Hey man come over, we're watching ready player one nude. We're all gonna point at the screen and wild out when they show garfield or whoever. Rest of the time, we're free to explore the pleasures of each other's bodies. Eyes, hands, mouth, it's all good. It's just skin man. Just garfield and skin.

Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow

I always say I love my country the way Anthony Bourdain did, not as a benevolent state or one founded in innocence but as vast, beautiful place full of discrete people and cultures such as has rarely been attempted and worth fighting for.

SORRY. Sorry.
Have we seen this *incredible* news video coming out of Queensland? Wait for the witness/witnesses statement

everyone right now

(making small talk) how many chili dogs have you sucked on

Wife: How was the rap battle?
Me: [removing hand puppet] I lost

A Hellboy sequel where he finally grows up to be Hellman so he can take over the family mayonnaise business

There are 206 bones in the human body, which is way too many. My administration will cut this down to 100 bones

2012: “join Twitter? just so I can learn what some moron had for lunch?”

2024: “I’ve joined Bluesky to follow the ‘Good Lunch’ Feed. People post their lunch and others reply good lunch when it’s a good lunch”

Imagine producing four such iconic images in the past three years

This is always happening to me. I’ve lost 5 houses this way, but I’ll never give up my night dress

I see the bots in everybody because I’m an Optimus

Now hold on a minute son let me see what ya got there. I say I say, what ya got here is blood runes! Wicked sigils, son, ya see? You're never gonna read it like that. You need innocent blood, see? A suckling babe, boy!