Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
I love Peeps, Miracle Whip, Pepsi, pineapple on pizza, and bleu cheese. I'm basically perfect.
Pfp by onehourlate
My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
Pfp by onehourlate
My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
Pinned
Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
· Mar 9
Joggers? Oh no, dear. These are sitters.
Reposted by Twin Dad
I think it’s funny to find things that look like vaginas. It’s just funny to me, like I’m 12.
November 25, 2025 at 11:31 PM
I think it’s funny to find things that look like vaginas. It’s just funny to me, like I’m 12.
Reposted by Twin Dad
It's called Black Friday because you're only going to purchase black clothing and you know it.
November 26, 2025 at 2:52 PM
It's called Black Friday because you're only going to purchase black clothing and you know it.
Reposted by Twin Dad
I am the human equivalent of a shopping cart with one broken wheel
November 26, 2025 at 2:50 PM
I am the human equivalent of a shopping cart with one broken wheel
Reposted by Twin Dad
The greatest lie the devil ever told is that shower sex is great
November 25, 2025 at 9:13 PM
The greatest lie the devil ever told is that shower sex is great
Reposted by Twin Dad
*pronounces tomatoes like comatose*
November 26, 2025 at 12:10 AM
*pronounces tomatoes like comatose*
Reposted by Twin Dad
I have a tiby surplus of money to spend on either body lotion or liquor.
Soft or drunk.
What a dilemma.
I'm losingmy mind. You all get to watch.
Soft or drunk.
What a dilemma.
I'm losingmy mind. You all get to watch.
November 26, 2025 at 5:39 AM
I have a tiby surplus of money to spend on either body lotion or liquor.
Soft or drunk.
What a dilemma.
I'm losingmy mind. You all get to watch.
Soft or drunk.
What a dilemma.
I'm losingmy mind. You all get to watch.
Reposted by Twin Dad
I am going to be digging grains of rice out from between the couch cushions until I die.
November 26, 2025 at 5:29 AM
I am going to be digging grains of rice out from between the couch cushions until I die.
Reposted by Twin Dad
TIL you’re legally allowed to eat human flesh in Germany, as long as you don’t murder anyone to do it.
November 26, 2025 at 5:07 AM
TIL you’re legally allowed to eat human flesh in Germany, as long as you don’t murder anyone to do it.
Reposted by Twin Dad
They should invent an email that doesn't find me at all
November 25, 2025 at 5:45 PM
They should invent an email that doesn't find me at all
Reposted by Twin Dad
why does the most awkward person in every sitcom seem to be based on someone like me
November 22, 2025 at 1:38 PM
why does the most awkward person in every sitcom seem to be based on someone like me
I struggle to repost anything with poor punctuation.
November 26, 2025 at 5:31 AM
I struggle to repost anything with poor punctuation.
Reposted by Twin Dad
Once again, without hesitation, I look at my phone and press "update all".
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space.
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space.
November 22, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Once again, without hesitation, I look at my phone and press "update all".
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space.
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space.
Reposted by Twin Dad
If I'm being honest I stopped circling back like 5 years ago
November 25, 2025 at 11:35 PM
If I'm being honest I stopped circling back like 5 years ago
Reposted by Twin Dad
cranberry sauce candy corn
November 26, 2025 at 5:03 AM
cranberry sauce candy corn
Reposted by Twin Dad
Bought her a new vibrator that was powered by AI and it kept trying to force itself into her mouth
November 25, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Bought her a new vibrator that was powered by AI and it kept trying to force itself into her mouth
Reposted by Twin Dad
Me: *panicking*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
November 25, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Me: *panicking*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
Reposted by Twin Dad
Imagine finding out immigrants aren’t the reason for everything that’s wrong with your life after all and you’re just a piece of shit
November 25, 2025 at 5:36 PM
Imagine finding out immigrants aren’t the reason for everything that’s wrong with your life after all and you’re just a piece of shit
Reposted by Twin Dad
Welcome to your 40s. Hope you like discovering new moles to stress over.
November 24, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Welcome to your 40s. Hope you like discovering new moles to stress over.
Reposted by Twin Dad
Help, I’m chunky and I can’t stop eating
November 24, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Help, I’m chunky and I can’t stop eating
Reposted by Twin Dad
kids don’t build bike jumps to jump over other kids anymore and maybe that’s what’s wrong with this country
November 25, 2025 at 5:32 PM
kids don’t build bike jumps to jump over other kids anymore and maybe that’s what’s wrong with this country
Reposted by Twin Dad
Already broke into the charcuterie.
November 25, 2025 at 5:28 PM
Already broke into the charcuterie.
Reposted by Twin Dad
I live downhill from the best salon in town and this is a hill I'm willing to dye on
November 25, 2025 at 5:22 PM
I live downhill from the best salon in town and this is a hill I'm willing to dye on
Reposted by Twin Dad
My best replies are to deleted posts.
November 19, 2025 at 9:25 PM
My best replies are to deleted posts.
Reposted by Twin Dad
*making chomping noises while going down on her*
November 24, 2025 at 12:22 AM
*making chomping noises while going down on her*