Lisa
@xliserx.bsky.social
I sexually identify as a microwave dinner because I’m ready in 5 minutes and look nothing like my photos.
Reposted by Lisa
Whatever you do, don't bring up the marinara's divorce.
December 23, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Whatever you do, don't bring up the marinara's divorce.
Reposted by Lisa
this is the face of a man who is about to end the bird flu epidemic by eating every infected bird
February 26, 2025 at 4:10 AM
this is the face of a man who is about to end the bird flu epidemic by eating every infected bird
Reposted by Lisa
I know pointing out hypocrisy doesn’t matter anymore, but if there’s one person I wouldn’t want to be the judge of who goes into locker rooms, it would be the man who openly boasted about walking into dressing rooms of underage girls
February 6, 2025 at 12:53 AM
I know pointing out hypocrisy doesn’t matter anymore, but if there’s one person I wouldn’t want to be the judge of who goes into locker rooms, it would be the man who openly boasted about walking into dressing rooms of underage girls
Reposted by Lisa
According to this fortune cookie I'm getting fat
"that's an Oreo"
*gasps* then it was right
"that's an Oreo"
*gasps* then it was right
February 3, 2025 at 11:54 AM
According to this fortune cookie I'm getting fat
"that's an Oreo"
*gasps* then it was right
"that's an Oreo"
*gasps* then it was right
Reposted by Lisa
The first Senators to actually do anything about the Trump admin
NEW - Ottawa Senators fans booed the American national anthem at the beginning of tonight’s hockey game.
February 2, 2025 at 1:07 AM
The first Senators to actually do anything about the Trump admin
Reposted by Lisa
I finally saw The Substance last night and I hope Demi wins that Oscar for the MOST UNHINGED performance I’ve ever seen.
January 24, 2025 at 3:42 PM
I finally saw The Substance last night and I hope Demi wins that Oscar for the MOST UNHINGED performance I’ve ever seen.
I want someone to hold onto my memory like my Tupperware holds into Spaghetti Night 2017. “Great times”, he whispers, “I’ll never let go, no matter how hard you try to scrub it away.”
January 24, 2025 at 1:32 PM
I want someone to hold onto my memory like my Tupperware holds into Spaghetti Night 2017. “Great times”, he whispers, “I’ll never let go, no matter how hard you try to scrub it away.”
Reposted by Lisa
In times like this it’s good to do little things for your mental health. Go for a walk. Yell into the abyss. Eat a cupcake. Do your little turn. On. The. Catwalk. Yeah, shake your little tush on the catwalk.
January 23, 2025 at 2:46 PM
In times like this it’s good to do little things for your mental health. Go for a walk. Yell into the abyss. Eat a cupcake. Do your little turn. On. The. Catwalk. Yeah, shake your little tush on the catwalk.
Dry January 2025 = Every woman’s vagina when approached by a man.
January 23, 2025 at 3:42 PM
Dry January 2025 = Every woman’s vagina when approached by a man.
I heard Zuck, Bezos & Musk tried to have a dick measuring contest but they couldn’t find a ruler small enough.
January 23, 2025 at 12:23 PM
I heard Zuck, Bezos & Musk tried to have a dick measuring contest but they couldn’t find a ruler small enough.
Reposted by Lisa
CAPTCHA: are you a human
ME: yes
CAPTCHA: oh i am so sorry
ME: yes
CAPTCHA: oh i am so sorry
January 23, 2025 at 3:58 AM
CAPTCHA: are you a human
ME: yes
CAPTCHA: oh i am so sorry
ME: yes
CAPTCHA: oh i am so sorry
Reposted by Lisa
Some fascinating things happening on Reddit. 22,000 upvotes on the subreddit dedicated to posting pictures of houses that are over 100 years old.
January 23, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Some fascinating things happening on Reddit. 22,000 upvotes on the subreddit dedicated to posting pictures of houses that are over 100 years old.
Reposted by Lisa
Olive Garden told me I was adopted
January 22, 2025 at 5:30 PM
Olive Garden told me I was adopted
Women, POC, and those in the LBGTQ+ rainbow are NOT second rate citizens. We are equal, full human beings, and 10000x worthy of equal rights and respect. Anyone who doesn’t feel the same can GTFO.
January 23, 2025 at 11:58 AM
Women, POC, and those in the LBGTQ+ rainbow are NOT second rate citizens. We are equal, full human beings, and 10000x worthy of equal rights and respect. Anyone who doesn’t feel the same can GTFO.
“Are you there, god? It’s me, Margaret. I know you didn’t intervene in countless world wars, famines, droughts, plagues, wildfires, etc…but if you could do me a solid and rig this sports game in my favour that would be great. All the speeches say you love influencing local sports.”
January 14, 2025 at 2:21 PM
“Are you there, god? It’s me, Margaret. I know you didn’t intervene in countless world wars, famines, droughts, plagues, wildfires, etc…but if you could do me a solid and rig this sports game in my favour that would be great. All the speeches say you love influencing local sports.”
Reposted by Lisa
They should make a second car horn as an "apology horn" for when you realize you shouldn't have honked or it was an accident.
January 13, 2025 at 1:52 AM
They should make a second car horn as an "apology horn" for when you realize you shouldn't have honked or it was an accident.
Some of my most favourite memories are from Los Angeles. Thinking of my friends there and all the people affected by this incredible tragedy. Even when the flames are extinguished there will be a decade + of rebuilding such an iconic place. Our support and compassion shouldn’t end with the fire.
January 9, 2025 at 2:13 PM
Some of my most favourite memories are from Los Angeles. Thinking of my friends there and all the people affected by this incredible tragedy. Even when the flames are extinguished there will be a decade + of rebuilding such an iconic place. Our support and compassion shouldn’t end with the fire.
Reposted by Lisa
me: so why didn’t Ariel just write a note to the Prince after she lost her voice to let him know what Ursula did to her? i mean she signed the contract so we know she can write..
waiter: ma’am i meant any questions about the menu
waiter: ma’am i meant any questions about the menu
December 31, 2024 at 1:53 AM
me: so why didn’t Ariel just write a note to the Prince after she lost her voice to let him know what Ursula did to her? i mean she signed the contract so we know she can write..
waiter: ma’am i meant any questions about the menu
waiter: ma’am i meant any questions about the menu
My ugly sweater is beautiful on the inside.
*Whispers* It’s me. I’m the inside.
*Whispers* It’s me. I’m the inside.
December 16, 2024 at 4:36 AM
My ugly sweater is beautiful on the inside.
*Whispers* It’s me. I’m the inside.
*Whispers* It’s me. I’m the inside.
Reposted by Lisa
him: my dad left when I was younger, around 7
me: before rush hour, smart move
me: before rush hour, smart move
December 4, 2024 at 7:40 PM
him: my dad left when I was younger, around 7
me: before rush hour, smart move
me: before rush hour, smart move
Reposted by Lisa
Fuck you, ocean. If you have something to say, say it to my face instead of through a shell, you stupid piece of shit.
November 29, 2024 at 4:20 PM
Fuck you, ocean. If you have something to say, say it to my face instead of through a shell, you stupid piece of shit.
Say what you will about AI writing movies, they’ll never capture the magical WTF that is the plot of Dead Ringers:
November 28, 2024 at 12:15 AM
Say what you will about AI writing movies, they’ll never capture the magical WTF that is the plot of Dead Ringers:
Listen, retailers: I wanted to buy a simple cardigan, not enter into a lifetime penpal relationship where I don’t write you back but you still get me every birthday, Christmas, Hanukkah, and days that end in “y”.
November 23, 2024 at 4:33 AM
Listen, retailers: I wanted to buy a simple cardigan, not enter into a lifetime penpal relationship where I don’t write you back but you still get me every birthday, Christmas, Hanukkah, and days that end in “y”.
I’ve never wanted anything as much as this guy didn’t want to be touched by anything with less than two legs.
November 21, 2024 at 12:46 PM
I’ve never wanted anything as much as this guy didn’t want to be touched by anything with less than two legs.