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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social

7.8K followers 1.1K following 7.6K posts

I love Peeps, Miracle Whip, Pepsi, pineapple on pizza, and bleu cheese. I'm basically perfect. Pfp by onehourlate My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m

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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · Mar 9

Joggers? Oh no, dear. These are sitters.

1 91 200

Reposted by Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

Marloween @marlebean.bsky.social · 6d

Working at the bank is:
10% bank transactions
87% helping clients reset their password
40% typing numbers without looking
24% accuracy

8 25 170

Reposted by Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

Marloween @marlebean.bsky.social · 7d

Got fingerprinted for my new job!
They were so nice; the police were even there escorting me. So sweet

3 17 110

Reposted by Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

ficklenuts has a pair of normal entiddies 👻 @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 12h

It’s not a free country until I can order hookers & blow on DoorDash

7 30 95

Reposted by Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 12h

I'm sick of my awesome personality ruining lives and children's parties.

2 32 110

Twin Dad But SpoOooOky @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 12h

😏

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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 13h

Mmmmmm. S’mAmys

1 1

Reposted by Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 16h

upon my death i request to be placed in a clawfoot tub filled with marshmallows and suspended over a fire so people can make s’mores out of me

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 14h

If there isn’t a workout place called Gym and Juice, I’m simply not built for this world.

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 14h

My most hilarious posts get the fewest likes, it’s science.

9 41 180

Reposted by Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

Los 🥑 @los-los.bsky.social · 1d

bsky feature that tells drivers when on an on ramp to speed the fuck up cuz you’re about to get on a freeway

5 20 81

Reposted by Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 1d

Burying some 12-foot skeletons in my garden just to fuck with future archaeologists.

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 1d

I know more things about my job than I would like to

8 26 94

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 15h

Befriending coworkers purely to secure their chili recipe and dominate the 2025 Great Corporate Chili Showdown.

8 17 78

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Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 17h

One time my son put canola oil on his slip n slide and he didn’t tell me until I asked him why he was shiny and smelled like fried chicken.

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Reposted by Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

GᵣₐbₜₕₑWₑₙₑₛₛ @ayankdownunder.bsky.social · 16h

I'm honestly going to miss all of you who are going to Mastodon.

But it's comforting to know you're only a 2-hour account setup away.

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Reposted by Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

Queen RanDumb @invisihole.bsky.social · 1d

Had a dream a hot dog was singing Celine Dion to me. So now it's been established the sort of day I'm going to have, gonna go stick my head in the toilet.