Firebolt, Attorney at Claw
@iamthatdork.bsky.social
Attorney. Pragmatic idealist. MN bound, CO now
Introduce yourself with what almost killed you:
Dove through a large, tall pool floaty and got stuck with my head in said pool. Fam probably made it worse by trying to overturn it.
Dove through a large, tall pool floaty and got stuck with my head in said pool. Fam probably made it worse by trying to overturn it.
Introduce yourself with what almost killed you:
Pneumonia with a loculated pleural effusion your GP missed because “idk brah drink fluids and take Tylenol, don’t be a pussy” isn’t a treatment plan
Pneumonia with a loculated pleural effusion your GP missed because “idk brah drink fluids and take Tylenol, don’t be a pussy” isn’t a treatment plan
Introduce yourself with what almost killed you:
Hi, I’m a borrowed van with failing brakes and a midnight colored female moose on the highway.
Hi, I’m a borrowed van with failing brakes and a midnight colored female moose on the highway.
January 3, 2026 at 6:25 AM
Introduce yourself with what almost killed you:
Dove through a large, tall pool floaty and got stuck with my head in said pool. Fam probably made it worse by trying to overturn it.
Dove through a large, tall pool floaty and got stuck with my head in said pool. Fam probably made it worse by trying to overturn it.
Reposted by Firebolt, Attorney at Claw
What is the most "wtf" song a streaming service has dropped into a station you were listening to?
Mine is when "Fly" by Sugar Ray played on a NIN station
Mine is when "Fly" by Sugar Ray played on a NIN station
January 3, 2026 at 2:04 AM
What is the most "wtf" song a streaming service has dropped into a station you were listening to?
Mine is when "Fly" by Sugar Ray played on a NIN station
Mine is when "Fly" by Sugar Ray played on a NIN station
What is the most "wtf" song a streaming service has dropped into a station you were listening to?
Mine is when "Fly" by Sugar Ray played on a NIN station
Mine is when "Fly" by Sugar Ray played on a NIN station
January 3, 2026 at 2:04 AM
What is the most "wtf" song a streaming service has dropped into a station you were listening to?
Mine is when "Fly" by Sugar Ray played on a NIN station
Mine is when "Fly" by Sugar Ray played on a NIN station
Reposted by Firebolt, Attorney at Claw
"They found the coats on Thursday morning.
Fifteen winter coats. Good ones, not garbage. Hanging on the chain-link fence outside Lincoln Elementary.No note. No explanation. Just coats zipped up like ghosts waiting for bodies.
Principal Morris freaked out. Called the police. "Could be stolen"
Fifteen winter coats. Good ones, not garbage. Hanging on the chain-link fence outside Lincoln Elementary.No note. No explanation. Just coats zipped up like ghosts waiting for bodies.
Principal Morris freaked out. Called the police. "Could be stolen"
December 27, 2025 at 4:41 PM
"They found the coats on Thursday morning.
Fifteen winter coats. Good ones, not garbage. Hanging on the chain-link fence outside Lincoln Elementary.No note. No explanation. Just coats zipped up like ghosts waiting for bodies.
Principal Morris freaked out. Called the police. "Could be stolen"
Fifteen winter coats. Good ones, not garbage. Hanging on the chain-link fence outside Lincoln Elementary.No note. No explanation. Just coats zipped up like ghosts waiting for bodies.
Principal Morris freaked out. Called the police. "Could be stolen"
Stancil is crashing out over a woman doing something. Must be a day ending in y
December 27, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Stancil is crashing out over a woman doing something. Must be a day ending in y
Trading Places is always a holiday movie must watch
December 22, 2025 at 1:42 AM
Trading Places is always a holiday movie must watch
Even knowing how fucked the legal profession is to mental health, it always surprises me to see the stats.
2016 ABA survey (updating soon I think):
21% meet criteria for problematic drinking
28% for depression
19% suffer from anxiety
23% from elevated stress
11.5% have suicidal thoughts
2016 ABA survey (updating soon I think):
21% meet criteria for problematic drinking
28% for depression
19% suffer from anxiety
23% from elevated stress
11.5% have suicidal thoughts
December 19, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Even knowing how fucked the legal profession is to mental health, it always surprises me to see the stats.
2016 ABA survey (updating soon I think):
21% meet criteria for problematic drinking
28% for depression
19% suffer from anxiety
23% from elevated stress
11.5% have suicidal thoughts
2016 ABA survey (updating soon I think):
21% meet criteria for problematic drinking
28% for depression
19% suffer from anxiety
23% from elevated stress
11.5% have suicidal thoughts
A little under a year ago we lost our sweet baby, the eponymous Firebolt. We still miss him so much every day and it hurts just acknowledging how much time has passed. He was truly amazing and my partner's soul cat who demanded she pick him up and hold him like a baby every day when she got home.
December 19, 2025 at 6:09 PM
A little under a year ago we lost our sweet baby, the eponymous Firebolt. We still miss him so much every day and it hurts just acknowledging how much time has passed. He was truly amazing and my partner's soul cat who demanded she pick him up and hold him like a baby every day when she got home.
Fuck you Hickenlooper. How dare you treat trans Colorodans this way. I hope you're remembered as the embarrassment to the state you are
Catherine Cortez Masto (NV), Dick Durbin (IL), John Fetterman (PA), Ruben Gallego (AZ), Kirsten Gillibrand (NY), Maggie Hassan (NH), Martin Heinrich (NM), John Hickenlooper (CO), Mazie Hirono (HI), Tim Kaine (VA), Mark Kelly (AZ), Angus King (I-ME), Amy Klobuchar (MN), Ben Ray Lujan (NM), ->
U.S. Senate: U.S. Senate Roll Call Votes 119th Congress - 1st Session
www.senate.gov
December 16, 2025 at 6:36 PM
Fuck you Hickenlooper. How dare you treat trans Colorodans this way. I hope you're remembered as the embarrassment to the state you are
Huh. Maybe new fraud thing. Someone supposedly from Pride Staff reached out to me about a part time gig with Palantir. There were a few things that had my fraud radar up about it.
Obvi I turned it down, at which point they asked me why.
Def made me think fraud at that point.
Obvi I turned it down, at which point they asked me why.
Def made me think fraud at that point.
December 16, 2025 at 6:28 PM
Huh. Maybe new fraud thing. Someone supposedly from Pride Staff reached out to me about a part time gig with Palantir. There were a few things that had my fraud radar up about it.
Obvi I turned it down, at which point they asked me why.
Def made me think fraud at that point.
Obvi I turned it down, at which point they asked me why.
Def made me think fraud at that point.
Goddamnit. I take an hour and a half away from the Internet for the joy of watching Muppet Christmas Carol and Rob Reiner is stabbed to death in the meantime.
Fuck this timeline.
Fuck this timeline.
December 15, 2025 at 4:02 AM
Goddamnit. I take an hour and a half away from the Internet for the joy of watching Muppet Christmas Carol and Rob Reiner is stabbed to death in the meantime.
Fuck this timeline.
Fuck this timeline.
Has anyone decided on what the collective noun for a group of dudes is? If not, I propose it should be a catastrophe of dudes
December 13, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Has anyone decided on what the collective noun for a group of dudes is? If not, I propose it should be a catastrophe of dudes
*sigh* another job rejection. I really thought I nailed the interview this time. I should probably stop trying to just resign myself to project work. I mean, aside from about a total of 1 year, I've been doing project work and applying to jobs constantly since I graduated law school in 2015
December 12, 2025 at 7:48 PM
*sigh* another job rejection. I really thought I nailed the interview this time. I should probably stop trying to just resign myself to project work. I mean, aside from about a total of 1 year, I've been doing project work and applying to jobs constantly since I graduated law school in 2015
First proper leg weight day since moving a month ago. Feels good but also motherfuck
December 10, 2025 at 2:33 AM
First proper leg weight day since moving a month ago. Feels good but also motherfuck
Movie you've watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Stars (war or trek) LOTR or Marvel.
December 8, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Movie you've watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Stars (war or trek) LOTR or Marvel.
If Die Hard qualifies as a Christmas movie, that means Better Off Dead qualifies as one too, right?
November 28, 2025 at 1:29 AM
If Die Hard qualifies as a Christmas movie, that means Better Off Dead qualifies as one too, right?
Nine Inch Nails
Flogging Molly
NOFX
Dave Matthews Band
St. Paul & The Broken Bones
Flogging Molly
NOFX
Dave Matthews Band
St. Paul & The Broken Bones
Introduce yourself with five concerts you have seen
Black Sabbath
Cowboy Mouth
Weird Al
Flogging Molly
The Pillows
Black Sabbath
Cowboy Mouth
Weird Al
Flogging Molly
The Pillows
Introduce yourself with five concerts you have seen.
Garbage (Sept 98, SLC)
They Might Be Giants (multiple times)
Gogol Bordello (2016, Showbox SoDO, Seattle)
The Cure (multiple times including HSFest)
New Order/Pet Shop Boys Unity tour (last year)
Garbage (Sept 98, SLC)
They Might Be Giants (multiple times)
Gogol Bordello (2016, Showbox SoDO, Seattle)
The Cure (multiple times including HSFest)
New Order/Pet Shop Boys Unity tour (last year)
November 27, 2025 at 11:18 PM
Nine Inch Nails
Flogging Molly
NOFX
Dave Matthews Band
St. Paul & The Broken Bones
Flogging Molly
NOFX
Dave Matthews Band
St. Paul & The Broken Bones
Reposted by Firebolt, Attorney at Claw
Here are my top 10 dogs carrying big sticks!
November 25, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Here are my top 10 dogs carrying big sticks!
Reposted by Firebolt, Attorney at Claw
bluesky checked the IP addresses of pro-turkey posters and they're all posting from hungry
November 23, 2025 at 8:47 PM
bluesky checked the IP addresses of pro-turkey posters and they're all posting from hungry
Reposted by Firebolt, Attorney at Claw
Your CEO makes way more than you?
Problematic wage gap
Problematic wage gap
Your thanksgiving stuffing doesn’t taste right?
Problematic sage gap.
Problematic sage gap.
Somebody's taken out an entire chapter of your book?
Problematic page gap.
Problematic page gap.
November 19, 2025 at 11:28 PM
Your CEO makes way more than you?
Problematic wage gap
Problematic wage gap
I feel for lawsky right now and the trying to explain first amendment law to (understandably) very overwrought ppl.
November 9, 2025 at 5:53 AM
I feel for lawsky right now and the trying to explain first amendment law to (understandably) very overwrought ppl.
Reposted by Firebolt, Attorney at Claw
But his assertion that diversity weakens unions ignores two things. First, labor unions have a long history of multiethnic coalitions. Second, it was the capitalists and political elites who tried to *exploit* ethnic divisions to maintain power. There is only one person here trying to stop unions:
October 30, 2025 at 8:07 AM
But his assertion that diversity weakens unions ignores two things. First, labor unions have a long history of multiethnic coalitions. Second, it was the capitalists and political elites who tried to *exploit* ethnic divisions to maintain power. There is only one person here trying to stop unions:
Change one letter, ruin a candy.
Haribo Gummy Tears
Haribo Gummy Tears
Change one letter, ruin a candy.
Soul Patch Kids
Soul Patch Kids
Change one letter, ruin a candy.
Swedish fist
Swedish fist
October 29, 2025 at 11:45 PM
Change one letter, ruin a candy.
Haribo Gummy Tears
Haribo Gummy Tears
Reposted by Firebolt, Attorney at Claw
New from me:
Elite law firms, multiple media outlets, the D.C. attorney general, and a group of parents accused a teacher of molesting 15 kids. They were wrong.
This piece is two-and-a-half years in the making. And as you'll see, it took some incredible turns, even as I was reporting it.
Elite law firms, multiple media outlets, the D.C. attorney general, and a group of parents accused a teacher of molesting 15 kids. They were wrong.
This piece is two-and-a-half years in the making. And as you'll see, it took some incredible turns, even as I was reporting it.
Accusing Jordan Silverman
A D.C. teaching assistant was accused of molesting up to 15 kids. Multiple law enforcement agencies cleared him. But his nightmare was just beginning.
radleybalko.substack.com
October 27, 2025 at 12:55 PM
New from me:
Elite law firms, multiple media outlets, the D.C. attorney general, and a group of parents accused a teacher of molesting 15 kids. They were wrong.
This piece is two-and-a-half years in the making. And as you'll see, it took some incredible turns, even as I was reporting it.
Elite law firms, multiple media outlets, the D.C. attorney general, and a group of parents accused a teacher of molesting 15 kids. They were wrong.
This piece is two-and-a-half years in the making. And as you'll see, it took some incredible turns, even as I was reporting it.