I'm sick of my awesome personality ruining lives and children's parties.

🏆
🤲
please have this

I'm starting a secret society and--fuck

Welp, here it is: maybe the funniest thing we've ever done, in its entirety.

Just found out there was a Norman castellan named Walter FitzAnger, which, by my half-assed sense of etymology, means Walter, SON OF ANGER, and I may be legally changing my name.

I kinda gravitate to

Caution - we're coming for your head
So call the Feds and get files to shred
Every textbook read said bring you the bread
But guess what we got you instead?

*brings updated terms and conditions to a knife fight*

not bsky not mastodon but a secret third thing (cake)

If you noticed I’ve been a little quiet the last few days, here’s why! I’ve been frantically trying to track all the bluesky users getting setup on Mastodon.

Not leaving bluesky (yet), but to be honest the party is kind of over there right now. Check out the world without CEOsars 🤷‍♂️

(On this week’s episode of Breaking Bud)

Judge: There’s nothing in the law that says a dog can’t manufacture methamphetamine!

my pussy is too tight for tampons any time i try to put one in it shoots back out and ricochets off the toilet to insert itself directly into my ass

don't judge a man 'til you've walked a mile in his shoes all the way to the courthouse where you put on a black robe and get your gavel and tell the bailiff to bring in the next defendant and hear their testimony and make a decision by fairly interpreting and applying the law and

Got a COVID booster today, in a sane world a normal medical maintenance thing to do but today it served a quiet entreaty to RFKjr and every last Republican nazi cunt in America to fuck off into a tire fire.

Oh holy shit, I had a year like this one week. ✊ Solidarity.

Drinking Miller lite out of a wine glass who gives a shit anymore

As one of the countless people *actually* cancelled by Bari Weiss, via her vast favor-trading networks of fellow nepotistic gatekeepers in media and publishing, I think both of these asinine dipshits should go fuck themselves.

i’ll never get over how some people pointed out trump was going to do project 2025 and then eventually the media asked trump if he was going to do project 2025 and he said “never heard of it” and the media decided he surely couldn’t be lying about that one

I hate when I’m shitting on liberals and some rando conservative pops up in the comments all excited because they think I’m one of them. Like, oh HELL no, you can get tf outta here even faster Chadley

I’m. So. Tired.

I don’t just want you to pay attention to Chicago because I want you to understand our plight. I want you to see how hard people are fighting and know wtf you’re made of. We’re not just fighting for this place. This is for all of us.

the people who run this website think link is a bigger threat to the safety of the community than jesse singal and are willing to break their own rules to maintain the state of affairs they have created from that worldview

hey man I know the genocide in Gaza is a horror so vast and sickening it’s difficult to fathom let alone behold but at least they’ve got Jared Kushner on it

solidarity! ✊✊✊

Weird thing where people say “no one could have predicted it” when really what they mean is their political commitments and orientation were such that they ignored everyone who was predicting it

Sorry but “no one could have“ and you having your head stuck up your ass are two different situations

The solution to both the lack of a stable social media site for me to post my little sentences and the financial difficulties of the Canadian post office is for the Canadian post office to create a social media site where I can post my little sentences.