John Cougar Melonfarmer
@shinyfailure.bsky.social
America’s Most Trusted Fart Source
Pinned
But Doctor, *I* am Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
No nightmare blunt rotation is complete without the one person you’re actually staying there to smoke with
Democratic Presidential Polling:
🔵 Harris 34%
🔵 Newsom 20%
🔵 Shapiro 10%
🔵 Buttigieg 10%
🔵 AOC 7%
🔵 Booker 6%
🔵 Moore 3%
Rasmussen / Jan 27, 2026
🔵 Harris 34%
🔵 Newsom 20%
🔵 Shapiro 10%
🔵 Buttigieg 10%
🔵 AOC 7%
🔵 Booker 6%
🔵 Moore 3%
Rasmussen / Jan 27, 2026
February 5, 2026 at 4:30 AM
No nightmare blunt rotation is complete without the one person you’re actually staying there to smoke with
“(Don’t Worry) If There’s a Hell Below We’re All Going to Go” by Curtis Mayfield
Deleted a post about “what’s your least favorite song” because the vibes are bad enough already.
Instead: what’s your favorite song that has a long title, say at least 6 words long?
Mine: “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” (Pearl Jam)
Instead: what’s your favorite song that has a long title, say at least 6 words long?
Mine: “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” (Pearl Jam)
February 4, 2026 at 5:55 PM
“(Don’t Worry) If There’s a Hell Below We’re All Going to Go” by Curtis Mayfield
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
just ran through a brick wall after watching this
January 31, 2026 at 12:10 AM
just ran through a brick wall after watching this
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
my grandmother, an Auschwitz survivor, was Anne Frank’s neighbor in Amsterdam, and Oma thinks this comparison is perfectly apt
The Minnesota governor is getting widespread criticism for comparing children dealing with immigration enforcement to Holocaust victim Anne Frank.
Tim Walz condemned for comparing Minnesota children to Anne Frank
The Minnesota governor is getting widespread criticism for comparing children dealing with immigration enforcement to Holocaust victim Anne Frank.
bit.ly
January 28, 2026 at 2:37 AM
my grandmother, an Auschwitz survivor, was Anne Frank’s neighbor in Amsterdam, and Oma thinks this comparison is perfectly apt
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
*frantically googling*
moral arc bent wrong how to fix
wikihow diy moral arc fix
moral arc technician near me
moral arc bent wrong how to fix
wikihow diy moral arc fix
moral arc technician near me
Who up bending they arc toward justice
January 19, 2026 at 8:38 PM
*frantically googling*
moral arc bent wrong how to fix
wikihow diy moral arc fix
moral arc technician near me
moral arc bent wrong how to fix
wikihow diy moral arc fix
moral arc technician near me
This looks like the poster for the worst romcom ever
European Union lawmakers are poised to block approval of the EU’s trade deal with the US over President Donald Trump’s vow to impose tariffs on countries that supported Greenland in the face of American threats.
EU Set to Halt US Trade Deal Over Trump’s Latest Tariff Threat
European Union lawmakers are poised to block approval of the EU’s trade deal with the US over President Donald Trump’s vow to impose tariffs on countries that supported Greenland in the face of American threats.
bloom.bg
January 18, 2026 at 4:26 PM
This looks like the poster for the worst romcom ever
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
To all my fellow Buffalo folks, I’m sorry the Cigarette Smoking Man struck again…
January 18, 2026 at 1:35 AM
To all my fellow Buffalo folks, I’m sorry the Cigarette Smoking Man struck again…
I’ll tell you what: if he can find Greenland on an unlabeled map, I’ll let him have his invasion.
January 18, 2026 at 1:38 AM
I’ll tell you what: if he can find Greenland on an unlabeled map, I’ll let him have his invasion.
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
The only powerful public figure who ever actually defunded the Police was Sting.
January 14, 2026 at 10:27 PM
The only powerful public figure who ever actually defunded the Police was Sting.
We all should have been way more suspicious when they named it “Department of *Homeland* Security”. Straight up sounds like Nazi shit.
January 15, 2026 at 7:01 PM
We all should have been way more suspicious when they named it “Department of *Homeland* Security”. Straight up sounds like Nazi shit.
Introduce yourself with 1:
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Robocop
Perdido Street Station
Severance
Paul’s Boutique
Watchmen
Diablo 4
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Robocop
Perdido Street Station
Severance
Paul’s Boutique
Watchmen
Diablo 4
Introduce yourself with 1:
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Lord of the Rings (any of the movies, not including the Hobbit in this)
Grapes of Wrath
Twin Peaks
Speaking in Tongues by Talking Heads
Garfield (ironically and unironically)
Ocarina of Time and/or Breath of the Wild
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Lord of the Rings (any of the movies, not including the Hobbit in this)
Grapes of Wrath
Twin Peaks
Speaking in Tongues by Talking Heads
Garfield (ironically and unironically)
Ocarina of Time and/or Breath of the Wild
Introduce yourself with 1:
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Hausu
The Haunting of Hill House
Dark Shadows
Unknown Pleasures
Calvin & Hobbes
Assassin’s Creed: Origins
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Hausu
The Haunting of Hill House
Dark Shadows
Unknown Pleasures
Calvin & Hobbes
Assassin’s Creed: Origins
January 13, 2026 at 5:12 AM
Introduce yourself with 1:
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Robocop
Perdido Street Station
Severance
Paul’s Boutique
Watchmen
Diablo 4
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Robocop
Perdido Street Station
Severance
Paul’s Boutique
Watchmen
Diablo 4
Bit on the nose, innit
January 12, 2026 at 6:38 PM
Bit on the nose, innit
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
stepped outside for a vibe check and saw a beast fuckin hauling ass towards Bethlehem
January 12, 2026 at 4:31 AM
stepped outside for a vibe check and saw a beast fuckin hauling ass towards Bethlehem
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
Really, ChatGPT is just giving you a luxury experience that is normally only accessible to the rich and powerful -- the experience of filling your life with butt-kissing and sycophancy until you completely lose touch with reality.
January 7, 2026 at 11:01 PM
Really, ChatGPT is just giving you a luxury experience that is normally only accessible to the rich and powerful -- the experience of filling your life with butt-kissing and sycophancy until you completely lose touch with reality.
There’s a very real possibility that the Trump DOJ can’t get a conviction on Maduro because they’re laughably incompetent
January 5, 2026 at 9:28 PM
There’s a very real possibility that the Trump DOJ can’t get a conviction on Maduro because they’re laughably incompetent
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
living in this country is like being awake on the table
January 3, 2026 at 6:10 PM
living in this country is like being awake on the table
They’ve just skipped right past the whole “manufacturing consent” step
I feel like I haven’t even been properly lied to about the purposes of this war
January 3, 2026 at 3:56 PM
They’ve just skipped right past the whole “manufacturing consent” step
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
It’s absolutely crazy how awful X, or Twitter, is now. The Grok stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. I went over there for five minutes to do my banking and it was absolutely appalling.
January 3, 2026 at 3:22 AM
It’s absolutely crazy how awful X, or Twitter, is now. The Grok stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. I went over there for five minutes to do my banking and it was absolutely appalling.
Death to 2025
January 1, 2026 at 7:20 AM
Death to 2025
December 31, 2025 at 8:47 PM
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
My new year's resolution this year, as every year, is to be a more available, supportive friend as well as an increasingly looming, formidable enemy.
December 27, 2025 at 5:13 PM
My new year's resolution this year, as every year, is to be a more available, supportive friend as well as an increasingly looming, formidable enemy.
Temu Waititi
December 29, 2025 at 10:25 PM
Temu Waititi
A wine bar named Quarkage Fee
You’ve just opened up a Star Trek Themed Restaurant.
What are you calling it?
What are you calling it?
ncc-1701-g is written on the side of a spaceship
ALT: ncc-1701-g is written on the side of a spaceship
media.tenor.com
December 28, 2025 at 3:30 AM
A wine bar named Quarkage Fee