alber
@captainacab.airbud.website
not really a dog. reposts = official CDC recommendations. he/him
CDC style guide: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaamfdxuzasv6
CDC style guide: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaamfdxuzasv6
Pinned
alber
@captainacab.airbud.website
· Oct 10
keep talkin asshole i’m pinning this entire thread
Reposted by alber
it’s so insulting for dallas to call the cowboys “americas team” after killing kennedy
November 23, 2025 at 11:54 PM
it’s so insulting for dallas to call the cowboys “americas team” after killing kennedy
Reposted by alber
I'll bet when RFK Jr cums it sounds like a tractor engine throwing a rod.
July 6, 2025 at 2:03 AM
I'll bet when RFK Jr cums it sounds like a tractor engine throwing a rod.
fellas, find you a girl who won’t sacrifice anything at all for you
bro I ain't risking a tummyache for him
November 23, 2025 at 11:22 PM
fellas, find you a girl who won’t sacrifice anything at all for you
do you think rfk jrs dick is more like a pork rind or a bully stick
November 23, 2025 at 11:21 PM
do you think rfk jrs dick is more like a pork rind or a bully stick
Reposted by alber
poppin' a Lactaid before giving head just in case
November 23, 2025 at 10:58 PM
poppin' a Lactaid before giving head just in case
Reposted by alber
your mom's new French lover at the door like, "oui allô, I am ze here to Bone Maman???"
November 21, 2025 at 4:23 PM
your mom's new French lover at the door like, "oui allô, I am ze here to Bone Maman???"
Reposted by alber
Thanksgiving toast idea:
Yr open mouth awaiting my harvest. Drink from me Love!
Yr open mouth awaiting my harvest. Drink from me Love!
November 22, 2025 at 5:36 PM
Thanksgiving toast idea:
Yr open mouth awaiting my harvest. Drink from me Love!
Yr open mouth awaiting my harvest. Drink from me Love!
oh you don’t like (traditional thanksgiving dish) ???
oh well it’s just because you’ve never tried it (the really shitty way i like it)
oh well it’s just because you’ve never tried it (the really shitty way i like it)
November 23, 2025 at 8:04 PM
oh you don’t like (traditional thanksgiving dish) ???
oh well it’s just because you’ve never tried it (the really shitty way i like it)
oh well it’s just because you’ve never tried it (the really shitty way i like it)
Reposted by alber
menthols are proof that lungs have tastebuds
November 23, 2025 at 7:53 PM
menthols are proof that lungs have tastebuds
Reposted by alber
I don’t think this Kweli business would be such a big deal if we had more unhinged celebrities on here. I think Patton oswalt or Alex winters needs to take one for the team and whip out their wieners or something to get us all back on track
November 23, 2025 at 7:36 PM
I don’t think this Kweli business would be such a big deal if we had more unhinged celebrities on here. I think Patton oswalt or Alex winters needs to take one for the team and whip out their wieners or something to get us all back on track
Reposted by alber
Reposted by alber
Muting every word in the English language after this
November 23, 2025 at 4:02 AM
Muting every word in the English language after this
Reposted by alber
sorry i’m just now seeing this. did you still want my mouth open awaiting your harvest or
November 22, 2025 at 6:48 PM
sorry i’m just now seeing this. did you still want my mouth open awaiting your harvest or
Reposted by alber
Reposted by alber
RFK Jr. sexting in 40-point font
November 22, 2025 at 7:18 PM
RFK Jr. sexting in 40-point font
Reposted by alber
I kept referring to blue-titted warblers this morning before I realized that I'd turned a dirty-sounding bird name into an actual dirty bird name.
November 22, 2025 at 7:08 PM
I kept referring to blue-titted warblers this morning before I realized that I'd turned a dirty-sounding bird name into an actual dirty bird name.
Reposted by alber
Reposted by alber
Reposted by alber
mfing Whoville lookin’ ass cabinet, this jusy ruined my whole god dam day smfh fuck this shit
November 22, 2025 at 6:17 PM
mfing Whoville lookin’ ass cabinet, this jusy ruined my whole god dam day smfh fuck this shit
sorry i’m just now seeing this. did you still want my mouth open awaiting your harvest or
November 22, 2025 at 6:48 PM
sorry i’m just now seeing this. did you still want my mouth open awaiting your harvest or
Reposted by alber
a fun thanksgiving ice breaker is to go around the table and rate everyone by hotness. it’s fine if no one else wants to play
November 20, 2025 at 11:16 PM
a fun thanksgiving ice breaker is to go around the table and rate everyone by hotness. it’s fine if no one else wants to play
Reposted by alber
I feel like a lot of us in the comedy world failed the world at large when we stayed silent despite knowing all about Cosby and Louis so let me say right now that Steve Martin has eaten one banjo a year for the last 25 years
November 22, 2025 at 5:00 AM
I feel like a lot of us in the comedy world failed the world at large when we stayed silent despite knowing all about Cosby and Louis so let me say right now that Steve Martin has eaten one banjo a year for the last 25 years
Reposted by alber
trump sobbing as they force him into the sensory deprivation tank with stephen miller to turn him back evil
November 22, 2025 at 4:45 AM
trump sobbing as they force him into the sensory deprivation tank with stephen miller to turn him back evil
Reposted by alber
MTG should have to go give scared straight lectures at high schools about looking at your phone too much
November 22, 2025 at 4:55 AM
MTG should have to go give scared straight lectures at high schools about looking at your phone too much
Reposted by alber
everyone thinks rocket scientists are s-tier smart but i bet frog scientists are smarter than 99% of people
November 22, 2025 at 3:37 AM
everyone thinks rocket scientists are s-tier smart but i bet frog scientists are smarter than 99% of people