Just a Lil Harmless Avocado
@harmlessavocado.bsky.social
Iffy dating advice from an adorable avocado
Me at the Walgreens:
Hyaluronic. It’s spelled H - Y - A - L — yes this is a real thing! — U - R…
Hyaluronic. It’s spelled H - Y - A - L — yes this is a real thing! — U - R…
oh fuck yeah we are Olympics maxxing already
February 6, 2026 at 2:07 AM
Me at the Walgreens:
Hyaluronic. It’s spelled H - Y - A - L — yes this is a real thing! — U - R…
Hyaluronic. It’s spelled H - Y - A - L — yes this is a real thing! — U - R…
Reposted by Just a Lil Harmless Avocado
Public Health! It's Relentless!
I have to admit, thanks to these relentless posts, I changed our smoke alarm. The previous one was installed in 2005, according to the information inside it.
February 5, 2026 at 6:09 PM
Public Health! It's Relentless!
If you see this post a character that starts with S. (Simon, not Maddie)
February 5, 2026 at 6:59 AM
If you see this post a character that starts with S. (Simon, not Maddie)
Oddly enough, evergreen skeet.
HE DIED FROM A NUT WOUND
HE DIED FROM A NUT WOUND
February 5, 2026 at 6:00 AM
Oddly enough, evergreen skeet.
I don’t even know why my parents named me my name. “We just liked the sound of it”
Introduce yourself with the name your parents almost gave you:
Christopher
Christopher
Introduce yourself with the name your parents almost gave you:
Elliott
Elliott
February 5, 2026 at 1:51 AM
I don’t even know why my parents named me my name. “We just liked the sound of it”
[extremely Ricky Martin/William Hung voice]
“She blows! She blows”
“oh baby! when she moves, she moves!”
“She blows! She blows”
“oh baby! when she moves, she moves!”
There she blows! there! there! there! she blows! she blows!
February 5, 2026 at 12:16 AM
[extremely Ricky Martin/William Hung voice]
“She blows! She blows”
“oh baby! when she moves, she moves!”
“She blows! She blows”
“oh baby! when she moves, she moves!”
Reposted by Just a Lil Harmless Avocado
Whoops I almost forgot to wish you all a happy Star Wars Day. February the 4th be with you.
February 4, 2026 at 11:51 PM
Whoops I almost forgot to wish you all a happy Star Wars Day. February the 4th be with you.
There was a post about OnlyFans use in Texas with breakouts by county. Posted it to the local gossip page and someone is all “How dare you question my prerogative!?”
February 4, 2026 at 11:41 PM
There was a post about OnlyFans use in Texas with breakouts by county. Posted it to the local gossip page and someone is all “How dare you question my prerogative!?”
Reposted by Just a Lil Harmless Avocado
Aw, that's a shame. All of them, you say?
February 4, 2026 at 10:21 PM
Aw, that's a shame. All of them, you say?
First of all, it’s Frodo and Sauron who are gonna fuck in an enemy to lovers plot line. Those take a while.
‘Lord Of The Rings’ Reader Can’t Believe How Long It Taking Sam And Frodo To Fuck https://theonion.com/lord-of-the-rings-reader-cant-believe-how-long-it-taking-sam-and-frodo-to-fuck/
February 4, 2026 at 11:07 PM
First of all, it’s Frodo and Sauron who are gonna fuck in an enemy to lovers plot line. Those take a while.
You know what helps work overload and burnout? Firing people.
Breaking News: A federal prosecutor was said to have been fired after an outburst over the caseload brought on by the immigration crackdown.
Prosecutor Fired After Voicing Frustration With Immigration Caseload
The prosecutor, Julie T. Le, told a judge that she and her colleagues in the U.S. attorney’s office were overwhelmed by the White House’s immigration operation in Minnesota.
nyti.ms
February 4, 2026 at 9:32 PM
You know what helps work overload and burnout? Firing people.
“When there’s fewer footprints, that’s when Jesus is carrying them”
a Republican witness in the GOP's "Somali Scammers" hearing details how he drives by childcare centers and looks at how many footprints in the snow there are to determine how many kids are there. Psycho stuff.
February 4, 2026 at 9:29 PM
“When there’s fewer footprints, that’s when Jesus is carrying them”
Got the kids in for their checkup and …
1) They think AvoKiddo3 has sleep apnea. In addition to the hole in his aorta.
2) AvoKiddo4 has been complaining about joints hurting and so they’re doing tests for Juvenile Arthritis.
What a fucking great day.
1) They think AvoKiddo3 has sleep apnea. In addition to the hole in his aorta.
2) AvoKiddo4 has been complaining about joints hurting and so they’re doing tests for Juvenile Arthritis.
What a fucking great day.
February 4, 2026 at 5:02 PM
Got the kids in for their checkup and …
1) They think AvoKiddo3 has sleep apnea. In addition to the hole in his aorta.
2) AvoKiddo4 has been complaining about joints hurting and so they’re doing tests for Juvenile Arthritis.
What a fucking great day.
1) They think AvoKiddo3 has sleep apnea. In addition to the hole in his aorta.
2) AvoKiddo4 has been complaining about joints hurting and so they’re doing tests for Juvenile Arthritis.
What a fucking great day.
I did not realize there’s new MOCK THE WEEK!!! Via TLC? Not seeing it on Hulu or BritBox.
Where do I find it?
Where do I find it?
February 4, 2026 at 5:07 AM
I did not realize there’s new MOCK THE WEEK!!! Via TLC? Not seeing it on Hulu or BritBox.
Where do I find it?
Where do I find it?
Comedian I do not understand the appeal of: Anjelah Johnson. I’ve even watched her nail shop sketch, which is supposed to be her high point and just nothing hits.
And I’m not sure if it’s her delivery or her writing.
And I’m not sure if it’s her delivery or her writing.
February 4, 2026 at 3:41 AM
Comedian I do not understand the appeal of: Anjelah Johnson. I’ve even watched her nail shop sketch, which is supposed to be her high point and just nothing hits.
And I’m not sure if it’s her delivery or her writing.
And I’m not sure if it’s her delivery or her writing.
For some reason in have unexpired cheddar bay biscuit mix (from my ex certainly) so I made it and dang if those aren’t decent.
February 4, 2026 at 3:37 AM
For some reason in have unexpired cheddar bay biscuit mix (from my ex certainly) so I made it and dang if those aren’t decent.
Somebody from the daughters of the American Revolution wants me to post the recipients of their good citizenship award on Facebook.
I don’t like the group on principal. But I feel like a little bit of an asshole declining them.
I don’t like the group on principal. But I feel like a little bit of an asshole declining them.
February 3, 2026 at 4:02 AM
Somebody from the daughters of the American Revolution wants me to post the recipients of their good citizenship award on Facebook.
I don’t like the group on principal. But I feel like a little bit of an asshole declining them.
I don’t like the group on principal. But I feel like a little bit of an asshole declining them.
From what I’ve seen, they seem to have come over in the 1840s so likely the German Civil War from then.
Genuinely curious: If your family is American, what brought them here?
Mine: religious nuttery & primogeniture
Mine: religious nuttery & primogeniture
February 3, 2026 at 12:42 AM
From what I’ve seen, they seem to have come over in the 1840s so likely the German Civil War from then.
Subway cold cut footlong but all the bread is cut perpendicular and served like 12 tiny sandwiches.
February 3, 2026 at 12:30 AM
Subway cold cut footlong but all the bread is cut perpendicular and served like 12 tiny sandwiches.
I like to imagine the conversations two old skeletons sitting in my house have about the living residents.
February 3, 2026 at 12:27 AM
I like to imagine the conversations two old skeletons sitting in my house have about the living residents.
When you break up after you’ve ordered the card already.
February 3, 2026 at 12:06 AM
When you break up after you’ve ordered the card already.
I don’t belove him. That fucker knows what he did.
Beloved groundhog Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow this morning to predict that more winter lies ahead. This year, Phil’s legendary prediction follows an exceptionally cold and snowy month across the eastern U.S.
February 2, 2026 at 5:47 PM
I don’t belove him. That fucker knows what he did.
Reposted by Just a Lil Harmless Avocado
Punxsutawney Phil is merely an elected official, please stop fedposting threats and get out there and primary him.
February 2, 2026 at 1:36 PM
Punxsutawney Phil is merely an elected official, please stop fedposting threats and get out there and primary him.
As a tough, bitter raisin, my exclusion from this cereal was the heartbreak of my childhood.
Raisin Bran Chex (1967-1972): Classic bran Chex, with the addition of "sweet, tender raisins"
February 2, 2026 at 3:06 PM
As a tough, bitter raisin, my exclusion from this cereal was the heartbreak of my childhood.
Maybe it will happen six weeks from today.
February 2, 2026 at 2:23 PM
Maybe it will happen six weeks from today.