self made a context appropriate reference to “waiting for godot” while conversing with another dream character and the first thing i said when i awoke was “fucken nerd”

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 2d

I get glitched in the matrix all the time but I don't ask for manager shit cause I'm no Kareanu

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The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 3d

babydoll i recognize
you’re a hideous thing inside

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orcus @goblin.news · 3d

I’m gettin into a full scale shamble gonna find a ditch

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 3d

ALL GODS. ALL MONSTERS. BUY ONE GET ONE WHILE QUANTITIES LAST.

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 4d

My life is too small and I worry it will get lost in the gap behind the refrigerator.

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 8d

I absolutely cannot stop living my life by the #1 rule, which is party

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 8d

calling 911 to report that the body I'm in is definitely not mine

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 3d

it's okay to have fun during spooky month even if you're having a whole spooky life

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 6d

It's ergonomic twister so I'll support your back if you want to rest your foot flat on my face

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 6d

No more emojis. I'm think an updated list of archetypes like the 'office worker' or the 'dancing lady' is something Jung would have wanted.

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · Aug 24

Neither shitposter nor hitposter but a secret absurd thing (fortune pierogi)

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Cap’n Watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · Aug 14

Overdoing “on the other hand” alternatives for dinner to impress my octopus date

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Cap’n Watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · Aug 18

[Morpheus extends a hand, presenting you a choice between pineapple pizza and black licorice]

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 7d

Deleting bits of the body like posts. Oh no my nose.

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 8d

My organs have failed to live up to my expectations.

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🅱️oofessor Killosk 🔪👻 @professorkiosk.wtf · 6d

it's taken billions of years of cosmic evolution but finally finally thank god we get to experience your bullshit 24/7 praise jesus

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orcus @goblin.news · 6d

I have no idea what’s going on or what anyone is talking about but I’m pretty sure cannibalism is probably the best solution

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RM @dorsalstream.bsky.social · Apr 15

The skeleton weeps as the guilty verdict is read out. "Now as to your sentence," the judge says, as heavy flesh begins to envelop the condemned.

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🅱️oofessor Killosk 🔪👻 @professorkiosk.wtf · 6d

some days you write a post so good that everyone ignores it because they don't want to disturb the whole unsung genius vibe you've got going

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