Bloont Jr

Notary public? No Terry, I want Publix subs

Notary public? No thank you, I prefer notary public-private partnership

Notary public? Fix your attitude and make it a yestary public

"there's a new serif in town"

True

People just shouldn’t talk on these shows. Just come out and shake the host’s hand. Wave to the audience and walk back offstage. Would save us from hearing stuff like this plus you’d have room for like 50 more guests

A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. Case in point, I've had diarrhea ever since I learned what a McDonald's bagel tastes like.

getting this tattooed on my body 40 times like shitty memento

My favorite Thomas Hardy novel is Tess of the

Plex Submits $35 Bid For Warner Bros.

worried about the new day T̸̮̳͍͗H̸̤̹̔̐͝E̵̋̂͜ ̵̦͔̙̀ ̵̜̎̃̅ ̴̙̉̐͘B̸̩̲̰͒̓̊Ė̶͕̘̀̐L̶̝̮͘L̴̨̬̈́O̶̫̱͝W̵̺̙̒͒̚ͅŚ̴̬̙̐ between Wednesday and Thursday... i don't love that it's called The Bellows and i don't want to report to a Labor Outpost. Ș̴̀̋͑̀T̵̞̪̱͎̄̈͂̒̀̎̈́̉͗͋͒̏̿͐͝O̴̼͈̮͌Ķ̸͉̬͔̤̹́͛͋̃E̴̡͚̭̣͇̘̱͆͆̋͑̽̌͑̆̈̿ ̴̢̪̦̭͚̜̳̃̎̒̈́͋͛̌ ̷̢̢̻͔͇͔̦̰͚̖̫͔͍̔̋͗̾́̈̾̃̽̌͑͂̓́̕ ̷̼̣̯̞̭͈̹͚̭͆̈́͛̏͗͛́́̊̋̐͑͜͝T̴̯͙̀̐̽̀̔̾͌̎͐̄́͑͘͘͠Ḧ̸͎̘́̾̆́̂̂̔͝͝͝E̷͚̳͕̐͐̅̊̆́̎͑͐̆̾̀̚͘ͅ ̷̡̛̂̀̽́́͋̀͋͠ ̶̥̪͖͔̬̝̺̗͉̼͈̪͖̐̀̀̽̓̓͌̄̇͘ ̴̹̼̋̑̓̈̋̏̕͘̕̚̚͘͠͠F̵̛̫͐̽̅̔̾̓̓͛L̴̢̢͙̳̹̬͉̯̞͓̲̓̋̅̓͒̈́͆̀͜Ą̵̡͍̪͓̬͈̭̬̗̼̝̦̈̀M̸͎̲̦̮̗̀̂͊̍͠E̷͓͓͒͊͂̓͑̂̇̈́̕͝͠͝S̷̖̜͓̰̱̺̝͍̏̓̒͑͒̾͗̍̕͝. black square looks cool though. it's weird that Satan is here ̸͉͎̤̖̠̠̟̮̲̬̀̈̈́͆̅̍͂̋͝D̷̡̨̳̭̫̗̥̬̰́͒́̑͐͘O̵̬͇͙͐̈́̔̂̿̈́̈̌̀͜N̷̥̟̅͌͆́̂͠͠'̵̧͕͍̭̈́͠Ţ̸̟̤͌̉̈́ ̶̯̿͋S̴̱̬̻͈̞̼̄̊̽̆͛̓E̸̦͊͊͛̔̌̿E̴̱̽̋̅̓̾̀͋̚ ̷͙͇͇̞̅W̷̛̙̝̬͙͓̮̻̌̓͆̉͋͐̇̓̒͜Ḧ̸̜̪͂͛Y̸͈̬͓̱̖͗̽̐̚ ̴̢͕̞̳̘͖̣̜̀̇̀͂͊͋͘T̷̨̻̺͍̜̣̘̜̣̔͛͗̋́͝Ḩ̶̧̳̮̉̃̒͒́͑̕̕A̶̛̦͕͆̑̋͂̅͑͠T̶̲̰͐͂͒̀͗̇̓̎̕'̷̫̦͉̤̟͙̦̲̈̾͛̂͒͘͜ͅS̸̰͖͈̱̞̈̾̐̿̈́̃͘͘͘͜ ̴͈͔̝̼̱̪̍̈́͆̆̌̀ͅW̷̨̨̧̧̬̬̬̝͈͒̈͆̿̈̐̊͘͠͝Ḛ̷̡̝̘̺̤́͗͂̅̏̎͑̀Į̷͍̲̤̈̔̔́̇̇̿R̷̛̞͕͈̹̻̟̠͒̎͊̌̒̄́̒̓D̸̫̮̐̇̈̚͘acking off a LOT more

Being cut off by a busted Accord with a Hello Kitty "STOP RIDING MY ASS" bumper sticker is just one of the many joys you'll experience driving in Los Angeles

lmao

i do not think therefore i do not am

racist chefs kiss

In S17 of #Taskmaster, Nick Mohammed dressed as a vampire for his tasks. The production scrubbed all his reflections when he's dressed like this, but the only way I knew is because someone told me about it. It's subtle and very cool.

The Nobel Prize committee should announce the World Cup winner tomorrow

For us Millennials, it used to be we had Dane Cook, Drake & Josh, and Dax Shepard.

But now…
✅ We can’t cook.
✅ We drink 𝒥𝑜𝓈𝒽.
✅ We’ve forsaken our shepherd!

Quentin Tarantino Slams Paul Dano As Worst Actor On Wikifeet https://theonion.com/quentin-tarantino-slams-paul-dano-as-worst-actor-on-wikifeet/

It's the weekend, baby

If you want to help, you can share our story, check out our work at viralemergence.org, and - if you're the one in a million person who can save our project - reach out. (At this point, my job is to fundraise for the amazing scientists I work with, so they can focus on doing some actual science! 🦠)