Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Murderously Matt 🎃

@momentarilymatt.bsky.social

1.4K followers 430 following 1.1K posts

Gas station food aficionado, father. Possibly a donkey. Matts of Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:k276evh44gwsbdybxgtdothh/lists/3lb3c3birbg2

bsky.app

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Pinned

Murderously Matt 🎃 @momentarilymatt.bsky.social · May 26

Me: Alexa, fix me.

Alexa: I'm sorry, you are a desicated husk of something that once resembled a human being. You can only be fixed by renewing your Amazon Prime subscription. Would you like me to renew your subscription? Make a gurgling sound if you agree to our new terms and conditions.

20 51

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

Jules 🦋 @julesk.me · 11h

I think ill be 5 years into retirement before my jaw unclenches

1 2 14

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

~garry~ @garrykerls.bsky.social · 12h

accidentally parked in a witch’s spot and my car got toad

4 5

Murderously Matt 🎃 @momentarilymatt.bsky.social · 11h

I like how our choices for social media platforms go from, "Hellish, but popular," to, "Meh, but obscure," on a sliding scale

3 5

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

haunted mentions @makeitsnow.bsky.social · 17h

antiwoke guy who wants to change the recycle bin on his computer back to the trash can

7 78 700

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

spleenly @spleenly.bsky.social · 21h

Being trapped in a rapidly collapsing static warp shell sounding pretty good right about now.

2 3

Murderously Matt 🎃 @momentarilymatt.bsky.social · 1d

A real one

Amy "Gory" Grech @amygrech.bsky.social · 1d

Happy Birthday Edgar Allan Poe! #AuthorSky #BookSky #HorrorSky #PoetrySky #WriterSky

1 3

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

Amy "Gory" Grech @amygrech.bsky.social · 1d

Happy Birthday Edgar Allan Poe! #AuthorSky #BookSky #HorrorSky #PoetrySky #WriterSky

1 5 26

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

The Bearminator @the-bearminator.bsky.social · 2d

Be honest though, nobody really likes matcha, do they.

3 9 16

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

The Bearminator @the-bearminator.bsky.social · 1d

Up close and personal with my own shortcomings.

1 10 15

Murderously Matt 🎃 @momentarilymatt.bsky.social · 1d

It was the best of times, it was the falling-down-an-up-escalator of times

5 8

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

GᵣₐbₜₕₑWₑₙₑₛₛ @ayankdownunder.bsky.social · 1d

*whacks poet* “ick.”

2 9 20

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

Rogs Pumpkin 🎃 @stev.bsky.social · 1d

My coworker hates this one simple trick

1 4

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

Curb Your Malthusiasm 2.0 @manucleardevice.bsky.social · 1d

"This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gondor," i holler as i overturn my uncle's funeral pyre and turn the 4th Age of Man into the 4th Age of Shit

15 770 2.5K

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

☠TheDeadDon'tDie☠ 🐢🎨🧜‍♀️🎪🎠 @railroadofsin.bsky.social · 1d

Egg salad is Deviled eggs that couldn't.

1 5 22

Murderously Matt 🎃 @momentarilymatt.bsky.social · 1d

Ritual sacrifice would fix me

1 2

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

Fixins’ Bar @fixinsbar.bsky.social · 1d

owner of bologna heart

11 25

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

🌘 Dad Moon Rising 🌒 @dadmoonrising.bsky.social · 1d

Enough with conformity - it's time to stand up and stand out!

*my one wild eyebrow hair

1 3

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 1d

Today's word is "performative" and tomorrow's will be "tool."

32 75

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

ficklenuts has a pair of normal entiddies 👻 @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 1d

People who tell me to “enjoy life” are overestimating the breadth of my masochism

2 10 35

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

SpaceAge Polymer @dollarsteak.bsky.social · 1d

Vote Chungus

Goth Country Buffet @shadowham.bsky.social · 1d

hobbits be like “here are my daughters celestia, marigold, & daffodil and here are my sons bong-water, dumbo, & chungus”

1 5

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

ficklenuts has a pair of normal entiddies 👻 @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 1d

I only make typos to blend in with the regular mortals

2 21 61

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 1d

One day you’re young and reckless. The next, you’re looking forward to soup season.

3 25 100

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 1d

Eat like no one is watching.

*devours a slab of bacon*

2 3 16

Reposted by Murderously Matt 🎃

slay-cey @skilletqueso.com · 1d

🎵haammmmms
touching hammms
reaching out
touching meat
touching fooodddddddd

1 14 92

Murderously Matt 🎃 @momentarilymatt.bsky.social · 1d

I'd share my Four Loko with you