Michael Delaporta
@mdelaporta.bsky.social
Who that hath a throne, or a gilded privilege not attainable by his neighbor, let him procure his slippers & get ready to dance, for there is going to be music.
Pinned
Michael Delaporta
@mdelaporta.bsky.social
· Oct 25
The next Dem president should do to the IRS what Trump did to ICE. 10x their enforcement budget, arm them to the teeth, and have them repel from Blackhawk helicopters into boardrooms, country clubs and owner’s boxes to shake these goblins by their ankles until every last penny falls out.
Claiming that “prices are coming down so low, like never before” and also saying “you don’t want deflation” is evidence of a brain so smooth it could be used to calibrate telescope lenses.
December 14, 2025 at 9:12 PM
Claiming that “prices are coming down so low, like never before” and also saying “you don’t want deflation” is evidence of a brain so smooth it could be used to calibrate telescope lenses.
Absolutely starting 2026 by opening all of my work emails with “Hi Ben, this is Michael from computer”.
Intend to do this even if the recipient isn’t named Ben.
Intend to do this even if the recipient isn’t named Ben.
December 11, 2025 at 10:29 PM
Absolutely starting 2026 by opening all of my work emails with “Hi Ben, this is Michael from computer”.
Intend to do this even if the recipient isn’t named Ben.
Intend to do this even if the recipient isn’t named Ben.
Good genes.
Amanda Seyfried tells WhoWhatWear she won’t apologize for calling Charlie Kirk “hateful”:
“I mean, for f**k’s sake, I commented on one thing. I said something that was based on actual reality and actual footage and actual quotes.“
“I mean, for f**k’s sake, I commented on one thing. I said something that was based on actual reality and actual footage and actual quotes.“
December 11, 2025 at 2:27 AM
Good genes.
Their wedding song was “My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama” by Frank Zappa, but instead of “guitar” is was “easily accessible AR-15” and instead of “mama” it was “brown people”.
December 10, 2025 at 10:43 PM
Their wedding song was “My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama” by Frank Zappa, but instead of “guitar” is was “easily accessible AR-15” and instead of “mama” it was “brown people”.
ChatGPT: Cut the baby in half.
Me: wtf?
ChatGPT: You’re right! I didn’t consider that you’d want a live baby. Would you like me to offer other suggestions that don’t involve infanticide?
Me: wtf?
ChatGPT: You’re right! I didn’t consider that you’d want a live baby. Would you like me to offer other suggestions that don’t involve infanticide?
Woman: The baby is mine
Woman #2: No it's mine
King Solomon: Both of you say this baby is yours. Hang on a sec
*types*
ChatGPT: Cutting the baby in half is your best move
Solomon: Someone get me a sword
ChatGPT: Also pre-heat the oven so it's nice and hot when you cook the juicier half of the baby
Woman #2: No it's mine
King Solomon: Both of you say this baby is yours. Hang on a sec
*types*
ChatGPT: Cutting the baby in half is your best move
Solomon: Someone get me a sword
ChatGPT: Also pre-heat the oven so it's nice and hot when you cook the juicier half of the baby
Jimmy Fallon: "And do you use ChatGPT when raising your baby?"
Sam Altman: "I cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT."
Sam Altman: "I cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT."
December 10, 2025 at 1:59 AM
ChatGPT: Cut the baby in half.
Me: wtf?
ChatGPT: You’re right! I didn’t consider that you’d want a live baby. Would you like me to offer other suggestions that don’t involve infanticide?
Me: wtf?
ChatGPT: You’re right! I didn’t consider that you’d want a live baby. Would you like me to offer other suggestions that don’t involve infanticide?
Netflix to be invited to a Turkish embassy.
Team Oligarch Suits Up to Torpedo Netflix/WBD Merger talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/team-...
Team Oligarch Suits Up to Torpedo Netflix/WBD Merger
Simply extraordinary stuff coming out this morning about the battle over what...
talkingpointsmemo.com
December 9, 2025 at 4:00 AM
Netflix to be invited to a Turkish embassy.
Wife: I asked you if you cleaned out the garage, and you said “yes”.
Me: The narrative has shifted.
Me: The narrative has shifted.
"This narrative actually shifted well before the situation dominated the news in recent weeks," writes Aaron Blake. | Analysis https://cnn.it/3KnlZRU
December 9, 2025 at 2:10 AM
Wife: I asked you if you cleaned out the garage, and you said “yes”.
Me: The narrative has shifted.
Me: The narrative has shifted.
Not enough people comment on this, but “Tom Cotton” is an anagram for “Evil Cunt”.
Q: What did you see in the second strike?
Cotton: "I saw two survivors trying to flip a boat -- loaded with drugs, bound for the United States -- back over, so they could stay in the fight."
Cotton: "I saw two survivors trying to flip a boat -- loaded with drugs, bound for the United States -- back over, so they could stay in the fight."
December 4, 2025 at 10:29 PM
Not enough people comment on this, but “Tom Cotton” is an anagram for “Evil Cunt”.
So telling that a venture capitalist thinks the answer to “is there enough medicine for my child” should be “get on the floor, you hog”, and the Democratic leadership is intrigued.
No value, no villain, no vision. Sounds like the tagline for the earnings call of a collapsing appliance retailer
November 30, 2025 at 7:59 PM
So telling that a venture capitalist thinks the answer to “is there enough medicine for my child” should be “get on the floor, you hog”, and the Democratic leadership is intrigued.
1. Select a serving platter from Tiffany & Co to place at the exhaust of your John Deere Turkey Chipper.
2. Boil six boxes of Price Chopper elbow macaroni in distilled water.
3. Order a dozen croissant from Boulangerie Poilâne in Paris. Throw them in the trash and open two tubes of Pillsbury.
2. Boil six boxes of Price Chopper elbow macaroni in distilled water.
3. Order a dozen croissant from Boulangerie Poilâne in Paris. Throw them in the trash and open two tubes of Pillsbury.
Karoline Leavitt's Thanksgiving spread. Please dissect.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...
November 30, 2025 at 6:02 AM
1. Select a serving platter from Tiffany & Co to place at the exhaust of your John Deere Turkey Chipper.
2. Boil six boxes of Price Chopper elbow macaroni in distilled water.
3. Order a dozen croissant from Boulangerie Poilâne in Paris. Throw them in the trash and open two tubes of Pillsbury.
2. Boil six boxes of Price Chopper elbow macaroni in distilled water.
3. Order a dozen croissant from Boulangerie Poilâne in Paris. Throw them in the trash and open two tubes of Pillsbury.
This is a category error. The “press” exists to serve the interests of the shareholders and executives of the corporations that employ them. To misunderstand this also serves their interests.
It's easy to be numb because it's par for the course nowadays, but repeatedly calling a reporter who asks a reasonable question "stupid" is conduct unbecoming for a small-town mayor, let alone the President of the United States.
The press exists to play a watchdog role, not be a supplicant.
The press exists to play a watchdog role, not be a supplicant.
“You’re a stupid person” — Trump lashes out at a reporter who presses him on the fact that the suspected DC shooter was actually thoroughly vetted before he was let in the US from Afghanistan
November 28, 2025 at 2:21 AM
This is a category error. The “press” exists to serve the interests of the shareholders and executives of the corporations that employ them. To misunderstand this also serves their interests.
Wait until she finds out that Kosher-for-Passover Coke and Mexican Coke are the same Coke.
November 25, 2025 at 2:02 PM
Wait until she finds out that Kosher-for-Passover Coke and Mexican Coke are the same Coke.
Remember how there was like 20 movies in the ‘90s that were like “drugs are super bad, but this dude is an undercover cop, so he has to do them, and did you noticed that drugs are actually super cool?”, but now it’s the official GOP position about the President and molesting children?
November 19, 2025 at 2:30 AM
Remember how there was like 20 movies in the ‘90s that were like “drugs are super bad, but this dude is an undercover cop, so he has to do them, and did you noticed that drugs are actually super cool?”, but now it’s the official GOP position about the President and molesting children?
When your grades were amazing, but your report card fell out of your backpack and has been irretrievably lost…
Oof
*OCTOBER CPI AND JOBS DATA LIKELY WON'T BE RELEASED: WHITE HOUSE
*OCTOBER CPI AND JOBS DATA LIKELY WON'T BE RELEASED: WHITE HOUSE
November 12, 2025 at 10:54 PM
When your grades were amazing, but your report card fell out of your backpack and has been irretrievably lost…
WIFE: You’ve cleaned out the garage
ME: Yes
WIFE: Even though the garage is still dirty?
ME: Well I guess there’s ups and downs and seasonals
ME: Yes
WIFE: Even though the garage is still dirty?
ME: Well I guess there’s ups and downs and seasonals
HASSETT: We're comfortable that inflation has come way down
QUINTANILLA: Even though it's been increasing for 5 straight months?
HASSETT: Well I guess there's ups and downs and seasonals
November 11, 2025 at 9:41 PM
WIFE: You’ve cleaned out the garage
ME: Yes
WIFE: Even though the garage is still dirty?
ME: Well I guess there’s ups and downs and seasonals
ME: Yes
WIFE: Even though the garage is still dirty?
ME: Well I guess there’s ups and downs and seasonals
“Director Pulte also covered his eyes with his hands, and the President got scared, thinking he himself had become invisible…”
November 11, 2025 at 4:06 AM
“Director Pulte also covered his eyes with his hands, and the President got scared, thinking he himself had become invisible…”
Jeff Bezos, watching Fred Flintstone slide down the back of the brontosaurus as soon as the whistle sounds: “goddamn Mamdani-inspired socialist dystopia.”
This Washpost oped is every bit as awesome as its headline
November 11, 2025 at 2:23 AM
Jeff Bezos, watching Fred Flintstone slide down the back of the brontosaurus as soon as the whistle sounds: “goddamn Mamdani-inspired socialist dystopia.”
In the conversation for the dumbest political statement of 2025, and brother, the competition is *steep*…
Hassan: With the government reopening shortly, Republicans now finally have to come to the table. Or make no mistake, Americans will remember who stood in the way.
November 10, 2025 at 3:35 AM
In the conversation for the dumbest political statement of 2025, and brother, the competition is *steep*…
Connecticut is mostly rural, leafy and sparsely populated. If Montana, the Dakotas, Idaho, and Wyoming had the population density of Connecticut, we could double the U.S. population. Anyone who tells you he wants to “eliminate 100 million people” has reasons beyond housing policy.
November 9, 2025 at 8:17 PM
Connecticut is mostly rural, leafy and sparsely populated. If Montana, the Dakotas, Idaho, and Wyoming had the population density of Connecticut, we could double the U.S. population. Anyone who tells you he wants to “eliminate 100 million people” has reasons beyond housing policy.
A significant fraction of your friends, family and neighbors believe this is the pinnacle of masculine virility. They are happy that a man of this caliber is accumulating unprecedented, unaccountable power. Things are proceeding as they hoped they would.
November 8, 2025 at 10:56 PM
A significant fraction of your friends, family and neighbors believe this is the pinnacle of masculine virility. They are happy that a man of this caliber is accumulating unprecedented, unaccountable power. Things are proceeding as they hoped they would.
There will be two. They will be “Government-sponsored Enterprises”. We’ll call them “Chippy-Mae” and “Chippy-Mac”.
BREAKING: OpenAI is requesting US government support to help guarantee financing for the massive investments in AI chips and data centers it needs for expansion, per Bloomberg.
November 6, 2025 at 3:26 AM
There will be two. They will be “Government-sponsored Enterprises”. We’ll call them “Chippy-Mae” and “Chippy-Mac”.
Bari, interviewing her security detail: “and if someone yells ‘boo’ and makes a thumbs-down gesture, do you immediately shoot them or do I need to give you a sign?”
November 4, 2025 at 12:24 AM
Bari, interviewing her security detail: “and if someone yells ‘boo’ and makes a thumbs-down gesture, do you immediately shoot them or do I need to give you a sign?”
Solid advice from the richest man in the world, Cockface Smugfuckery III, or whatever his name is…
Elon Musk endorses Cuomo for mayor of New York and makes sure to add some racism in there: “…Mumdumi or whatever his name is.”
November 3, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Solid advice from the richest man in the world, Cockface Smugfuckery III, or whatever his name is…
If, during the course of your job, you find yourself composing an email that says “actually, it’s illegal to help hungry people eat”, fill your pockets with rocks and walk into the ocean.
The USDA sent an email to grocery stores telling them they are prohibited from offering special discounts to customers affected by the SNAP funding lapse.
I'm aware of at least 2 stores that had offered struggling customers a discount, then withdrew it after receiving this email
I'm aware of at least 2 stores that had offered struggling customers a discount, then withdrew it after receiving this email
November 3, 2025 at 3:37 AM
If, during the course of your job, you find yourself composing an email that says “actually, it’s illegal to help hungry people eat”, fill your pockets with rocks and walk into the ocean.